Read Online The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag by Jennifer L. Hart - Free Book Online

of Rotini, which actually holds the cheese sauce better than elbows, and turned around and bumped into Penny. I dropped my armload in an effort to catch her, but she took a graceful step back, absorbing the impact. And avoiding the mess of breadcrumbs on the floor.
    “Sorry,” I muttered. “I thought you were going to sit down.”
    “I’ve been sitting for days on the drive up here. I wanna move around a bit.”
    “How ‘bout fetching a broom, then?” Shit, my accent was deepening the longer I talked with her. I’d made an effort to lose the southern since most native New Englanders would talk slowly around me after they’d picked up on the accent. At this rate, I’d be y’all-ing by bedtime.
    Penny smiled and asked me where I kept the broom. I pointed to the laundry alcove where my Laundry Hag Commandments plaque hung above the washing machine.
    Neil had outdone himself with the new sign. Before I started my business, Neil and the boys had called me the Laundry Goddess and lived in constant fear of my wrath should they try to pirate a load of wash. After one particularly memorable rant, where I’d dubbed myself the Laundry Hag, Neil had immediately gone to work on a new sign, this one hand-painted on a huge slab of slate. Penny handed me the broom, but returned to read the sign aloud.
    “1. Thou shall separate thy whites (i.e. socks, undergarments)
    from thy colored clothes.
     
Thou shall not mix thy sheets with thy towels.
Honor thy (my) lint screen and keep it free of crud.
Thy workout clothes must be washed with thy towels not my new white top.
Empty thy pockets of gum, Chapstick, baseball cards, wallets, keys, candy, Swiss army knives, and all other pocket flotsam or thou will evoke the wrath of the Laundry Hag.
Thou shall not mess with the water temperature settings without my permission.
Thou must remove clothes from the washing machine in a timely manner, i.e. before the plague of mildew sets in.
If thou are confused about liquid vs. powdered detergent, ASK!”
    “Cute, if a bit blasphemous.” Penny smiled at me, her hands propping up her lower back in classic pregnant woman repose.
    I swept the breadcrumbs into my dustpan. “I’m pretty sure God has a sense of humor. How else could you explain Yanni?”
    “Gotcha,” Penny grinned and I felt the first tentative string of friendship tether us together. Maybe this wouldn’t, Josh liked to say, totally bite.
    “When’s dinner?” Neil emerged from the garage and asked.
    I sighed and I dumped the remainder of the breadcrumbs into the trash. “Gonna be late. I need to run to the store and buy more breadcrumbs for meatloaf.”
    Neil groaned. “They’re predicting six to eight inches of snow tonight. The stores are going to be mobbed. You might get back here by breakfast.”
    “You got any bread? That’s what I use in my meatloaf recipe.”
    Neil’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, why don’t you try that Maggie? We never did have lunch and I’m starving.”
    But it won’t be the same as Grandma Irma’s, I wanted to whine. I held my tongue though, since Neil’s missing lunch was due to my need to investigate the dead bird and my brother’s appearance.
    “It’s good to try new things.” My face felt stiff as I said the words.
    “How ‘bout I cook and you take a break?” Penny said and my spine stiffened. There were three things in life that I was proprietary about to the point of hoarding. My husband, my romance novels and my kitchen. Leo was the only person I allowed to cook in my kitchen because he respected my system.
    “Sounds like a plan,” Neil said and smiled at Penny, who smiled back. I looked at my brother’s pregnant girlfriend and felt our string of friendship snap like worn out dental floss.

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    Chapter Six
    The ringing telephone jarred me awake the next morning. I rolled off the air mattress and my knees hit the living room carpet eight inches below. Neil groaned, the motion had jostled the bed, and then rolled over. It had