ancestry is plenty of Fae blood to live up to. Caleb and I have had poly partners that began and ended as sexually intimate friendships. Don’t count me out before you’ve even given me a chance.”
She sucked bits of peach from her fingers. “I’m not doubting your ability to have a sexually intimate friendship, just your ability to have one with me. It’s not what you want, which is why it’s never happened.”
Xander tried to figure out how he ended up arguing for a sexual friendship even as he opened his mouth to do so. “Whether or not we ever try for a romantic relationship is a decision to be made solely on your terms—as it needs to be because otherwise that’s not a relationship; it’s a felony—and I don’t dispute that. But our friendship has always been about us , about decisions and opinions and emotions and truths between us. Don’t make this decision without me. Don’t discount my opinion. Don’t assume my emotions are stuck on a single track from which the slightest deviation will derail it all. The truth is we’re friends, and above and beyond anything else I’ve ever wanted, I’ve wanted to be what you needed because you’ve been what I needed.”
He moved around the table to the chair beside her. “I love Drew. I knew him before I knew myself in the world. But family comes with history, and a twin more so. I needed someone to keep me off the ledge with so many things since coming back from school, and you stepped up in the middle of all the chaos and career focus and let me in even further than you thought. I don’t know where I’d be right now if you weren’t in my life. I just want to be the same for you.”
Xander turned her chair to face him. “Kryssa.”
“You can’t be my next relationship,” she said.
“I understand you don’t want a relationship.”
She took his face between her hands. “You cannot be my next relationship, Xander.”
“I get it, Krys.”
“No, you don’t. You’ve had intimate friendships that became more and then returned to intimate friendships. This can’t be one of those.”
Xander’s heart sank. Things had swung from the avoidance of a relationship to the avoidance of one with him. “If it’s starting where it needs to, why does it matter where it goes?”
She took a deep breath and sat back. “Because the rebound relationship always fails, and I don’t want to lose you.”
Xander tried not to smile in relief. “But this wouldn’t be like that.”
“You don’t know that.” She turned back to her plate. “I’m not where I was when it all first happened, but I haven’t had a relationship since so the rebound phase is technically still there.”
“I don’t think it works that way. I’m pretty sure there’s an expiration date on the rebound parameters for future relationships.”
She just looked at him and reached across the table, pulling his plate over. “You should eat before it gets cold.”
Xander toyed with his fork. “Tell me what to say to make this okay again.”
“It’s not un-okay now.”
“You’re making up words. Trust me, it’s un-okay .”
Kryssa laughed, took his fork, and fed him a bite of his pancakes. “I’m not trying to be difficult or grumpy on purpose. I just don’t want this to go from talking about everything to not talking at all and avoiding each other for some undetermined awkward period afterward. I don’t want to stop being friends.”
“We won’t. We’re just going to be more intimate friends.” He spoke around the next bite. “If that’s what you want. If not, then tell me what else you need and we’ll do that.” She twirled the fork, and he touched her hand. “This would have been easier if we didn’t have to think about it, huh? If we could have just let it happen when it happened?”
“No.” She fed him another bite. “It’s better we know where we stand.”
“Which is where?”
“I don’t need whatever you and Dominic seem to think I
She sucked bits of peach from her fingers. “I’m not doubting your ability to have a sexually intimate friendship, just your ability to have one with me. It’s not what you want, which is why it’s never happened.”
Xander tried to figure out how he ended up arguing for a sexual friendship even as he opened his mouth to do so. “Whether or not we ever try for a romantic relationship is a decision to be made solely on your terms—as it needs to be because otherwise that’s not a relationship; it’s a felony—and I don’t dispute that. But our friendship has always been about us , about decisions and opinions and emotions and truths between us. Don’t make this decision without me. Don’t discount my opinion. Don’t assume my emotions are stuck on a single track from which the slightest deviation will derail it all. The truth is we’re friends, and above and beyond anything else I’ve ever wanted, I’ve wanted to be what you needed because you’ve been what I needed.”
He moved around the table to the chair beside her. “I love Drew. I knew him before I knew myself in the world. But family comes with history, and a twin more so. I needed someone to keep me off the ledge with so many things since coming back from school, and you stepped up in the middle of all the chaos and career focus and let me in even further than you thought. I don’t know where I’d be right now if you weren’t in my life. I just want to be the same for you.”
Xander turned her chair to face him. “Kryssa.”
“You can’t be my next relationship,” she said.
“I understand you don’t want a relationship.”
She took his face between her hands. “You cannot be my next relationship, Xander.”
“I get it, Krys.”
“No, you don’t. You’ve had intimate friendships that became more and then returned to intimate friendships. This can’t be one of those.”
Xander’s heart sank. Things had swung from the avoidance of a relationship to the avoidance of one with him. “If it’s starting where it needs to, why does it matter where it goes?”
She took a deep breath and sat back. “Because the rebound relationship always fails, and I don’t want to lose you.”
Xander tried not to smile in relief. “But this wouldn’t be like that.”
“You don’t know that.” She turned back to her plate. “I’m not where I was when it all first happened, but I haven’t had a relationship since so the rebound phase is technically still there.”
“I don’t think it works that way. I’m pretty sure there’s an expiration date on the rebound parameters for future relationships.”
She just looked at him and reached across the table, pulling his plate over. “You should eat before it gets cold.”
Xander toyed with his fork. “Tell me what to say to make this okay again.”
“It’s not un-okay now.”
“You’re making up words. Trust me, it’s un-okay .”
Kryssa laughed, took his fork, and fed him a bite of his pancakes. “I’m not trying to be difficult or grumpy on purpose. I just don’t want this to go from talking about everything to not talking at all and avoiding each other for some undetermined awkward period afterward. I don’t want to stop being friends.”
“We won’t. We’re just going to be more intimate friends.” He spoke around the next bite. “If that’s what you want. If not, then tell me what else you need and we’ll do that.” She twirled the fork, and he touched her hand. “This would have been easier if we didn’t have to think about it, huh? If we could have just let it happen when it happened?”
“No.” She fed him another bite. “It’s better we know where we stand.”
“Which is where?”
“I don’t need whatever you and Dominic seem to think I
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