Read Online 16 Things I Thought Were True by Janet Gurtler - Free Book Online Page B

things. But there was no help with me. “What’s wrong? What’s with that face?” my mom asks. “Don’t worry, Morgan. I can deal with this. It’s going to be okay. It’ll all get paid off.”
    I take a breath. In through my nose. Out of my mouth. She’s not perfect, far from it, but she made sure I had everything I needed growing up. Well. Except a father. I stare down at my hands. I did a Google search for Bob White and it brought up a lot of images. It’s embarrassing to not even know him to look at him.
    â€œBob White is a pretty common name,” I say softly.
    She sighs. “I know.”
    I sit up straighter on her bed. “I don’t want to upset you, but I’m going to look for him.”
    She presses her lips together and stares behind me.
    â€œMom?”
    She doesn’t answer.
    â€œMom?”
    A plump tear squeezes out of her eye and rolls down her cheek. She finally looks at me. “I know. I understand.”
    My insides ache because I’m adding pain to her recovery. The back of my throat throbs. “I wanted you to know. I don’t want to go behind your back. Or hide it. I wanted you to know the truth.” Even though she hid it from me for so long. It’s the right thing to do.
    She stares into space.
    â€œI need to meet him,” I continue. “I’m prepared for him to slam doors in my face. I mean, I know he’s never even wanted to meet me. But I have to find him.” I don’t tell her my fear—that I might be left all alone.
    Her face seems to pale even more. She picks at her blanket, looks up at me, but as soon as her eyes meet mine, she looks back down. She’s terrified.
    â€œMom?”
    She picks at the blanket. Her hand shakes. “What’s it going to change?” she says softly. I stare at her, but she won’t look up.
    â€œEverything,” I say, and the resentment in my voice makes it louder than I intend. “Nothing.” I want to know who he is. How he lives. Does he have another family? Maybe I have a sister. Other people. Maybe, just maybe, if he meets me, he’ll see that I’m not so bad—that I am a good person.
    She glances up. “Just be careful what you wish for.”
    I hear her unsaid words. He’s never looked for me. He’s never tried to find me. But it’s not his choice anymore. And it’s not hers either. It’s mine. I want to see him in person. I want to know what he looks like—maybe even find out why he left me. I’m ready to handle this like a grown-up, even if the two of them aren’t.
    â€œFor the record, I don’t want you to do this,” she says, her voice flat.
    I bite my lip to keep myself from backing down, telling her I won’t. I inhale deeply and concentrate on breathing in and out.
    Neither one of us speaks. The machines in the room whir.
    â€œI’m sorry,” she says after another moment of quiet. “I know it’s not fair…it’s just that…” She stops. Sniffles. Closes her eyes.
    â€œIt’s okay,” I whisper.
    â€œNo. It isn’t.”
    I glance toward the door, hearing the boys chattering, their voices getting closer. “Victoria,” Mom says softly.
    I look back at her, wondering if she’s drifted off or if maybe she’s hallucinating that she’s talking to an old friend or something.
    â€œMom?” I lean forward and pat her shoulder gently. “It’s me, Morgan,” I whisper.
    â€œI know that,” she says and opens her eyes. “I mean, Victoria, British Columbia. The last I heard, Bob was living in Victoria.”
    I slowly process that. “You mean in Canada?”
    She nods.
    â€œHe’s Canadian?” For some reason this strikes me as absurd. I giggle.
    â€œWhen we met, he was working in the Seattle office of his company. He’s an engineer. Before you were born, he moved back to