Read Online (1998) Denial by Peter James - Free Book Online Page A

to his e-mails, you have been
denying
his existence, OK? You had dinner with him, but did you really tell him the truth?’
    ‘Yes, I did.’
    ‘Did you say, “
Listen
, Brian, you’ve let me down. When we got into this whole thing together it was because you had told me your marriage was over. A month after we had started sleeping together, you dropped the bombshell that your wife was pregnant with your second child. OK, she was four months pregnant and she’d kept it from you because she’d had so many miscarriages she was nervous to talk about it, but that was some bombshell!”’ She watched Amanda’s face. ‘Sure, you had to wait. He couldn’t leave his wife while she was pregnant, he had to wait until she was back home, the baby was fine, she was settled.’ Maxine shrugged. ‘Then his wife had post-natal depression, so again he couldn’t leave her. For seven years you had one excuse after the other. He was always going to leave her and he never did. And then, two months ago, after telling you he hasn’t made love to her for six years, he breaks the news that she is pregnant again. And suddenly he’s run out ofroad, and you wake up and you realise where you have been for seven years. Did you just
think
that during your dinner or did you actually
tell
him?’
    ‘I – I told him.’ She thought for a moment. ‘Yes, I did.’
    ‘Were you angry with him or calm?’
    ‘I was calm. I tried to help him understand how I felt.’
    ‘Because you still love him.’ Maxine said, bluntly.
    ‘I don’t.’ Amanda was emphatic. ‘No. Not any more. I – I sat there across the table and I felt nothing.’
    ‘You didn’t feel
nothing
, Amanda. You must have felt
something
. Tell me what you felt.’
    Amanda was silent. Then she said, ‘I thought how
middle-aged
he looked. I felt sorry for him. I was pitying him. And I thought of some of the things I used to do to his body and I felt really, really – yuk!’
    The therapist’s face was impassive. ‘This date you have accepted, is this man different?’
    ‘Very.’
    ‘Married?’
    ‘No, his wife is dead.’
    ‘And are you excited about seeing him or are you just using this date as some kind of a test to see what it would feel like to be out with another man? You need to be honest with this answer, Amanda.’
    ‘A test, I guess, in part. He’s taking me to the Globe Theatre tomorrow, and I haven’t been there. And it’s a play I want to see.’
    ‘People go on dates because they want to be with each other, Amanda. This doesn’t sound like a
date
, it sounds like an
evening out
. You haven’t mentioned one thing about this man you are going with. Don’t you think that’s a little strange?’
    ‘He’s a very interesting guy.’
    ‘Does he turn you on? Do you want to sleep with him? Do you want to have his children?’
    Amanda grinned and reddened again. ‘Hey, slow down! I –’
    ‘You what?’
    ‘I haven’t thought about those things.’
    ‘You did with Brian. You told me you went to bed with him on your first date.’
    ‘Yes. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I just fancied him to death the moment I saw him.’
    ‘And this new man? You don’t fancy him to death?’
    Amanda shook her head. ‘No, I just like him. I hardly know him. Anyhow, I have a hidden agenda with him. I need him to be in my programme. It’s not a romance thing.’
    ‘What did you say his name was? Michael? So poor Michael is just an unwitting volunteer in your experiment, he’s your control sample, right? To see what it feels like being out with another man?’
    ‘No! It’s not as simple as that!’
    ‘Explain what you mean.’
    ‘Where’s this going, Maxine?’
    ‘You tell me.’
    ‘I don’t know. I have no idea. Probably nowhere.’
    ‘Are you sure you’re not attracted to him?’
    ‘You’re putting me under pressure!’
    ‘Uh-huh!’ Maxine nodded vigorously and good-humouredly. ‘I want an answer. Are you sure you’re not attracted to