Read Online To Visit the Queen by Diane Duane - Free Book Online

Iaehh said slowly. "I worry that I don't take care of you right. I worry..."
    "Don't worry," she said, snuggling a little closer to him.
    "And this place is expensive," he said. "Too big for one, really. I think I ought to move, but finding another building that allows pets is going to be such a hassle. I wonder if I shouldn't find you somewhere else to live."
    Rhiow's heart leaped in instant reaction: fear. He's going to try to rehome me, she thought. Someone would adopt her whom she hated, and she wouldn't be able to get out and go about her business. Or there were ehhif who, meaning nothing but the best, would not give away a pet if they could no longer keep it. They would take their cat to the vet and have it—
    Ridiculous, another part of her mind snapped. You're a wizard. If he seriously starts thinking about giving you away, then one day you can just vanish.
    Yes, said another part of her mind, and to where? To live with whom? Wizard Rhiow might be, but she was also a Person, and the one thing People hate above all is to have their routine disrupted. To lose the comfortable den, the sympathetic tone of mind of Iaehh, the food at regular intervals, and find herself... where? Living in a Dumpster, like Urruah? Rhiow shuddered. "Iaehh," she said, "this is a bad idea, I'd really rather you didn't follow this line of thought any farther."
    But what about him? said still another part of her mind, and Rhiow much disliked its tone, for it was like the voice that often spoke of wizardry and its responsibilities. What about his needs? How much pain do you cause him by being here, reminding him of Hhuha every time he sees you?
    And what about my needs? Rhiow retorted, fluffing up slightly. Don't you think I miss her? Damn it, what about my pain? Haven't I done enough in service to the Queen and the worlds to be allowed a little comfort, to think of myself first, just this once?
    No reply came. Rhiow disliked the silence as much as she had the voice when it spoke. It sounded entirely too much like the Whisperer, like Hrau'f the Silent, that daughter of Iau's who imparted knowledge of wizardry and the worlds to feline wizards, and who often seemed to have left a kind of goddaughter to herself inside you, stern as a goddess, inflexible as one, asking the questions you would rather not answer.
    What then? Rhiow said silently. Do I have to let him do this? Do I have to let him get rid of me?
    Silence: and Iaehh's stroking, all wound up with his pain and the way he missed Hhuha. Rhiow licked her nose in fear. She could practically feel his anguish through her fur.
    The Oath was clear enough on the matter, the Oath that every wizard of whatever species took in one form or another. I will guard growth and ease pain.... And you kept the Oath, or soon enough you began to slip away from the practice of your wizardry into something that did not bear consideration: into the service of the Lone Power, Who had invented death and pain. Entropy was running, the energy bleeding slowly away out of the universe: the Lone One would widen the wound, hurry the bleeding in any way It could. Tricking or manipulating wizards so that they used their power to Its ends was one of the Lone One's preferred techniques.
    I will not be Its claw, to rip the wound wider, Rhiow thought. Brave words, the right words for a wizard. But it was inside her that she felt the claw, already beginning to set in deep. She looked away from Iaehh.
    If this situation doesn't improve...
    ... then leaving may be something I have to consider.
    "No," Iaehh said, "of course not, stupid idea, it's a stupid idea...." He stroked her. "If I have to move, it'll be to somewhere with pets, of course it will. Sue would be furious if I ever let anything happen to you."
    He put her aside suddenly, got up. Rhiow, climbing up to stand on the arm of the chair where he had set her down, looked after Iaehh, not at all reassured.
    If he keeps hurting this way— then you may have to let him think