Read Online Now That Hes Gone by Beverly Tobocman - Free Book Online

too much housework and no one appreciated her. Had you known her then, you would have thought life had given her a very raw deal indeed.
    Now 87, she has been a widow for just three years. She lives in a house that is way too big for her needs. She constantly complains the house is too difficult to keep clean, but she won't sell it and move. She doesn't actually “live” her current life, her real life. In fact, she claims her real life ended years ago, when her children left and her husband died. To hear her tell it now, her previous life, when the family all lived at home, was the only happy time for her. She is one of those people who complained about the present, always wanting it to be different so she could be happy in the future. When the future did come, she kept on complaining, saying that she had been happy in the past and could not be happy now.
    Then there's Stella. She has led a full and successful life, balancing her work, the demands of her family and her never-ending desire for personal growth. She too is a widow, and she too has known hardship—more, in fact, than Anne ever did. Yet her looks, her voice and her vitality would make you deny that she could be 85 years old.
    One of the keys to Stella's vitality is that she is part of a group of unusually dynamic women, all about her age. Though these women are in their 80's and 90's, they are extremely active and keep to a social and travel schedule that would gobble up the energy of many people much younger than they. All of them have computers and do online dating. They take tours of the European Continent. They go to theater and opera in New York. They organize shopping trips. They have regular get-togethers in their home city, attending lectures and concerts, then sitting around for hours afterward, talking about the ideas or the music they just experienced.
    Stella herself is unusually open to learning. She reads the classics as well as what's currently causing the buzz on the bestseller list, not to mention her stacks of newspapers and magazines.
    “But I learn the most from people,” she says. Especially new people, who come into her life constantly. Stella seems to be always making new friends and introducing them to her old friends, thus endlessly widening her social circle.
    Unlike Anne, Stella sees herself, not as a victim but as a victor in life. She rarely dwells upon the past, except when she recalls a particularly hilarious or embarrassing event that took place somewhere in her long history. The painful parts of her past she dismisses as just so many lessons she had to learn the hard way. And she actually does celebrate her life, rejoicing in what has happened and what is happening to make life the joy it is for her. When I'm around her, I feel invigorated, excited, happier. Her energy is contagious. I, like so many other people, want to be around her. She feels like a winner—a victor, rather than a victim.
The Honeymoon from Hell
    Deborah and Jeff were young, healthy, happy and in love. They had just gotten married and were on their much-anticipated honeymoon in one of the most beautiful spots in the South Pacific. Everything in Deb's life was going according to plan. That is, Plan A, which had been written in her mind and heart many years before.
    Both Deborah and Jeff were born on the part of the East Coast reminiscent of the Kennedy family compound. His was a large Catholic clan and hers a smaller family of professional parents. They met in nursery school and by the time college rolled around they were committed to one another for life. Both sets of parents were delighted when the couple announced their plans to marry and have a family—so much so that they pooled their resources and paid for both the wedding and the honeymoon.
    As the romantic week unfolded and the feelings of love and adulation accelerated, Deb and Jeff decided to spend their final afternoon at poolside where they had a private patio and cabana. Jeff was an