Read Online A Love to Live For by Nikita Heart - Free Book Online Page B

debated on whether or not to tell Michelle the truth, then, thinking that she was my best friend, after all, and she would never tell anyone anything I told her in confidence, I decided it was time for me to tell her the whole truth.
    “I told myself I can’t fall in love with Joseph and I’m not going to,” I told her.
    “Because?”
    “Because…” I leaned across the table so I could finish the sentence in a whisper. “Joseph is dying.”
    At the news, she gasped, then hastily covered her mouth. Then, when the shock had subsided, she crossed over to sit beside me. “What do you mean?”
    “He has a brain tumor,” I whispered to Michelle. “Even I don’t know how long he has left to live.”
    “Well, that certainly changes things,” Michelle said, sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest. “Wait, how long have you known this?”
    “Since the beginning,” I answered.
    “So you knew it before you agreed to go out with him?”
    “Yes.”
    “And you still agreed to go out with him?”
    “Yes.”
    “And now, you’re trying not to fall in love with him?” She gave me a puzzled look. “Rebecca, I don’t understand. If you didn’t want to get hurt, then you should never have agreed to go out with him.”
    “I told myself I’d cross the bridge when I got there,” I reasoned. “I didn’t think I was going to fall in love with him for real.”
    “But you have.”
    “And I thought I would be strong enough, that I would be able to endure losing him,” I added. “But now, I’m not so sure. In fact, just today, when I got a message from him saying that he and his sister suddenly had to go out of town, I suddenly missed him and then I started thinking about how it would be if he were no longer around and my chest just felt so tight and so painful.”
    Michelle rubbed my back.
    “I don’t think I’ll be able to stand losing him, Michelle,” I said. “Frankly, I’m afraid.”
    Michelle sighed. Then, she placed her hand over mine. “Rebecca, I know this must hurt. There’s nothing more painful than losing the person you love, after all. But there’s nothing you can do about it now. You’re already in love with him and yet the fact remains that he…will soon be gone. All you can do is just…just love him until he’s gone.”
    “We can just stay as friends,” I said. “That way, it won’t hurt so much when he leaves me.”
    “Do you think it doesn’t hurt to stay friends when both of you have feelings for each other?” Michelle said. “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to run away, but you can’t, Rebecca, not this time. You love him and love is not something you can run away from. Even if you leave Joseph, even if you decide that the two of you should just stay friends, you will still get hurt when he…he goes away. In fact, you’ll hurt more because you never allowed yourself to love him.”
    “I don’t know, Michelle,” I said, placing my other hand on my forehead. “I was never ready for this. I never expected it, but now, I…I don’t think I can stand to lose him.”
    “Ssh.” Michelle squeezed my hand. “Well, at least, now, you’re beginning to acknowledge that you do love Joseph. All that’s left to do is to tell him, to show him. I’m sure if you do, he’ll show you how much he loves you, too, and maybe that love will be enough to give you strength to face what’s to come.”
    “I don’t know about that.” I shook my head. “I loved my Mom and she loved me but somehow, that made it even harder for me to let go of her.”
    “But you are glad that you were able to know her and love her, right? You’re happy that she died loving you?”
    I said nothing, though I could understand what she was trying to say.
    “It is very difficult to lose someone you love,” Michelle went on. “But as they say, it is better to have loved and lost, then to not have loved at all. Just think, would you have preferred never to have known Joseph at all?