Read Online A Dirty Job (Grim Reaper #1) by Christopher Moore - Free Book Online Page A

holding appeared to be swept out of his hand and was pulled straight up, over the four-story building and out of sight.
    Charlie turned and held the cane at ready, but whatever had been there seemed to be gone now.
    “Aren’t you just supposed to sit above the door and nevermore and be poetic and stuff?!” he shouted at the sky. Then, for good measure, added, “You evil fuck!”
    Lazarus barked, then whined. A sharp and metallic yapping rose from Bummer’s garbage can.
    “Well, you don’t see that every day,” said the Emperor as he limped up to Charlie.
    “You could see that?”
    “Well, no, not really. Merely a shadow, but I could see that something was there. There was something there, wasn’t there, Charlie?”
    Charlie nodded, trying to catch his breath. “It will be back. It followed me across the city.” He dug into his pocket for his keys. “You guys should duck into the store with me, Your Majesty.” Of course Charlie knew the Emperor. Every San Franciscan knew the Emperor.
    The Emperor smiled. “That’s very kind of you, but we will be perfectly safe. For now I need to free my charge from his galvanized prison.” The big man tipped the garbage can and Bummer emerged snorting and tossing his head as if ready to tear the ass out of any man or beast foolhardy enough to cross him (and he would have, as long as they were knee-high or shorter).
    Charlie was still having trouble with the key. He knew he should have had the lock replaced, but it worked, if you finessed it a little, so he’d never made it a priority. Who the hell thought you’d ever have to get in quick to escape a giant bird? Then he heard a screech and turned to see not one, but two huge ravens coming over the roof and diving into the alley. The dogs arfed a frantic barking salvo at the avian intruders and Charlie put so much body English into wiggling the key in the lock that he felt an atrophied dancing muscle tear in his hip.
    “They’re back. Cover me.” Charlie threw the cane to the Emperor and braced himself for the impact, but as soon as the cane touched the old man’s hand the birds were gone. You could almost hear the pop of the air replacing the space they had taken up. The dogs caught themselves in mid-ruff; Bummer whimpered.
    “What?” the Emperor said. “What?”
    “They’re gone.”
    The Emperor looked at the sky. “You’re sure?”
    “For now.”
    “I saw two shadows. Really saw them this time,” the Emperor said.
    “Yes, there were two this time.”
    “What are they?”
    “I have no idea, but when you took the cane they—well, they disappeared. You really saw them?”
    “I’m sure of it. Like smoke with a purpose.”
    Finally the key turned in the lock and the door to Asher’s back room swung open. “You should come in. Rest. I’ll order something to eat.”
    “No, no, the men and I must be on our rounds. I’ve decided to make a proclamation this morning and we need to see the printer. You’ll be needing this.” The Emperor presented the cane to Charlie like he was turning over a sword of the realm.
    Charlie started to take it, then thought better of it. “Your Majesty, I think you’d better keep that. It looks as if you might be able to use it.” Charlie nodded toward the Emperor’s creaky knee.
    The Emperor held the cane steady. “I am not a worshiper of the material, you know?”
    “I understand that.”
    “I am a firm believer that desire is the source of most of human suffering, you’re aware, and no culprit is more heinous than desire for material gain.”
    “I run my business based on those very principles. Still, I insist you keep the cane—as a favor to me, if you would?”
    Charlie found himself affecting the Emperor’s formal speech patterns, as if somehow he had been transported to a royal court where a nobleman was distinguished by bread crumbs in his beard and the royal guard were not above licking their balls.
    “Well, as a favor, I will accept. It is a fine piece of