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was a charlatan. Oh, he may not dress in monk’s robes or have a beard or collect the hair of virgins, but he’s no more a mystic oracle than Rasputin ever was.
Because any astrologer who can’t interpret from Valentine Princess 9 9
my star chart that Michael Moscovitz and I are meant to be together forever is a hack.
Or possibly, receiving a kickback from my grandmother, who can’t stand Michael because he’s not a royal or, even worse, super rich, and so therefore, in her eyes, not a worthy consort for her granddaughter. I did thank Dr. Steve politely for letting me know I’m
destined to do great things when I take over the throne of Genovia, just to be polite. But the truth is, any palm reader off the street could have predicted that. I mean, what with my plan to convert the palace into a giant animal shelter, and all.
Jeesh.
I wonder how much money Grandmère has given this fraud. Maybe I should call my dad. I mean, the last thing we need right now is a coup attempt by a populace alienated by Grandmère’s prof ligate spending. Dad’s still having a hard enough time calming parliament down about the parking meter controversy I inadvertently started over winter break.
Who knew a bunch of cabinet members could be 10 9 The Princess Diaries
so touchy? You’d think they’d be a little more grateful. It’s only a matter of time until the constant barrage of tourists from U.S. cruise ships completely destroys Genovia’s fragile infrastructure. We’ve got to start seeking revenue elsewhere, and phase out the cruise ships, or Genovia’s going to start sinking, just like Venice.
God, being a princess is hard.
Valentine Princess 9 11
Tuesday, February 11, 10 p.m., the loft
Okay, so it was a mistake to IM Tina Hakim Baba and tell her what Dr. Steve said. I mean, I only told her because I thought it was funny, and Tina needs cheering up these days because Valentine’s is only three days away and she still doesn’t have anyone to exchange cards and Whitman’s Samplers with, let alone someone to give her a genuine simulated ruby-encrusted heart pendant from Kay Jewelers (Every Kiss Begins with Kay), since Dave Farouq El-Abar dumped her for a girl named Jasmine, who has turquoise braces (and they didn’t even last. Tina said she saw him at Serendipity 3 last weekend sharing a frozen hot chocolate with some girl with no braces and a blow-out). Anyway, I expected her to be all, “Don’t listen to Dr. Steve! He’s wrong!” Only that’s not how she reacted.
ILUVROMANCE: Seriously, Mia, you have to DO
something. Dr. Steve is one of America’s premier 12 9 The Princess Diaries
astrologists! He correctly predicted that ’NSync would break up!
FTLOUIE:Well, if he’s that good, I guess there’s nothing I can do, is there? Except lie back and accept my fate.
I was totally joking. I forgot that sarcasm is usually totally lost on Tina. ILUVROMANCE: No!!! That’s the WORST thing you could do!!!! What is wrong with you, Mia? You’ve got to FIGHT!!! FIGHT FOR THE MAN YOU
LOVE.
FTLOUIE:Tina, how can I fight for the man I love when I don’t even know what I’m fighting against? I mean, not that I believe anything Dr. Steve said has any merit. Don’t forget, he says someone’s going to propose to Grandmère. Who’d be stupid enough to do THAT?
Valentine Princess 9 13
ILUVROMANCE: Your grandfather, for one. Listen, all this means is that you have to be REALLY careful. Don’t give Michael any reason to dump you—the way I did with Dave.
FTLOUIE: Tina! You did not give Dave a reason to dump you! He just dumped you because he’s an immature jerk!
ILUVROMANCE: No, Mia. Enough time has passed since our breakup for me to see now where I went wrong. I let Dave slip through my fingers by trying to play it cool, since he was so afraid of commitment. But I see now what I should have done was give him a REASON to WANT TO COMMIT to me.
FTLOUIE:You mean like . . . SLEEP WITH
Because any astrologer who can’t interpret from Valentine Princess 9 9
my star chart that Michael Moscovitz and I are meant to be together forever is a hack.
Or possibly, receiving a kickback from my grandmother, who can’t stand Michael because he’s not a royal or, even worse, super rich, and so therefore, in her eyes, not a worthy consort for her granddaughter. I did thank Dr. Steve politely for letting me know I’m
destined to do great things when I take over the throne of Genovia, just to be polite. But the truth is, any palm reader off the street could have predicted that. I mean, what with my plan to convert the palace into a giant animal shelter, and all.
Jeesh.
I wonder how much money Grandmère has given this fraud. Maybe I should call my dad. I mean, the last thing we need right now is a coup attempt by a populace alienated by Grandmère’s prof ligate spending. Dad’s still having a hard enough time calming parliament down about the parking meter controversy I inadvertently started over winter break.
Who knew a bunch of cabinet members could be 10 9 The Princess Diaries
so touchy? You’d think they’d be a little more grateful. It’s only a matter of time until the constant barrage of tourists from U.S. cruise ships completely destroys Genovia’s fragile infrastructure. We’ve got to start seeking revenue elsewhere, and phase out the cruise ships, or Genovia’s going to start sinking, just like Venice.
God, being a princess is hard.
Valentine Princess 9 11
Tuesday, February 11, 10 p.m., the loft
Okay, so it was a mistake to IM Tina Hakim Baba and tell her what Dr. Steve said. I mean, I only told her because I thought it was funny, and Tina needs cheering up these days because Valentine’s is only three days away and she still doesn’t have anyone to exchange cards and Whitman’s Samplers with, let alone someone to give her a genuine simulated ruby-encrusted heart pendant from Kay Jewelers (Every Kiss Begins with Kay), since Dave Farouq El-Abar dumped her for a girl named Jasmine, who has turquoise braces (and they didn’t even last. Tina said she saw him at Serendipity 3 last weekend sharing a frozen hot chocolate with some girl with no braces and a blow-out). Anyway, I expected her to be all, “Don’t listen to Dr. Steve! He’s wrong!” Only that’s not how she reacted.
ILUVROMANCE: Seriously, Mia, you have to DO
something. Dr. Steve is one of America’s premier 12 9 The Princess Diaries
astrologists! He correctly predicted that ’NSync would break up!
FTLOUIE:Well, if he’s that good, I guess there’s nothing I can do, is there? Except lie back and accept my fate.
I was totally joking. I forgot that sarcasm is usually totally lost on Tina. ILUVROMANCE: No!!! That’s the WORST thing you could do!!!! What is wrong with you, Mia? You’ve got to FIGHT!!! FIGHT FOR THE MAN YOU
LOVE.
FTLOUIE:Tina, how can I fight for the man I love when I don’t even know what I’m fighting against? I mean, not that I believe anything Dr. Steve said has any merit. Don’t forget, he says someone’s going to propose to Grandmère. Who’d be stupid enough to do THAT?
Valentine Princess 9 13
ILUVROMANCE: Your grandfather, for one. Listen, all this means is that you have to be REALLY careful. Don’t give Michael any reason to dump you—the way I did with Dave.
FTLOUIE: Tina! You did not give Dave a reason to dump you! He just dumped you because he’s an immature jerk!
ILUVROMANCE: No, Mia. Enough time has passed since our breakup for me to see now where I went wrong. I let Dave slip through my fingers by trying to play it cool, since he was so afraid of commitment. But I see now what I should have done was give him a REASON to WANT TO COMMIT to me.
FTLOUIE:You mean like . . . SLEEP WITH
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