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know that I want to join, like, every abroad program they have. See the world.”
    â€œThat sounds awesome,” Jesse said. “I want to do that. I want to see the world.”
    â€œI just don’t know if my parents will go for it,” I said.
    â€œIf you want to do something, you have to do it.”
    â€œWhat? That doesn’t even make sense.”
    â€œOf course it does. If you want something as passionately as you clearly want this, that means you owe it to yourself to make it happen. That’s what I’m doing. I want out so I’m getting out. I’m going far, far away. You should, too,” he said.
    â€œI don’t think my parents would like that,” I said.
    â€œYour parents don’t have to be you. You have to be you. My philosophy is that, you know, you did it their way for a long time. Soon, it’s time for your way.”
    It was plain to see that Jesse wasn’t really talking about my parents and me. But everything that he said resonated. It reverberated in my mind, growing louder instead of softer.
    â€œI think you’re right,” I said.
    â€œI know I’m right,” he said, smiling.
    â€œNo, really. I’m going to apply to the University of Los Angeles.”
    â€œGood for you,” he said.
    â€œAnd you should, too,” I told him. “Stop swimming if you hate it. Do something else. Something you love.”
    Jesse smiled. “You know, you’re nothing like I imagined you’d be.”
    â€œWhat do you mean?” I asked him. It was hard for me to believe that Jesse had thought about me before, that he even knew I existed before tonight.
    â€œI don’t know; you’re just . . . different.”
    â€œIn a good way or a bad way?”
    â€œOh, definitely a good way,” he said, nodding. “For sure.”
    â€œWhat did you think I was like before?” I asked, now desperate to know. How did I seem before that was bad? I needed to make sure I didn’t seem like it again.
    â€œIt doesn’t matter,” he said.
    â€œC’mon,” I said. “Just say whatever it is.”
    â€œI don’t want to, like, embarrass you or something,” Jesse said.
    â€œWhat? What are you talking about?”
    Jesse looked at me. And then decided to just say it. “I don’t know. I got the impression that maybe you might have had a crush on me.”
    I could feel myself move away from him. “What? No, I didn’t.”
    He shrugged as if this was no skin off his back. “Okay, see? I was wrong.”
    â€œWhat made you think that?”
    â€œCarolyn, my ex-girlfriend . . .” he said, starting to explain.
    â€œI know who Carolyn is,” I said.
    â€œWell, she thought that you might.”
    â€œWhy would she think that?”
    â€œI don’t know. Because she was always jealous when girls looked at me. And you must have looked at me once. And it made her think that.”
    â€œBut, I mean, you believed her.”
    â€œWell, I mean, I hoped she was right.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œWhat do you mean, ‘why’?”
    â€œWhy did you hope that she was right? Did you want me to have a crush on you?”
    â€œOf course I did. Doesn’t everyone want people to have crushes on them?”
    â€œDid you want me in particular to have a crush on you?”
    â€œSure,” Jesse said as if it were obvious.
    â€œBut why?”
    â€œWell, it doesn’t matter why, does it? Because you didn’t. So it’s irrelevant.”
    A conversational roadblock.
    It was one I could only get past if I admitted the truth. I weighed the pros and cons, trying to decide if it was worth it.
    â€œFine—I had a crush on you once. Freshman year.”
    Jesse turned and smiled at me. “Oh yeah?”
    â€œYeah, but it’s over.”
    â€œWhy is it over?”
    â€œI don’t know; you were with Carolyn. I barely