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Authors: Susan Howatch
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expect the Church to condone law-breaking en masse!’
‘ But what are ordinary, law-abiding homosexuals supposed to do, Charles, if they have no gift for chastity? After all, most hetero sexual men find chastity quite beyond them – how would you yourself manage if I ran off and left you on your own?’
‘ I’d run after you and haul you back.’
‘ What fun! But seriously, Charles –’
‘ Oh, I freely admit I’d hate to be celibate. But that doesn’t mean God’s incapable of calling me to such a life and it doesn’t mean either that I’d be incapable of responding to such a call if it came. By the grace of God –’
– all things are possible. Quite. But Charles, are you really saying that the Church has nothing to say to these people except that they should regard their homosexual inclinations as a call to celibacy?’
The Church has plenty to say to everyone, regardless of their sexual inclinations. And let’s get one point quite clear: the Church is not against homosexuals themselves. Indeed many homosexuals do excellent work as priests.’
‘ Yes, but they’re the celibates, aren’t they? What I want to know is —’
‘ My dear, I have every sympathy for anyone, heterosexual or homosexual, who’s severely tempted to indulge in illicit sexual activity, but the Church can’t just adopt a policy of "anything goes"! Any large organisation has to make rules and set standards or otherwise, human nature being what it is, the whole structure collapses in chaos!’
‘ Yes, I quite understand that, but you still haven’t answered my question. What happens to the people who just can’t fit into this neat, orderly world designed by the Church? I mean, have you ever thought, really thought, about what it must be like to be a homosexual? Your problem is that you haven’t the slightest interest in homosexuality and you have no homosexual friends.’
‘Surely those are points in my favour!’
‘ Charles, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you! Now stop being so frivolous and just try to be helpful for a moment. How would you, in your professional role, advise my prayer-group to pray for my friend’s homosexual son who’s living discreetly with his boyfriend in a manner which has absolutely nothing to do with a promiscuous career in public lavatories?’
I sighed, ground out my cigarette and to signal my resentment that I was being dragooned into playing the bishop I reconnected us to the outside world by replacing the telephone receiver with a thud. ‘Excuse me,’ I said, ‘while I put on my cope and mitre.’
‘ No, don’t you dare sulk! I’ve always been very careful not to bother you about the prayer-group, and yet now, on the very first occasion that I’ve actually paid you the compliment of asking for your advice —’
I slumped guiltily back on the pillows just as the telephone jangled at my side.
II
‘ I’ll answer it,’ said Lyle, slipping out of bed.
‘ No, let it ring.’ I was already regretting that I had slammed back the receiver in a fit of pique.
‘ If we let it ring you’ll crucify yourself imagining a suicidal vicar screaming for help,’ said Lyle tartly, and moving around to the table on my side of the bed she picked up the receiver and intoned in her most neutral voice: ‘South Canonry.’
A pause followed during which I wondered whether to light another cigarette. Contrary to Lyle’s fears I thought it was most unlikely that some suicidal vicar was screaming for help in an icy vicarage while his bishop lounged in a centrally-heated haze of post-coital bliss, and having made the decision to light the cigarette I turned my thoughts instead to Lyle’s prayer-group, those middle-aged, middle-class, church-going ladies who seemed so unlikely to want to discuss unnatural vice. It occurred to me that the kindest advice I could give them was to pray for the wholesome family life of their married friends and leave any
‘ But what are ordinary, law-abiding homosexuals supposed to do, Charles, if they have no gift for chastity? After all, most hetero sexual men find chastity quite beyond them – how would you yourself manage if I ran off and left you on your own?’
‘ I’d run after you and haul you back.’
‘ What fun! But seriously, Charles –’
‘ Oh, I freely admit I’d hate to be celibate. But that doesn’t mean God’s incapable of calling me to such a life and it doesn’t mean either that I’d be incapable of responding to such a call if it came. By the grace of God –’
– all things are possible. Quite. But Charles, are you really saying that the Church has nothing to say to these people except that they should regard their homosexual inclinations as a call to celibacy?’
The Church has plenty to say to everyone, regardless of their sexual inclinations. And let’s get one point quite clear: the Church is not against homosexuals themselves. Indeed many homosexuals do excellent work as priests.’
‘ Yes, but they’re the celibates, aren’t they? What I want to know is —’
‘ My dear, I have every sympathy for anyone, heterosexual or homosexual, who’s severely tempted to indulge in illicit sexual activity, but the Church can’t just adopt a policy of "anything goes"! Any large organisation has to make rules and set standards or otherwise, human nature being what it is, the whole structure collapses in chaos!’
‘ Yes, I quite understand that, but you still haven’t answered my question. What happens to the people who just can’t fit into this neat, orderly world designed by the Church? I mean, have you ever thought, really thought, about what it must be like to be a homosexual? Your problem is that you haven’t the slightest interest in homosexuality and you have no homosexual friends.’
‘Surely those are points in my favour!’
‘ Charles, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you! Now stop being so frivolous and just try to be helpful for a moment. How would you, in your professional role, advise my prayer-group to pray for my friend’s homosexual son who’s living discreetly with his boyfriend in a manner which has absolutely nothing to do with a promiscuous career in public lavatories?’
I sighed, ground out my cigarette and to signal my resentment that I was being dragooned into playing the bishop I reconnected us to the outside world by replacing the telephone receiver with a thud. ‘Excuse me,’ I said, ‘while I put on my cope and mitre.’
‘ No, don’t you dare sulk! I’ve always been very careful not to bother you about the prayer-group, and yet now, on the very first occasion that I’ve actually paid you the compliment of asking for your advice —’
I slumped guiltily back on the pillows just as the telephone jangled at my side.
II
‘ I’ll answer it,’ said Lyle, slipping out of bed.
‘ No, let it ring.’ I was already regretting that I had slammed back the receiver in a fit of pique.
‘ If we let it ring you’ll crucify yourself imagining a suicidal vicar screaming for help,’ said Lyle tartly, and moving around to the table on my side of the bed she picked up the receiver and intoned in her most neutral voice: ‘South Canonry.’
A pause followed during which I wondered whether to light another cigarette. Contrary to Lyle’s fears I thought it was most unlikely that some suicidal vicar was screaming for help in an icy vicarage while his bishop lounged in a centrally-heated haze of post-coital bliss, and having made the decision to light the cigarette I turned my thoughts instead to Lyle’s prayer-group, those middle-aged, middle-class, church-going ladies who seemed so unlikely to want to discuss unnatural vice. It occurred to me that the kindest advice I could give them was to pray for the wholesome family life of their married friends and leave any
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