Read Online Selby Surfs by Duncan Ball - Free Book Online

to go home now! I want to stay here and play footie with Billy!’
    ‘Me too!’ Billy screamed, kicking the football over the top of a small tree. ‘We can walk home later.’
    ‘All right, boys, but be good,’ Aunt Jetty said. ‘And remember you’ve got clean clothes in your sports bags. Change out of those grubby clothes so you’ll be respectable when you come home. That’ll be a nice surprise for mummy.’
    ‘Okay, Mummy,’ Willy and Billy said together.
    ‘Those monsters couldn’t be good if their lives depended on it,’ Selby thought. ‘I’m going to stay right here and keep an eye on them.’
    As soon as the adults were out of sight, Willy reached into his sports bag and got out a can of spray paint.
    ‘Hey, Billy!’ Willy said, dashing into the SAA. ‘Guess what you are?!’
    ‘That’s not fair!’ Billy yelled, running in after him.
    ‘I knew it!’ Selby thought as he snuck around behind the toilet. ‘Willy and Billy were the culprits all along! They’re the ones who have been destroying the loo.’
    Selby watched from the tiny window at the back of the SAA as Willy started writing on the wall.
    ‘Billy is a
— He’s a what?! I don’t even know what that word means!’ Selby thought.
    ‘Gimme that!’ Billy screamed, grabbing the can out of Willy’s hands and changing the
B
in Billy to a
W
to make it Willy.
    Suddenly there was a gurgle and liquid poured down the wall, washing away the words.
    ‘What the …?!’ Billy said. ‘It’s gone! That’s not fair.’
    ‘Fair enough for you,’ Selby thought.
    ‘Watch this!’ Willy said, getting a big nail out of his pocket and trying to a scratch a word on the wall. ‘Hey! I can’t scratch it! What’s going on?!’
    ‘I’ll tell you what’s going on,’ Selby thought. ‘Your little bird-brains are no match for Dr Trifle’s brain.’
    ‘Let’s go home and watch videos,’ Billy said. ‘This is no fun.’
    Selby watched as Willy and Billy took off their dirty footie clothes and boots. Then, just as they were going to get clean clothes out of their sports bags, Willy said, ‘I know! Let’s block up the pooper!’
    ‘Let’s do it!’ Billy squealed.
    With this he picked up Willy’s football clothes and threw them in the toilet.
    ‘No!’ Willy screamed.
    But it was too late. For a minute the water rose, then there was a sudden series of sucking and gushing noises, a big gulp and a huge
burp
and Willy’s clothes disappeared down the hole.
    ‘That was so much fun!’ Billy giggled.
    But before he could think, Willy had flushed Billy’s clothes down, too.
    ‘You stupy stinkbottom!’ Billy screamed as he threw Willy’s sports bag in the loo and flushed.
    Again there were gushings and suckings and gulpings and then, just before Willy’s sports bag disappeared, Willy threw Billy’s in too. With one loud
burp
they were gone.
    ‘Now look what you’ve done!’ Billy cried, punching his brother.
    ‘Me?!’ Willy wailed as he punched Billy back. ‘You started it!’
    Selby’s smile turned into a grin as Willy and Billy punched it out in the SAA.
    ‘I don’t think I’ve had so much fun in years,’ Selby thought. ‘If I could get this on video I’d watch it every time I wanted a good laugh.’
    Finally, the fight finished with both boys in tears.
    ‘I’ll fix that stupy stinkypoo dunny!’ Willy cried as he threw their one last possession — the football — into the toilet. ‘This will break it!’
    ‘Don’t count on it,’ Selby thought.
    For a few moments there were suckings and gushings and gurglings as the water rose and fell. The football stuck fast in the bottom.
    ‘It’s too big to flush,’ Selby thought. ‘So now the Loo-Brain’s going to fling it.’
    Selby watched the needle go up and up towards the red zone, setting off the vandal alarm.
    ‘What’s that noise?!’ Willy screamed, clapping his hands over his ears.
    ‘I don’t know!’ Billy screamed back.
    ‘Oh, no!’ Selby thought. ‘The