Read Online The Twitter History of the World by Kelvin MacKenzie - Free Book Online

BARTON ARRIVES ON TWITTER
    @Joey7Barton
People think I’m just a thug but I’m actually a philosopher. I want to use Twitter to show how deep I am.
2.11am, October 2, 2010
    @Joey7Barton
For instance, as Benjamin Franklin said: anyone who trades liberty for security deserves a slap in the face.
2.14am, October 2, 2010
    @Joey7Barton
Then there’s Nietzsche. He said God is dead. And so will you be if you look at me funny, by the way.
2.17am, October 2, 2010
    @Joey7Barton
It was Plato that said necessity is the mother of invention. Start on my Mum and I’ll put you in hospital.
4.44am, October 2, 2010
    @Joey7Barton
I was reading Freud earlier: ‘If youth knew; if age could.’ Me? I’ll take you all on.
1.11am, October 5, 2010
    @Joey7Barton
Lots of disagreement here. Well, even a clock that does not work is right twice a day. Fuck the lot of you.
2.14am, October 5, 2010
    Part philosopher, part footballer, part convict, Joey Barton is arguably Twitter’s finest figure.
KIM JONG-IL DIES
    @KimJongIl
On a train. Soooooo bored. I could die of boredom. Lol, hope this doesn’t turn out to be one of them #famouslasttweets!
3.12pm, December 17, 2011
    North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il died while sitting on a train near Pyongyang.

WORLD POPULATION REACHES SEVEN BILLION
    @UnitedNations
Tomorrow, the world’s population will reach seven billion. Can we get a RT?
7.52am, October 31, 2011
[Retweeted by @BabyNargis and 6999999999 others]
    The United Nations estimated that on October 31, 2011, the world’s population reached seven billion. A baby girl called Nargis, born in India that morning, was unofficially named as the seven billionth person.
THE 2012 BUDGET & U-TURNS
    @GeorgeOsborne
We’re imposing a VAT rise on Cornish pasties and caravans. And get this: there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Arf arf!
2.12pm, March 21, 2012
    @DavidCameron
Actually, change of plan. Ignore previous Tweet.
(cc @GeorgeOsborne)
9.12am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
Fine! But to everyone taking the piss about this, we are NOT a government prone to u-turns!
9.17am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
Well, apart from on buzzard nests, secret courts, the Euro veto, jobs law reform, sentencing, joint strike fighter, health reform…
9.20am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
…forest sell-offs, state retirement age for women, rape anonymity, milk cuts, bookstart funding,housing benefit cuts, circus animal bans
9.22am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
Knife crime sentencing, domestic violence protection orders, snap school inspections, child benefit, NHS targets, charity tax & petrol duty
9.23am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
APART from those, we are an entirely decisive government!
9.24am, June 1, 2012
    @DavidCameron
@GeorgeOsborne Actually, G, can we take another look at that plan to offer tax relief to the computer games industry?
9.25am, June 1, 2012
    @GeorgeOsborne
Ufffffffffffffffffff!
9.27am, June 1, 2012
    @DavidCameron
@GeorgeOsborne Chillax, dude.
9.28am, June 1, 2012
    The coalition government has proven less averse to u-turns than Margaret Thatcher was…

LADY GAGA RULES TWITTER
    @LadyGaga
Hi, it’s Monday today.
3.20pm, March 5, 2012
[Retweeted by @GagaAboutGaga and 20million others]
    @GagaAboutGaga
@LadyGaga OMG! OMG! OMG! That’s SO true – it IS Monday today. GENIUS!
3.21pm, March 5, 2012
    Lady Gaga reached 20 million followers in March 2012, confirming her status as the Queen of Twitter.

PHONE HACKING: PART TWO
    @RobertJay
Just got up. Time to trim and style the beard for breakfast.
8.12am, April 2, 2012
    @RobertJay
Breakfast was lush. Now, time to tackle the beard for the day.
8.44am, April 2, 2012
    @RobertJay
Done that. Memo to self: darling, you look sen-sational. Off to work now.
8.49am, April 2, 2012
    @RobertJay
Proceedings start shortly. Just time for a quick check of the beard.
9.55am, April 2, 2012
    @RobertJay
I think I made a real impact today and, furthermore, I think we all know why. Speaking of which, back in