Read Online A Kosher Dating Odyssey: One Former Texas Baptist's Quest for a Naughty & Nice Jewish Girl by van Wallach - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: van Wallach
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earnestly about “the black helicopters.”
Growing up in Texas and then moving to the Northeast scrambled my politics. People down there think I’m a commie-hippie-pinko-treehugger. Folks in the Northeast think I’m a crypto-fascist Texas gun nut. The truth is actually in the middle. I’m a free thinker, and that drives people crazy.
Heard of Kinky Friedman? Heck, I interviewed Ol’ Kinky once for a magazine article I wrote about the Lone Star Roadhouse in New York. We had a real nice visit, too.
A college roommate thought my mother sounded exactly like Lady Bird Johnson.
You find six streams of political philosophy in Texas: Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, Extremely Conservative, and East Texas.
The longer I did online dating, the more I found my profile worked exactly as I wanted it to. Years of tinkering polished it to a high gloss of effective communications. I mentioned The Odyssey and the final lines of Ulysses by James Joyce (“and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”); I spoke frankly about my interest in Judaism. I skipped, to the greatest extent possible, the clichés of dating profiles: fine wine, walks on the beach, skiing, and whatever I figured the other guys—those tall, dark, rich and handsome swordsmen I imagined running wild—were saying. I couldn’t compete except on my own terms, and I made a joke about that. So I accentuated the positives that would work for women who would want a guy like me.
Walks on the beach? How about a picnic and a walk around the lake?
I eventually evolved away from the screen name that worked so well. TexasHoldEm got stale after a while. Even a good name needs a refresher. Nice new merchandise always gets at least a glance from the window shoppers, so my last iteration at JDate used the name OurYidinHavana, chosen after I went on a week-long Jewish humanitarian trip to Cuba. I liked the ring of it, the reference to the Graham Greene novel Our Man in Havana and the exotic locale of the trip. Here’s a compilation of my evolving profiles:
Like Odysseus, I am a man of twists and turns, sometimes blown off course but always eager to continue the journey. My path has taken me from Mission, a small town in South Texas (only Jewish family there) to Princeton, Brooklyn, and now Connecticut. I’m a little different from what you may have encountered before, a mix of the border and the city, Southwest and Northeast. Through trial and error I have found a satisfying place in life. I live in hope, not fear, and I’ll be a loyal friend, witty chat pal, and overall mensch. I have a strong Jewish identity, and I strive to live an ethical life. The writings of Rabbis Abraham Twerski and Arye Kaplan have deeply influenced me. I enjoy languages, and have studied Hebrew, Yiddish, Spanish, Russian, and, most recently, Portuguese; I don’t claim to speak any of them but just the act of studying opens new worlds and words for me and keeps my middle-aged brain challenged. I just need somebody to practice with. I have eclectic music tastes, from Latin (Cuba’s Los Van Van is a favorite) to Cajun to hard-core honky-tonk to smooch-jazz to bossa nova. I practice an archaic Southern chivalry; I hold open doors, stand up when a lady enters the room, write thank-you notes, and help you get your coat off. If you’re seeking the oh-so-elusive tall single straight Jewish male, I score high on every attribute except “tall.” (And four out of five ain’t bad, is it?).
A great relationship would be warm, honest, surprising, open to disagreements but never in a spiteful way, considerate, and understanding. A man and a woman connect on mental, emotional and, of course, physical levels. Hugs, kisses, Cool Whip, you know what I mean. And moderation in all things, including moderation.
The woman I find will probably be an artist, writer, PR maven, teacher, psychologist, or consultant with a good head on her pretty shoulders, who appreciates experiences more
Growing up in Texas and then moving to the Northeast scrambled my politics. People down there think I’m a commie-hippie-pinko-treehugger. Folks in the Northeast think I’m a crypto-fascist Texas gun nut. The truth is actually in the middle. I’m a free thinker, and that drives people crazy.
Heard of Kinky Friedman? Heck, I interviewed Ol’ Kinky once for a magazine article I wrote about the Lone Star Roadhouse in New York. We had a real nice visit, too.
A college roommate thought my mother sounded exactly like Lady Bird Johnson.
You find six streams of political philosophy in Texas: Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, Extremely Conservative, and East Texas.
The longer I did online dating, the more I found my profile worked exactly as I wanted it to. Years of tinkering polished it to a high gloss of effective communications. I mentioned The Odyssey and the final lines of Ulysses by James Joyce (“and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”); I spoke frankly about my interest in Judaism. I skipped, to the greatest extent possible, the clichés of dating profiles: fine wine, walks on the beach, skiing, and whatever I figured the other guys—those tall, dark, rich and handsome swordsmen I imagined running wild—were saying. I couldn’t compete except on my own terms, and I made a joke about that. So I accentuated the positives that would work for women who would want a guy like me.
Walks on the beach? How about a picnic and a walk around the lake?
I eventually evolved away from the screen name that worked so well. TexasHoldEm got stale after a while. Even a good name needs a refresher. Nice new merchandise always gets at least a glance from the window shoppers, so my last iteration at JDate used the name OurYidinHavana, chosen after I went on a week-long Jewish humanitarian trip to Cuba. I liked the ring of it, the reference to the Graham Greene novel Our Man in Havana and the exotic locale of the trip. Here’s a compilation of my evolving profiles:
Like Odysseus, I am a man of twists and turns, sometimes blown off course but always eager to continue the journey. My path has taken me from Mission, a small town in South Texas (only Jewish family there) to Princeton, Brooklyn, and now Connecticut. I’m a little different from what you may have encountered before, a mix of the border and the city, Southwest and Northeast. Through trial and error I have found a satisfying place in life. I live in hope, not fear, and I’ll be a loyal friend, witty chat pal, and overall mensch. I have a strong Jewish identity, and I strive to live an ethical life. The writings of Rabbis Abraham Twerski and Arye Kaplan have deeply influenced me. I enjoy languages, and have studied Hebrew, Yiddish, Spanish, Russian, and, most recently, Portuguese; I don’t claim to speak any of them but just the act of studying opens new worlds and words for me and keeps my middle-aged brain challenged. I just need somebody to practice with. I have eclectic music tastes, from Latin (Cuba’s Los Van Van is a favorite) to Cajun to hard-core honky-tonk to smooch-jazz to bossa nova. I practice an archaic Southern chivalry; I hold open doors, stand up when a lady enters the room, write thank-you notes, and help you get your coat off. If you’re seeking the oh-so-elusive tall single straight Jewish male, I score high on every attribute except “tall.” (And four out of five ain’t bad, is it?).
A great relationship would be warm, honest, surprising, open to disagreements but never in a spiteful way, considerate, and understanding. A man and a woman connect on mental, emotional and, of course, physical levels. Hugs, kisses, Cool Whip, you know what I mean. And moderation in all things, including moderation.
The woman I find will probably be an artist, writer, PR maven, teacher, psychologist, or consultant with a good head on her pretty shoulders, who appreciates experiences more
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