Read Online 1995 - The UnDutchables by Colin White, Laurie Boucke - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Colin White, Laurie Boucke
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1992 statistics, some consequences of the foregoing ‘reasoning’ are as follows:
By the year 2005, more people will receive an uitkering than those who work (Ministry of Social Affairs).
Between 50,000 and 90,000 of the legal residents have no health insurance.
There were more than 900,000 people listed as ‘ disabled ’ in 1991 (‘ disabled ’ benefits are some of the most lucrative types).
The Netherlands has the most part-time jobs in the western world.
Chapter 10
MET WIE?—identification& telephone habits
Official Documents
If you spend more than a few days in Holland, you will undoubtedly be baffled by the Dutch obsession with paraffin (misspelled, parafen ). Indeed, the word appears on most Dutch documents.
A Dutch paraaf (signing of initials) consists of one or more large, illegible scribbles, used mainly to ensure that no one but the originator can decipher the initials. The formal signature ( handtekening , lit. ‘hand-drawing’) is equally as enigmatic as the initials, only there is more of it. Whether using the paraaf or hand-drawing, the process of bold and daring scribbling provides positive identification of the Dutch nationality.
Of equal importance on some documents is the stempel (rubber stamp). While some documents require only a paraaf , others need the hand-drawing and yet others need the ‘stamp.’ Sometimes a combination of stempel + paraaf or stamp + hand-drawing are necessary.
Place and Date
Other vital ingredients of a legal Dutch document include the date and place ( datum en plaats ), despite the fact that the place can easily be falsified and is inconsequential.
I. D.-ology (proof ofidentification)
When the Dutch bark ‘ legitimatie ’ at you, for once they are not being rude; they are not probing into your family history or parentage. The word is harmless, meaning ‘identification.’
The Dutch alien residence card ( verblijfskaart ), issued to non-Dutch dwellers LEGALLY residing in the Netherlands, requires strong proof of identity and purpose for its issuance. Yet this card is not considered a form of identification by most institutions, including the post office, even though it bears your name, photo, hand-drawing, birth date, place of birth, nationality and alien registration number, verified by a minimum of two stempels and an official hand-drawing by an authorized member of the alien police. Additional space is provided on the card for met wie?
Introductions
When being introduced to a Dutch person for the first time, a mutual monotone mumbling of names takes place. Expressions such as, ‘ How do you do?’, ‘Pleased to meet you ,’ etc., are not used. During the introduction, your gaze should be a vacant one. Avoid eye contact.
Hand contact, called ‘hand-giving’ ( hand geven ), consists of a nervous, damp, limp, hand wobble (see Chapter 14). The facial expression is one of boredom and indifference.
Telephone Manners
In Holland, you must state your name every time you answer your phone. If you fail to do so, the other party will either lapse into silence or demand to know who you are ( Met wie spreek ik? ) before uttering another word. Cloggies are seemingly incapable of holding any type of telephone conversation without knowing your name:
Can I speak to Mr. van Doom?
What is your name?
John Smith .
(Bluntly:)
Ja! The switchboard is closed. Call back later .
Can I leave my name or a message?
No!
Many Dutch suffer from telephonophobia ( telefoonvrees ). The symptoms include anxiety and extreme nervousness when dealing with both incoming and outgoing calls. The Dutch are at a loss to explain the origin of their phone fear, but admit it is not unknown for the weak-hearted to go into cardiac arrest at the sound of a ringing phone. An answer-phone only makes things worse, including the word for the associated affliction: telefoonbeantwoorderapparaatvrees .
Perhaps one cause of their telephonophobia is that deep in the subconscious mind, they all know what
By the year 2005, more people will receive an uitkering than those who work (Ministry of Social Affairs).
Between 50,000 and 90,000 of the legal residents have no health insurance.
There were more than 900,000 people listed as ‘ disabled ’ in 1991 (‘ disabled ’ benefits are some of the most lucrative types).
The Netherlands has the most part-time jobs in the western world.
Chapter 10
MET WIE?—identification& telephone habits
Official Documents
If you spend more than a few days in Holland, you will undoubtedly be baffled by the Dutch obsession with paraffin (misspelled, parafen ). Indeed, the word appears on most Dutch documents.
A Dutch paraaf (signing of initials) consists of one or more large, illegible scribbles, used mainly to ensure that no one but the originator can decipher the initials. The formal signature ( handtekening , lit. ‘hand-drawing’) is equally as enigmatic as the initials, only there is more of it. Whether using the paraaf or hand-drawing, the process of bold and daring scribbling provides positive identification of the Dutch nationality.
Of equal importance on some documents is the stempel (rubber stamp). While some documents require only a paraaf , others need the hand-drawing and yet others need the ‘stamp.’ Sometimes a combination of stempel + paraaf or stamp + hand-drawing are necessary.
Place and Date
Other vital ingredients of a legal Dutch document include the date and place ( datum en plaats ), despite the fact that the place can easily be falsified and is inconsequential.
I. D.-ology (proof ofidentification)
When the Dutch bark ‘ legitimatie ’ at you, for once they are not being rude; they are not probing into your family history or parentage. The word is harmless, meaning ‘identification.’
The Dutch alien residence card ( verblijfskaart ), issued to non-Dutch dwellers LEGALLY residing in the Netherlands, requires strong proof of identity and purpose for its issuance. Yet this card is not considered a form of identification by most institutions, including the post office, even though it bears your name, photo, hand-drawing, birth date, place of birth, nationality and alien registration number, verified by a minimum of two stempels and an official hand-drawing by an authorized member of the alien police. Additional space is provided on the card for met wie?
Introductions
When being introduced to a Dutch person for the first time, a mutual monotone mumbling of names takes place. Expressions such as, ‘ How do you do?’, ‘Pleased to meet you ,’ etc., are not used. During the introduction, your gaze should be a vacant one. Avoid eye contact.
Hand contact, called ‘hand-giving’ ( hand geven ), consists of a nervous, damp, limp, hand wobble (see Chapter 14). The facial expression is one of boredom and indifference.
Telephone Manners
In Holland, you must state your name every time you answer your phone. If you fail to do so, the other party will either lapse into silence or demand to know who you are ( Met wie spreek ik? ) before uttering another word. Cloggies are seemingly incapable of holding any type of telephone conversation without knowing your name:
Can I speak to Mr. van Doom?
What is your name?
John Smith .
(Bluntly:)
Ja! The switchboard is closed. Call back later .
Can I leave my name or a message?
No!
Many Dutch suffer from telephonophobia ( telefoonvrees ). The symptoms include anxiety and extreme nervousness when dealing with both incoming and outgoing calls. The Dutch are at a loss to explain the origin of their phone fear, but admit it is not unknown for the weak-hearted to go into cardiac arrest at the sound of a ringing phone. An answer-phone only makes things worse, including the word for the associated affliction: telefoonbeantwoorderapparaatvrees .
Perhaps one cause of their telephonophobia is that deep in the subconscious mind, they all know what
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