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Authors: Hunter J. Keane
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stop sounding so strange?
Emma’s hand squeezed my shoulder. “He likes you. I haven’t seen him that comfortable with anyone since my father.”
Feeling finally started to return to my extremities and I managed to stand. “I love him already.”
“Good. Now you know how I feel.” Emma took my hand and tugged. “Come outside with me.”
From her front porch, we could see the kids running around the neighborhood. We settled on her porch swing and watched them play. It occurred to me that this was the life I had run so determinedly from, and now that I was in the midst of it, there was nowhere I would rather be.
“How’s Connor?” I asked, unable to keep my nose out of Emma’s private life.
“He’s good. He has been traveling for work, but he’ll be back in town tomorrow.” Emma pulled her feet up and hugged her legs to her chest.
“Does he know about me?”
She tensed almost imperceptibly. “He does.”
“I take it he’s not a fan?”
At this, she laughed. “Actually, he’s a big fan of your music. But he’s not really excited about the idea of us spending so much time together.”
“Emma, these last few days have been… confusing. I don’t know if I’ve ever been angrier or happier or more lost. But for the first time in a really long time, I feel alive again.” She had told me her history, everything that had shaped her in the last ten years. But I hadn’t told her anything about my own story.
“Sounds like you’ve got ten the hang of this parenting thing,” she said. “You’re not getting cold feet? Because you’re about ten years too late for that.”
“No cold feet,” I said. “I just want don’t to screw this up. I want to be the kind of dad that T.J. deserves.”
“What makes you think you’re going to screw this up?”
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “I screw up everything, Emma. It’s the only thing I’m good at these days.”
“I don’t believe that.” Emma looked at me and I knew she wasn’t seeing the broken man that I had become; she saw the hopeful boy I had once been. That was Emma- always seeing the best in me. “You’re a better man than you know.”
“How can you say that after everything?”
“Because you’re here right now. You found out the truth about me and T.J., and you didn’t run away. You could have. A lot of men would have. But you didn’t.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I left you a long time ago. If I would have done things right then, your life would be entirely different now.”
T.J. spotted us on the porch and he waved furiously as he ran past.
“But then I wouldn’t have T.J.” Emma shook her head. “My life would be nothing without him in it.”
I watched our son jump over a bush, laughing and teasing his friends. His joy was infectious. “I think I know how you feel, Em.”
“Good. The next time he gets sick and is projectile vomiting, you’ll be the first one I call.” She was teasing, but only just a little. Because what she said was also true.
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t have to call me at all. I’d prefer it if it could always be like this, with the three of us together.” I had no idea those words were going to come out of my mouth but once they did, I didn’t regret them.
“Tyler.” Emma’s lips pressed into a firm, thin line. It was a face I recognized well.
I held up a hand to stop the argument I knew was coming. “I know. You’ve got a life here that doesn’t include me. I respect that. I’m not going to say I’m happy about it because I’m not, but if you’re happy, then that’s all that matters.”
“You mean Connor?”
“Connor and whatever else is going on in your life that doesn’t include me. You’re entitled to have your own life, Emma. I just want to be a small part of it.”
“You’re already more than a small part of it.”
I thought she was talking about T.J., but she got to her feet. She padded inside and returned a moment later,
Emma’s hand squeezed my shoulder. “He likes you. I haven’t seen him that comfortable with anyone since my father.”
Feeling finally started to return to my extremities and I managed to stand. “I love him already.”
“Good. Now you know how I feel.” Emma took my hand and tugged. “Come outside with me.”
From her front porch, we could see the kids running around the neighborhood. We settled on her porch swing and watched them play. It occurred to me that this was the life I had run so determinedly from, and now that I was in the midst of it, there was nowhere I would rather be.
“How’s Connor?” I asked, unable to keep my nose out of Emma’s private life.
“He’s good. He has been traveling for work, but he’ll be back in town tomorrow.” Emma pulled her feet up and hugged her legs to her chest.
“Does he know about me?”
She tensed almost imperceptibly. “He does.”
“I take it he’s not a fan?”
At this, she laughed. “Actually, he’s a big fan of your music. But he’s not really excited about the idea of us spending so much time together.”
“Emma, these last few days have been… confusing. I don’t know if I’ve ever been angrier or happier or more lost. But for the first time in a really long time, I feel alive again.” She had told me her history, everything that had shaped her in the last ten years. But I hadn’t told her anything about my own story.
“Sounds like you’ve got ten the hang of this parenting thing,” she said. “You’re not getting cold feet? Because you’re about ten years too late for that.”
“No cold feet,” I said. “I just want don’t to screw this up. I want to be the kind of dad that T.J. deserves.”
“What makes you think you’re going to screw this up?”
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “I screw up everything, Emma. It’s the only thing I’m good at these days.”
“I don’t believe that.” Emma looked at me and I knew she wasn’t seeing the broken man that I had become; she saw the hopeful boy I had once been. That was Emma- always seeing the best in me. “You’re a better man than you know.”
“How can you say that after everything?”
“Because you’re here right now. You found out the truth about me and T.J., and you didn’t run away. You could have. A lot of men would have. But you didn’t.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I left you a long time ago. If I would have done things right then, your life would be entirely different now.”
T.J. spotted us on the porch and he waved furiously as he ran past.
“But then I wouldn’t have T.J.” Emma shook her head. “My life would be nothing without him in it.”
I watched our son jump over a bush, laughing and teasing his friends. His joy was infectious. “I think I know how you feel, Em.”
“Good. The next time he gets sick and is projectile vomiting, you’ll be the first one I call.” She was teasing, but only just a little. Because what she said was also true.
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t have to call me at all. I’d prefer it if it could always be like this, with the three of us together.” I had no idea those words were going to come out of my mouth but once they did, I didn’t regret them.
“Tyler.” Emma’s lips pressed into a firm, thin line. It was a face I recognized well.
I held up a hand to stop the argument I knew was coming. “I know. You’ve got a life here that doesn’t include me. I respect that. I’m not going to say I’m happy about it because I’m not, but if you’re happy, then that’s all that matters.”
“You mean Connor?”
“Connor and whatever else is going on in your life that doesn’t include me. You’re entitled to have your own life, Emma. I just want to be a small part of it.”
“You’re already more than a small part of it.”
I thought she was talking about T.J., but she got to her feet. She padded inside and returned a moment later,
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