Read Online A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill by Lemony Snicket - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Lemony Snicket
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sensible beige shoes. For above the pale lipstick on Shirley's face, and below the blond wig on Shirley's head, was a pair of shiny, shiny eyes that the two children recognized at once. Dr. Orwell, in behaving politely, had been the honey, instead of the vinegar. The children, unfortunately, were the flies. And Count Olaf, sitting at the receptionist's desk with an evil smile, had caught them at last.
Chapter Nine
Oftentimes, when children are in trouble, you will hear people say that it is all because of low selfesteem. "Low self-esteem" is a phrase which here describes children who do not think much of themselves. They might think that they are ugly, or boring, or unable to do anything correctly, or some combination of these things, and whether or not they are right, you can see why those sorts of feelings might lead one into trouble. In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one's self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble, a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principa,l than what you think of yourself. And so it was as Violet and Sunny Baudelaire stared at Count Olaf or, as the nameplate on his desk said, Shirley. Violet and Sunny had a very healthy amount of self-esteem. Violet knew she could do things correctly, because she had invented many devices that worked perfectly. Sunny knew she wasn't boring, because her siblings always took an interest in what she had to say. And both Baudelaire sisters knew that they weren't ugly, because they could see their pleasant facial features reflected back at them, in the middle of Count Olaf's shiny, shiny eyes. But it did not matter that they thought these things, because they were trapped. "Why, hello there, little girls," Count Olaf said in a ridiculously high voice, as if he were really a receptionist named Shirley instead of an evil man after the Baudelaire fortune. "What are your names?" "You know our names," Violet said curtly, a word which here means "tired of Count Olaf's nonsense." "That wig and that lipstick don't fool us any more than your pale-brown dress and sensible beige shoes. You're Count Olaf." "I'm afraid you're mistaken," Count Olaf said. "I'm Shirley. See this nameplate?" "Fiti!" Sunny shrieked, which meant "That nameplate doesn't prove anything, of course!" "Sunny's right," Violet said. "You're not Shirley just because you have a small piece of wood with your name on it." "I'll tell you why I'm Shirley," Count Olaf said. "I'm Shirley because I would like to be called Shirley, and it is impolite not to do so." "I don't care if we're impolite," Violet said, "to such a disgusting person as yourself." Count Olaf shook his head. "But if you do something impolite to me" he said, "then I might do something impolite to you, like for instance tearing your hair out with my bare hands." Violet and Sunny looked at Count Olaf's hands. They noticed for the first time that he had grown his fingernails very long, and painted them bright pink as part of his disguise. The Baudelaire sisters looked at one another. Count Olaf's nails looked very sharp indeed. "O.K., Shirley, " Violet said. "You've been lurking around Paltryville since we arrived, haven't you?" Shirley lifted a hand to pat her wig into place. "Maybe," she said, still in her foolish high voice. "And you've been hiding out in the eye-shaped building this whole time, haven't you?" Violet said. Shirley batted her eyes, and Violet and Sunny noticed that beneath her one long eyebrow, another identifying mark of Count Olaf, she was wearing long false eyelashes. "Perhaps," she said. "And you're in cahoots with Dr. Orwell!" Violet said, using a phrase which here means "working with, in order to capture the Baudelaire fortune." "Aren't you?" "Possibly," Shirley said, crossing her legs and revealing long white stockings imprinted with the pattern of an eye. "Popinsh!" Sunny shrieked. "Sunny means," Violet said, "that
Chapter Nine
Oftentimes, when children are in trouble, you will hear people say that it is all because of low selfesteem. "Low self-esteem" is a phrase which here describes children who do not think much of themselves. They might think that they are ugly, or boring, or unable to do anything correctly, or some combination of these things, and whether or not they are right, you can see why those sorts of feelings might lead one into trouble. In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one's self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble, a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principa,l than what you think of yourself. And so it was as Violet and Sunny Baudelaire stared at Count Olaf or, as the nameplate on his desk said, Shirley. Violet and Sunny had a very healthy amount of self-esteem. Violet knew she could do things correctly, because she had invented many devices that worked perfectly. Sunny knew she wasn't boring, because her siblings always took an interest in what she had to say. And both Baudelaire sisters knew that they weren't ugly, because they could see their pleasant facial features reflected back at them, in the middle of Count Olaf's shiny, shiny eyes. But it did not matter that they thought these things, because they were trapped. "Why, hello there, little girls," Count Olaf said in a ridiculously high voice, as if he were really a receptionist named Shirley instead of an evil man after the Baudelaire fortune. "What are your names?" "You know our names," Violet said curtly, a word which here means "tired of Count Olaf's nonsense." "That wig and that lipstick don't fool us any more than your pale-brown dress and sensible beige shoes. You're Count Olaf." "I'm afraid you're mistaken," Count Olaf said. "I'm Shirley. See this nameplate?" "Fiti!" Sunny shrieked, which meant "That nameplate doesn't prove anything, of course!" "Sunny's right," Violet said. "You're not Shirley just because you have a small piece of wood with your name on it." "I'll tell you why I'm Shirley," Count Olaf said. "I'm Shirley because I would like to be called Shirley, and it is impolite not to do so." "I don't care if we're impolite," Violet said, "to such a disgusting person as yourself." Count Olaf shook his head. "But if you do something impolite to me" he said, "then I might do something impolite to you, like for instance tearing your hair out with my bare hands." Violet and Sunny looked at Count Olaf's hands. They noticed for the first time that he had grown his fingernails very long, and painted them bright pink as part of his disguise. The Baudelaire sisters looked at one another. Count Olaf's nails looked very sharp indeed. "O.K., Shirley, " Violet said. "You've been lurking around Paltryville since we arrived, haven't you?" Shirley lifted a hand to pat her wig into place. "Maybe," she said, still in her foolish high voice. "And you've been hiding out in the eye-shaped building this whole time, haven't you?" Violet said. Shirley batted her eyes, and Violet and Sunny noticed that beneath her one long eyebrow, another identifying mark of Count Olaf, she was wearing long false eyelashes. "Perhaps," she said. "And you're in cahoots with Dr. Orwell!" Violet said, using a phrase which here means "working with, in order to capture the Baudelaire fortune." "Aren't you?" "Possibly," Shirley said, crossing her legs and revealing long white stockings imprinted with the pattern of an eye. "Popinsh!" Sunny shrieked. "Sunny means," Violet said, "that
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