turned away from him and started to walk off in the direction of those gauzy curtains, towards the courtyard. He took a quick step forward, blocking my path.
“I know it’s upsetting,” he said. “But it doesn’t exactly work that way. You see, once you’ve arrived here, you can’t leave.”
I shook my head. “But I have to,” I said. “I have to let my mom know I’m all right. Except for the being dead part,” I added. I wasn’t quite sure how she was going to take that news.
“Your mom is fine,” he assured me, laying his hands on my bare shoulders and physically steering me back into the room. “I told you, you can’t leave. And I think you should sit down again. You’ve had a shock.”
“What do you mean, I can’t leave?” I spun back around to face him. Suddenly, I didn’t feel vague anymore. “What about all those people down by the lake? They’re leaving, aren’t they?”
He shrugged. “In a way. To their final destination.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Their just rewards,” he said, a little bitterly.
“That’s where the boat is taking them?” I asked. “Aren’t I supposed to be getting on the boat? The one that’s leaving?”
My voice trailed off as I read his expression. It was more serious than I’d ever seen it.
“The one that just left, you mean,” he said.
The words seemed to echo around the room. Although they didn’t really.
“Wait,” I said. “What?”
“The boat is gone,” he said. “I asked if you wanted to go someplace else, and you said yes, please. And now the boat is gone. You chose me over the boat, and now this is where you’re going to have to stay. Look, you really don’t seem well. I think you should sit down. Won’t you eat something? What about a drink? Some hot tea?”
Thunder rumbled. But it was inside my head, not outside. Suddenly, I was freezing again, in spite of the blazing fire in the enormous hearth.
“Are you telling me that I have to stay here with you forever because you made me
miss the boat
?” I demanded.
He was so tall, I had to crane my neck to look into his face. What I saw there — the muscle leaping in his lean cheek, the stubborn set of his jaw — made me as frightened as I’d felt back down by the lake.
Even when, despite the determination I could see in his face, I noticed the sadness in those silver eyes…
None of that helped the tears I could feel coming, or my racing pulse.
“What about the other boat?” I demanded. My voice sounded shrill even to my own ears. “The one for the people in the other line?”
“You don’t want to go where that boat is headed,” John said shortly. “Why do you think they all wanted to get on yours?”
I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“It’s okay,” I said, fighting for calm, even though I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. “Because I didn’t get on the boat, that means I haven’t passed on to my final destination, right? And you can make dead people come back alive. You did it with the bird. So you’re going to do it with me. You’re just going to make me alive again. You have to, because you messed up, making me miss my boat. So do it.
Now,
John.”
His expression remained obstinate, even as his eyes remained sad.
“I can’t,” he said.
“Can’t?” My voice caught on a sob. “Or won’t?”
He looked away. “Won’t,” he said.
Now my heart felt as if it were being constricted back in that pool cover all over again.
“Why not?”
“Because,” he said. But he seemed to have to think about it a while. “It’s against the rules.”
“Don’t you make the rules?” I asked. This was horrible. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Including having died.
“No,” he said. I could tell he was trying to keep his temper in check. But he wasn’t having any more success with that than I was with my tears. Way off in the distance, thunder was rumbling. This time, it wasn’t in my head. “I
“I know it’s upsetting,” he said. “But it doesn’t exactly work that way. You see, once you’ve arrived here, you can’t leave.”
I shook my head. “But I have to,” I said. “I have to let my mom know I’m all right. Except for the being dead part,” I added. I wasn’t quite sure how she was going to take that news.
“Your mom is fine,” he assured me, laying his hands on my bare shoulders and physically steering me back into the room. “I told you, you can’t leave. And I think you should sit down again. You’ve had a shock.”
“What do you mean, I can’t leave?” I spun back around to face him. Suddenly, I didn’t feel vague anymore. “What about all those people down by the lake? They’re leaving, aren’t they?”
He shrugged. “In a way. To their final destination.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Their just rewards,” he said, a little bitterly.
“That’s where the boat is taking them?” I asked. “Aren’t I supposed to be getting on the boat? The one that’s leaving?”
My voice trailed off as I read his expression. It was more serious than I’d ever seen it.
“The one that just left, you mean,” he said.
The words seemed to echo around the room. Although they didn’t really.
“Wait,” I said. “What?”
“The boat is gone,” he said. “I asked if you wanted to go someplace else, and you said yes, please. And now the boat is gone. You chose me over the boat, and now this is where you’re going to have to stay. Look, you really don’t seem well. I think you should sit down. Won’t you eat something? What about a drink? Some hot tea?”
Thunder rumbled. But it was inside my head, not outside. Suddenly, I was freezing again, in spite of the blazing fire in the enormous hearth.
“Are you telling me that I have to stay here with you forever because you made me
miss the boat
?” I demanded.
He was so tall, I had to crane my neck to look into his face. What I saw there — the muscle leaping in his lean cheek, the stubborn set of his jaw — made me as frightened as I’d felt back down by the lake.
Even when, despite the determination I could see in his face, I noticed the sadness in those silver eyes…
None of that helped the tears I could feel coming, or my racing pulse.
“What about the other boat?” I demanded. My voice sounded shrill even to my own ears. “The one for the people in the other line?”
“You don’t want to go where that boat is headed,” John said shortly. “Why do you think they all wanted to get on yours?”
I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“It’s okay,” I said, fighting for calm, even though I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. “Because I didn’t get on the boat, that means I haven’t passed on to my final destination, right? And you can make dead people come back alive. You did it with the bird. So you’re going to do it with me. You’re just going to make me alive again. You have to, because you messed up, making me miss my boat. So do it.
Now,
John.”
His expression remained obstinate, even as his eyes remained sad.
“I can’t,” he said.
“Can’t?” My voice caught on a sob. “Or won’t?”
He looked away. “Won’t,” he said.
Now my heart felt as if it were being constricted back in that pool cover all over again.
“Why not?”
“Because,” he said. But he seemed to have to think about it a while. “It’s against the rules.”
“Don’t you make the rules?” I asked. This was horrible. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Including having died.
“No,” he said. I could tell he was trying to keep his temper in check. But he wasn’t having any more success with that than I was with my tears. Way off in the distance, thunder was rumbling. This time, it wasn’t in my head. “I
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