Read Online A Stranger's Wish by Gayle Roper - Free Book Online Page A

and took Big Bird’s cover off his cage, and he chirped a good morning. I gave him some fresh food and squirted water into his dish from one bottle of the case I had slid under my bed. With no running water up here, bottled water loomed large in my future.
    My future. I got the Todd evaluations I’d written last night and stared at them.
    Dear Lord, is it just pride that makes me feel Todd doesn’t appreciate me, the real me? After all, he was very nice, and he had many fine qualities. Maybe after we’re married, I can make him realize that he makes me feel stupid.
    “Ha!” I said aloud. “Do you really think you can change a thirty-year-old lawyer who’s as set in his ways as anyone you’ve ever met? Who are you kidding, girl?”
    Big Bird chirped at me happily. He loved having conversations.
    “What do you think, Bird? I haven’t got a chance, have I? It’s Todd as he is or not at all.”
    Nodding his head vigorously, Big Bird sang.
    I sighed and reached for It’s Up to You , the book by Clarke Griffin that both the Zooks and I were reading. I found my place.
The Holy Spirit woos us. He draws us, convicts us, teaches us. But God in his wisdom seems to have left the privilege of final choice to us—and with this privilege comes the responsibility for our choices.
Sometimes we make mundane decisions—to floss or not to floss—and sometimes we make eternally significant ones—to believe or not to believe.
Many times we make wrong choices, and rather than accept accountability, we make excuses limited only by our imaginations.
“My parents always found fault with me. That’s why I criticize my wife and kids.”
“Everybody cheats on their taxes. Why shouldn’t I?”
“Well, Billy started it!”
All these excuses for wrong behavior are just that—excuses, justifications for our falling short. It seems to me that as long as someone else is responsible for our troubles, we have no hope of solving our problems. If someone else consciously or unconsciously makes my choices for me, am I not well and truly trapped? Am I not hopeless?
“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,” Joshua said to each individual in Israel. He could not decide for the people even so proper a thing as worshipping God. Each had to choose alone and bear the responsibility for the choice.
     
    The clopping of hooves caught my attention. The Zooks were leaving for church. I glanced at my clock. Seven fifteen.
    I watched the buggy disappear out of sight. Did the Amish make fewer choices than I did? Or did they just make different ones? Or the same ones in different garb? Someone brought Ruth home last night. She had to make decisions about him, didn’t she?
    “And what decisions should I make?” I asked my reflection as I combed my hair.
    I heard no answer.

6
     
     
    I was so happy with the church I had found in Lancaster. The people there loved God, and it showed in their worship and in their concern for each other. They welcomed me from the beginning, and it was there I had met Todd.
    Today I found him waiting for me as usual when I came in the front door. I smiled wanly as he followed me down the aisle and sat beside me. Sitting together was a habit we’d fallen into, and in one of those blazing moments of insight I realized it probably meant a lot more to him than it did to me.
    Another thing to note in the negative column of my Todd lists.
    I turned sideways in my seat to put down my purse and Bible and was surprised to see Jon Clarke sitting behind me.
    “Hello,” he whispered, and I nodded my head in acknowledgment.
    I turned back to the front, frowning. For some reason, I wasn’t certain I wanted him sitting behind me. As it turned out, I had difficulty concentrating on the Scripture reading. I stumbled over the words of music I’d sung for years. Instead of worshipping, I wondered whether the back of my hair looked good. Or whether I had any tags showing at my neckline. Or whether Todd looked too possessive.