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Authors: Pete Lockett
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hitting him full in the face and lifting him upwards, the white spray creating beautiful patterns of water in the air.
Then another loud noise, a slight movement and then he came to a sudden stop. The hydraulic and all-powerful gushing torrents battered him from every angle, around him, over him, under him, and across him. He had been turned around by the water flow and now faced landwards, caught on a fallen branch of a dead tree. Squirming nervously, he tried to swing his legs and manoeuvre himself free to continue in the stream. Alas it was fruitless. It was going to be a lot harder than he first assumed. He knew if he got stuck for the day, then that would be that. He would be condemned to live out his days as a reptile.
After what seemed like an age of struggling, he heard voices in the distance. They sounded mumbled, but became clearer as they got closer.
“Look, Daddy, it’s a tortoise. We must help him, Daddy, please, Daddy.”
“Fuck off, you little bastard, get the fuck away from me,” barked Ed as the boy’s father waded into the water for the rescue.
“I’m not going to become your fucking pet, you little ponce.”
“Oh, Daddy, can you hear, he is bleating with little tortoise noises crying for help, how sweet. He knows we’re going to save him.”
“Oh, for fuck sake, piss off, piss off and leave me alone, I’m trying to kill myself.”
At this moment the father reached out his enormous hand towards Ed. He seemed like a giant, an absolute colossal monster. Even so, at full stretch he could barely reach him. Patiently moving closer, cautious of the fast currents, the man reached out to his full extension and got his fingers under the shell between his head and left leg. As he levered him from the branch, Ed saw his opportunity and with all the might and strength he could muster, he flicked his head around and bit his hand aggressively.
“Arrhhhh, you little reptile fucker. Did you see that, Billy?”
The man had responded exactly as Ed assumed, pulling out of the rescue attempt abruptly and freeing him from the branch and back into the vicious flow of water.
“You killed him, dad, you drowned the tortoise. He could have been our pet,” the kid snarled at the bemused man as Ed sped off downstream like a sperm in a fallopian tube.
“Ha, ha, mother fucker,” blurted Ed through the watery bubbles as he got tossed upside down in the depraved current. The water gushed in, dragging him to the bottom of the flow, crashing him against rocks and boulders and knocking him from consciousness. Ed had achieved his goal, a relatively painless end. The first suicidal tortoise in the history of the Home Counties had concluded his reptilian adventure, at least for the time being.
Chapter 6
Silicon Alley
Supersonic gusts tore at speed over Ed’s body, forcing his flesh to ripple in fast moving waves of motion. Bewildered and muddled, he started to come round, unable to open his eyes in the whirling tornado. Thoughts flashed through his mind, the fox eating chocolate, the strange adventure in the lair and the dim recollection of eating flowers and lettuce in abundance. He screeched to a halt, decelerating to stillness like an instant sound effect in reverse.
He gradually became aware of a focused ray of light, burning into his eyelids with laser precision. Soon his squinting gave way to blurry vision as he realised he was floating helplessly in some sort of windswept tunnel.
He twisted and turned anxiously with zero gravity, spinning crazily in an anti-clockwise direction catching sight of the stationary laser light once every revolution. His body felt more familiar to him and sensation had come back into his limbs. He lifted his head slightly and glanced down towards his feet. To his amazement he was dressed in his own clothes, the last ones he could remember wearing. He wiggled his feet, crinkling the surface of the light tan Italian leather shoes, creased at the stress points. Above them he could
Then another loud noise, a slight movement and then he came to a sudden stop. The hydraulic and all-powerful gushing torrents battered him from every angle, around him, over him, under him, and across him. He had been turned around by the water flow and now faced landwards, caught on a fallen branch of a dead tree. Squirming nervously, he tried to swing his legs and manoeuvre himself free to continue in the stream. Alas it was fruitless. It was going to be a lot harder than he first assumed. He knew if he got stuck for the day, then that would be that. He would be condemned to live out his days as a reptile.
After what seemed like an age of struggling, he heard voices in the distance. They sounded mumbled, but became clearer as they got closer.
“Look, Daddy, it’s a tortoise. We must help him, Daddy, please, Daddy.”
“Fuck off, you little bastard, get the fuck away from me,” barked Ed as the boy’s father waded into the water for the rescue.
“I’m not going to become your fucking pet, you little ponce.”
“Oh, Daddy, can you hear, he is bleating with little tortoise noises crying for help, how sweet. He knows we’re going to save him.”
“Oh, for fuck sake, piss off, piss off and leave me alone, I’m trying to kill myself.”
At this moment the father reached out his enormous hand towards Ed. He seemed like a giant, an absolute colossal monster. Even so, at full stretch he could barely reach him. Patiently moving closer, cautious of the fast currents, the man reached out to his full extension and got his fingers under the shell between his head and left leg. As he levered him from the branch, Ed saw his opportunity and with all the might and strength he could muster, he flicked his head around and bit his hand aggressively.
“Arrhhhh, you little reptile fucker. Did you see that, Billy?”
The man had responded exactly as Ed assumed, pulling out of the rescue attempt abruptly and freeing him from the branch and back into the vicious flow of water.
“You killed him, dad, you drowned the tortoise. He could have been our pet,” the kid snarled at the bemused man as Ed sped off downstream like a sperm in a fallopian tube.
“Ha, ha, mother fucker,” blurted Ed through the watery bubbles as he got tossed upside down in the depraved current. The water gushed in, dragging him to the bottom of the flow, crashing him against rocks and boulders and knocking him from consciousness. Ed had achieved his goal, a relatively painless end. The first suicidal tortoise in the history of the Home Counties had concluded his reptilian adventure, at least for the time being.
Chapter 6
Silicon Alley
Supersonic gusts tore at speed over Ed’s body, forcing his flesh to ripple in fast moving waves of motion. Bewildered and muddled, he started to come round, unable to open his eyes in the whirling tornado. Thoughts flashed through his mind, the fox eating chocolate, the strange adventure in the lair and the dim recollection of eating flowers and lettuce in abundance. He screeched to a halt, decelerating to stillness like an instant sound effect in reverse.
He gradually became aware of a focused ray of light, burning into his eyelids with laser precision. Soon his squinting gave way to blurry vision as he realised he was floating helplessly in some sort of windswept tunnel.
He twisted and turned anxiously with zero gravity, spinning crazily in an anti-clockwise direction catching sight of the stationary laser light once every revolution. His body felt more familiar to him and sensation had come back into his limbs. He lifted his head slightly and glanced down towards his feet. To his amazement he was dressed in his own clothes, the last ones he could remember wearing. He wiggled his feet, crinkling the surface of the light tan Italian leather shoes, creased at the stress points. Above them he could
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