The Genius of Little Things

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Authors: Larry Buhl
Tags: Humor, YA), Young Adult, Jon Green
idea.
He emitted a breathy cough. I could feel the moist wind on my face. Great. He was going to give me a virus along with a lecture. He snatched a box of lozenges from the desk and tossed one into his mouth. “And you’ll walk back your comments on pot,” he said, while loudly clearing his throat. “Marijuana is a dangerous drug HACK-HOC-HOC so what you’re going to do is aaarUUGHAHH write an op-ed in the Clarion denying everything you said. Capiche ?”
I gave up trying to suppress my cough. Now we were both coughing. I didn’t bother covering my mouth, because he wasn’t covering his.
During a break in his hacking, he reminded me I was on thin ice, as if that weren’t already clear. “Twice in a month I’ve seen you in my HACK-HACK office. That doesn’t CARRUGH-KA-KA bode well, does it?”
I shook my head. Counting a short visit to drop off the election petition, I had been in his office three times. I didn’t correct him.
     
I had made an enemy of Principal Nicks. But Mr. Proudfoot was pleased with my predicament. Being banned from student government meant I could devote more time to the science fair. He loved my idea about investigating the cause of the massive bee die-offs. Even though the proposal wasn’t due until November 15 th —and that was only a suggested deadline because the fair wasn’t until February—he wanted me to start working on it right away.
“Forget about viruses,” he said. “If it’s bacteria killing the bees, then it’s bacteria that will save the bees.”
He wanted me to work on the project every lunch period, with him. I told him I did my best thinking alone.
“A lone wolf with a he- uuuuge ego. You’ll be right at home at Caltech.” I liked the term right at home . It was confirmation that I belonged somewhere.
     
     

 
 
SEVEN
     
Contrary to the figures I presented in my campaign speech, many studies show that marijuana has a profound effect on the still-developing adolescent brain, including memory loss and permanent impairment of motor skills and reasoning. As for frank discussions about sex and distribution of condoms and safer sex literature, I’m informed that such activities cannot be conducted under the auspices of the Student Government Association. Please discuss matters with the school nurse, your own doctor, or faith practitioner.
     
**
     
I submitted the op-ed to Principal Nicks for his approval. He made a few changes, mostly deleting references to his drug czar work in Washington. I thought we were done, but he still wanted to know what I had against open toilet stalls.
“I believe everyone deserves privacy.”
“Try spending time in the Navy if you think you deserve privacy. No stall doors, no stalls. Sleeping quarters? Bunks were side by side and head to head. You get used to it. Learn to like the smell of sweat and feet. And you take your crap where and when you can.”
I thanked him for the information, and asked whether he wanted me to include his Navy experiences in the op-ed.
“What do you think?”
“Yes?”
“No!”
     
Rachel, the Clarion ’s photographer, had something to say about the whole sordid matter. I mean about the op-ed I wrote, not the sordid matter of Principal Nicks’ Navy ship experiences. She thought I was wrong not to stand up to him, and she waited by my locker after seventh period just to tell me this. Her hair was even wilder than on the day of the assembly. She looked like the cartoons of someone who had been given an electric shock. She smelled good though, citrus-y. I didn’t notice her eyes at first, because she was standing very close, and I had a habit of not looking people in the eye, no matter how close they were. I realized that I was looking at her chest, and girls don’t like that. I forced myself to look into her eyes. They were green.
I told her that if I hadn’t written the op-ed, Principal Nicks would have made my life hell. He could kill my chance of being admitted to Caltech. She was

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