Read Online 150 Movies You Should See Before You Die by Steve Miller - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Steve Miller
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A 3D remake was released in 2009 as part of the revival of 3D movies.
Trivia Quiz
What was the working title of this film?
A: Pick Me as Your Valentine
B: The Secret
C: Mine, Mine, Mine
D: Tunnels of Blood
Answer: B. The Secret . The film was made under a working title to prevent others from stealing the idea of a slasher film that used Valentine's Day as a hook.
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
Jalor Productions, 1964
PRODUCERS Joseph E. Levine (executive producer) and Paul L. Jacobson (producer)
WRITERS Glenville Mareth (script), Paul L. Jacobson (story)
DIRECTOR Nicholas Webster
STARS John Call ( Santa Claus ), Leonard Hicks ( Kimar ), Vincent Beck ( Voldar ), Victor Stiles ( Billy ), Donna Conforti ( Betty ), Bill McCutcheon ( Dropo ), Chris Month ( Bomar ), and Pia Zadora ( Girmar )
When Martians kidnap Santa Claus (Call) and bring him to Mars so that he can give joy and toys to their depressed children, conservative elements in Martian society plot his assassination.
Why It Sucks
Well, the idea sounded good to some movie executive: Santa being kidnapped by grumpy, evil Martians who ultimately are converted to goodness by his cheerful kindness and generosity. That's one that even a cynic like me can smile about. However, the execution of that idea in this film … sigh.
The sets are painfully cheap, the script is brain-numbingly stupid, and while I never would have suspected that a movie involving both Santa and Martians could be boring, this movie manages to be just that.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Costuming Award goes to … Voldar's magnificent mustache, undoubtedly one of the Twelve Wonders of Mars.
And the Worst Family Film Award goes to … Paul L. Jacobson for producing a film that might fascinate a newborn infant for ten seconds, but is likely to bore anyone over the age of sentience. (And when it comes to younger children, it may well be child abuse to subject them to it.)
They Really Said It!
Voldar: All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit.
Betcha Didn't Know
Santa Claus is known as Joulupukki in Finland (and probably also on Mars).
Lou Harry wrote a novelization of Santa Clause Conquers the Martians that was published in hardcover in 2005 and that came with a DVD of the movie bound in.
Trivia Quiz
Which of these actors has not played Santa Claus onscreen?
A: Paul Giamatti
B: Charles Durning
C: Tim Allen
D: Raymond Burr
Answer: D. Raymond Burr, although the Perry Mason episode titled “The Case of the Pathetic Patient,” costarred Percy Helton, who was the drunken Santa Claus in the 1947 version of Miracle on 34th Street.
SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER
Intrinsic Value Films, 2004
PRODUCERS Carl Tostevin (executive producer), Jeff Lieberman, Mickey McDonough, Isen Robbins, and Aimee Schoof (producers)
WRITER Jeff Lieberman
DIRECTOR Jeff Lieberman
STARS Alexander Brickel ( Dougie Whooly ), Amanda Plummer ( Merrill Whooly ), Katheryn Winnick ( Jenna Whooly ), Stephen Graham ( Alex Martin ), and Joshua Annex ( Satan Man )
A masked killer goes on a Halloween killing spree, assisted by Dougie (Brickel), a young boy who is unable to tell reality from his favorite computer game.
Why It Sucks
In this poster child for a weak script, every character suffers from Stupid Character Syndrome so that the film can run past half an hour. The character of Dougie has got to be some sort of cinematic milestone in permissive parenting. That kid's inability to distinguish between reality and fantasy is so over the top that he sounds like a young male version of Paula Abdul. Only the way Katheryn Winnick fills out her costume makes it possible to sit through this film.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Jeff Lieberman for creating the character of Dougie. (On the other hand, one has to admire child actor Alexander Brickel, who carries the movie and creates one of cinema's greatest — albeit unintentional —
A 3D remake was released in 2009 as part of the revival of 3D movies.
Trivia Quiz
What was the working title of this film?
A: Pick Me as Your Valentine
B: The Secret
C: Mine, Mine, Mine
D: Tunnels of Blood
Answer: B. The Secret . The film was made under a working title to prevent others from stealing the idea of a slasher film that used Valentine's Day as a hook.
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
Jalor Productions, 1964
PRODUCERS Joseph E. Levine (executive producer) and Paul L. Jacobson (producer)
WRITERS Glenville Mareth (script), Paul L. Jacobson (story)
DIRECTOR Nicholas Webster
STARS John Call ( Santa Claus ), Leonard Hicks ( Kimar ), Vincent Beck ( Voldar ), Victor Stiles ( Billy ), Donna Conforti ( Betty ), Bill McCutcheon ( Dropo ), Chris Month ( Bomar ), and Pia Zadora ( Girmar )
When Martians kidnap Santa Claus (Call) and bring him to Mars so that he can give joy and toys to their depressed children, conservative elements in Martian society plot his assassination.
Why It Sucks
Well, the idea sounded good to some movie executive: Santa being kidnapped by grumpy, evil Martians who ultimately are converted to goodness by his cheerful kindness and generosity. That's one that even a cynic like me can smile about. However, the execution of that idea in this film … sigh.
The sets are painfully cheap, the script is brain-numbingly stupid, and while I never would have suspected that a movie involving both Santa and Martians could be boring, this movie manages to be just that.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Costuming Award goes to … Voldar's magnificent mustache, undoubtedly one of the Twelve Wonders of Mars.
And the Worst Family Film Award goes to … Paul L. Jacobson for producing a film that might fascinate a newborn infant for ten seconds, but is likely to bore anyone over the age of sentience. (And when it comes to younger children, it may well be child abuse to subject them to it.)
They Really Said It!
Voldar: All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit.
Betcha Didn't Know
Santa Claus is known as Joulupukki in Finland (and probably also on Mars).
Lou Harry wrote a novelization of Santa Clause Conquers the Martians that was published in hardcover in 2005 and that came with a DVD of the movie bound in.
Trivia Quiz
Which of these actors has not played Santa Claus onscreen?
A: Paul Giamatti
B: Charles Durning
C: Tim Allen
D: Raymond Burr
Answer: D. Raymond Burr, although the Perry Mason episode titled “The Case of the Pathetic Patient,” costarred Percy Helton, who was the drunken Santa Claus in the 1947 version of Miracle on 34th Street.
SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER
Intrinsic Value Films, 2004
PRODUCERS Carl Tostevin (executive producer), Jeff Lieberman, Mickey McDonough, Isen Robbins, and Aimee Schoof (producers)
WRITER Jeff Lieberman
DIRECTOR Jeff Lieberman
STARS Alexander Brickel ( Dougie Whooly ), Amanda Plummer ( Merrill Whooly ), Katheryn Winnick ( Jenna Whooly ), Stephen Graham ( Alex Martin ), and Joshua Annex ( Satan Man )
A masked killer goes on a Halloween killing spree, assisted by Dougie (Brickel), a young boy who is unable to tell reality from his favorite computer game.
Why It Sucks
In this poster child for a weak script, every character suffers from Stupid Character Syndrome so that the film can run past half an hour. The character of Dougie has got to be some sort of cinematic milestone in permissive parenting. That kid's inability to distinguish between reality and fantasy is so over the top that he sounds like a young male version of Paula Abdul. Only the way Katheryn Winnick fills out her costume makes it possible to sit through this film.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Jeff Lieberman for creating the character of Dougie. (On the other hand, one has to admire child actor Alexander Brickel, who carries the movie and creates one of cinema's greatest — albeit unintentional —
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