Read Online Spooky Little Girl by Laurie Notaro - Free Book Online

Bethanny. “What is the last thing you remember seeing?”
    “A shark?” Bethanny snipped, throwing up her hands.
    “And you?” Ruby asked, pointing to the guy in camouflage.
    “My son. He was coming up in front of me, through the brush. He was aiming at something behind me. I bet it was a five-pointer. I bet he bagged it!”
    “And Sir Ten Speed?” Ruby prodded. “What do you remember?”
    “Well, I remember I was heading for a sizeable hill with a steep grade on my recumbent bike, so I opened my Hammer Gel concentrated carb meal and was squeezing it into my mouth when I saw a Hummer come around the bend.”
    “And you in the tropical print?” Ruby asked.
    Tommy Bahama sighed impatiently. “I was on a plane, eating the snack mix,” he fired off sharply. “And I remember coughing. That’s it. That’s the last thing I remember. I don’t know what that has to do with this little game.”
    “Anyone see a common thread? Young man?” the old woman said to the shaggy-haired guy, whose face was obscured by his precisely cut mane as he stared relentlessly at the floor.
    He shrugged, his head still hanging down.
    “Young man, I’m talking to you,” the old woman repeated.
    “I dunno. I was wasted, old lady,” he said, relenting, still without looking up.
    Ruby sighed and rolled her eyes.
    “Miss, what do you recall?” she asked the velvet housewife.
    “I was on a ski lift, and it was so cold! Suddenly it felt like I had two ice blocks in my bra!” she admitted.
    “And you?” she continued, moving on and meeting Lucy’s eyes.
    Lucy looked back. And as she looked at the old woman, she slowly began to shake her head.
    “No,” she said quietly.
    “What do you remember?” the old woman asked again.
    “No way,” Lucy said forcefully. “I don’t—
No
. On Sunday, my fiancé dumped me by throwing all my stuff out on the street, on Monday I was fired for having a dirty drug test because a skanky guy my stupid friend was trying to hook up with roofied me on my vacation, the office manager where I used to work thinks I was trying to steal twenty thousand dollars, and
now
you’re trying to tell me that
that bus—”
    Lucy stopped and shook her head and crossed her arms in defiance. “No,” she said again pointedly. “No way. Absolutely not.”
    “Trying to tell you what?” Bethanny said in a panic. “Trying to tell you
what?”
    Lucy continued to shake her head.
    “I’m just going to break it to you as gently as the situation allows, dears,” Ruby said with a kind smile. “You’re dead. You’re all dead. Welcome to Sudden Death—or as I like to call it, Surprise Demise—room 1118.”

chapter five
Why Am I Wearing Underwear?
    “Now, I realize what I just said may seem like a terribly turbulent way to start our acquaintance,” Ruby informed the speechless and stunned group before her. “But after guiding countless sections of the freshly expired through their Transitions, I’ve found that being up-front, first and foremost, is not only the most effective method, but the most helpful. You’re dead. You’ve all died very unexpectedly, and my job is to assist you with your initial Transition. This is Intro to Sudden Death, a primer for this particular stage in the death process.”
    “Do you mean denial, bargaining, and acceptance?” the bicyclist wondered.
    “If I died, where are my already dead family members?” Tommy Bahama asked. “I thought they were all supposed to show up to welcome me!”
    “I want to speak to your manager!” the housewife cried in a panic. “I demand to see Jesus!
And his mother.”
    “I don’t understand where we are,” Bethanny said, still confusedby the fact that her vacation had ended so abruptly. “Am I not going on the Auna Nicole Farewell Tour?”
    “Listen,” Ruby interjected, trying to calm things. “We have a lot of ground to cover, so let’s clear up some confusion. You are in the Transition Center. That’s where you woke up this