Read Online A World Within by Minakshi Chaudhry - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Minakshi Chaudhry
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night.
So many things I understand now. He had stopped reading slowly and gradually. First he left the books, then magazines and then newspaper. He could not connect to things. He stopped watching TV. No films, no serials and finally no news. The last thing he stopped was gardening, nurturing his plants – the love of his life, his passion. Does he know that he loved to read books, the classics; that he could never miss daily news bulletin and that he could not live without spending hours with his plants every morning and evening.
What should a person do when his memory does not hold even for a few minutes? When he does not remember the last sentence that he spoke? He is losing his vocabulary. He reads a word and then wonders what it means. Same is with the plants and gardens that he nurtured like babies. Now he does not recognize the plants, from where he brought them, when will they flower? It frustrates him to no end.
Whenever I browse the Internet and look for the latest news on Alzheimer’s I get to read alarming stuff such as this, ‘Impairment of senses is common in Alzheimer’s. The ability of people with Alzheimer’s to interpret what they see, hear, taste, feel or smell declines or changes, even though the sense organs may still be intact. The Alzheimer’s patient needs periodic evaluation by a physician for any changes in the senses that may be correctable through glasses, dentures, hearing aids or other treatments. Patients may also experience a number of changes in visual abilities. Visual agnosia is a condition in which patients lose the ability to comprehend visual images. Although there is nothing wrong physically with the eyes, Alzheimer’s patients may no longer be able to accurately interpret what they see in the brain, also their sense of perception and death may be altered. These changes can cause safety concerns. … A loss or decrease in smell often accompanies Alzheimer’s. Patients may experience loss of sensation or may no longer be able to interpret feelings of heat, cold or discomfort. They may also lose their sense of taste as their judgment declines. They may also place dangerous or inappropriate things in their mouths. People with Alzheimer’s may have normal hearing but they may lose the ability to accurately interpret what they hear. This may result in confusion or over stimulation.’
I sometimes wonder whether Dadoo knows how much we suffer! May be in a different way but we suffer many times more than him. Watching him helplessly lose his mind piece by piece is unbearable. When his child-like eyes look at me, I know he is seeking assurance and security that everything will be fine, my heart bleeds. We worry about his future and also about our future without him. In some moments of extreme agony I feel that the silence of death would be less painful, and definitely less torturous both for us and for him. Sometimes I feel guilty for this thought but sometimes I don’t. But then is death in our hands?
All small things which were routine, and trivial but part of his normal life are disappearing one after the other, like asking the chartered accountant about his income tax returns; going to the college to enquire whether his medical reimbursement has come; going to the bank; trying to locate a gardener; buying vegetables; calling the plumber; rushing to bring bread; dhania; juice from the shop downstairs; and saying hello to acquaintances passing by on the road. The very essence of being useful, of doing something and the sense of being alive has vanished. How very important it is for a person to be of use in a family and how humiliated one feels when this ability is lost.
He has stopped reading the post and stopped going to the post office. For years he, on his own without telling us, maintained small savings accounts of all of us in the post office. Now there are no more deposits. He has stopped following up the court cases involving land purchased by him which was encroached
So many things I understand now. He had stopped reading slowly and gradually. First he left the books, then magazines and then newspaper. He could not connect to things. He stopped watching TV. No films, no serials and finally no news. The last thing he stopped was gardening, nurturing his plants – the love of his life, his passion. Does he know that he loved to read books, the classics; that he could never miss daily news bulletin and that he could not live without spending hours with his plants every morning and evening.
What should a person do when his memory does not hold even for a few minutes? When he does not remember the last sentence that he spoke? He is losing his vocabulary. He reads a word and then wonders what it means. Same is with the plants and gardens that he nurtured like babies. Now he does not recognize the plants, from where he brought them, when will they flower? It frustrates him to no end.
Whenever I browse the Internet and look for the latest news on Alzheimer’s I get to read alarming stuff such as this, ‘Impairment of senses is common in Alzheimer’s. The ability of people with Alzheimer’s to interpret what they see, hear, taste, feel or smell declines or changes, even though the sense organs may still be intact. The Alzheimer’s patient needs periodic evaluation by a physician for any changes in the senses that may be correctable through glasses, dentures, hearing aids or other treatments. Patients may also experience a number of changes in visual abilities. Visual agnosia is a condition in which patients lose the ability to comprehend visual images. Although there is nothing wrong physically with the eyes, Alzheimer’s patients may no longer be able to accurately interpret what they see in the brain, also their sense of perception and death may be altered. These changes can cause safety concerns. … A loss or decrease in smell often accompanies Alzheimer’s. Patients may experience loss of sensation or may no longer be able to interpret feelings of heat, cold or discomfort. They may also lose their sense of taste as their judgment declines. They may also place dangerous or inappropriate things in their mouths. People with Alzheimer’s may have normal hearing but they may lose the ability to accurately interpret what they hear. This may result in confusion or over stimulation.’
I sometimes wonder whether Dadoo knows how much we suffer! May be in a different way but we suffer many times more than him. Watching him helplessly lose his mind piece by piece is unbearable. When his child-like eyes look at me, I know he is seeking assurance and security that everything will be fine, my heart bleeds. We worry about his future and also about our future without him. In some moments of extreme agony I feel that the silence of death would be less painful, and definitely less torturous both for us and for him. Sometimes I feel guilty for this thought but sometimes I don’t. But then is death in our hands?
All small things which were routine, and trivial but part of his normal life are disappearing one after the other, like asking the chartered accountant about his income tax returns; going to the college to enquire whether his medical reimbursement has come; going to the bank; trying to locate a gardener; buying vegetables; calling the plumber; rushing to bring bread; dhania; juice from the shop downstairs; and saying hello to acquaintances passing by on the road. The very essence of being useful, of doing something and the sense of being alive has vanished. How very important it is for a person to be of use in a family and how humiliated one feels when this ability is lost.
He has stopped reading the post and stopped going to the post office. For years he, on his own without telling us, maintained small savings accounts of all of us in the post office. Now there are no more deposits. He has stopped following up the court cases involving land purchased by him which was encroached
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