Read Online Bubblegum Smoothie by Ryan Casey - Free Book Online

rest of it hitting the floor. He stood and stared at it. Sighed as pastry rolled down his chin. “What a waste,” he said. “What a bloody waste.”
    He reached into his suit pocket. Pulled out a silver disk and stepped over to the Bush CD player. I wasn’t sure what pissed me off more—the fact that he was hovering a DVD over a CD player, or that the CD player was a Bush.
    Martha cleared her throat. Glared at me with that “Introduce me then!” look that only a woman could give.
    “Lenny, this is, er… my friend and colleague, Martha.”
    He rattled away at the CD player. Hit the play button, cursed. “Why won’t this damned thing—”
    “You’re putting a DVD in a CD player,” Martha chipped in.
    “DVD in a CD player. Right.” He took the disk straight out, like he’d known what he was doing all along, then investigated a pile of dusty old gadgets piled in the corner. “Portable DVD player should be somewhere around… here!”
    He yanked out a Medion—oh God, Medion—portable DVD player, and plonked it on the table in the centre of the room.
    “What even is this place?” I asked. I looked at the stack of gadgets. Old phones. Coats. A weird mismatch of items.
    “Lost property,” Lenny said, clicking “Play” on the DVD player as it booted to life.
    “Lost property,” Martha said, Lenny still ignoring her. “More like found property for you officers.”
    “Who are you again?” Lenny asked, his cheeks blushing as he struggled to look at her.
    Martha scoffed. “Wow. You told me he was a charmer, didn’t you Blake?”
    Lenny looked at me with hope. ”He said that? He did? He… Oh. Mr and Mrs Sarcasm. Or… Well, Mr and Mr/Mrs Sarcasm, to use the politically correct term.”
    I shook my head. “‘Politically correct.’ Brilliant.”
    The sound of moaning women filled the room from the tinny speakers of the portable DVD player.
    “Oh, shit,” Lenny said. He tapped at the pause button but nothing happened. In fact, the moaning only got louder. “Shit shit shit.”
    “ I want you to cum all over my titties !”
    Martha and I tried our best not to smirk too hard. Lenny looked genuinely pissed off.
    “Quite a surveillance tape you’ve got there,” Martha said.
    “Knock that one up yourself with Ancient Jill and her four teeth?” I put in.
    “Just—just shut up,” Lenny said. He tapped at the pause button. Kept on tapping, the volume getting louder.
    “Sounds like some real surveillance is going on there.”
    “Cavity surveillance,” Martha added.
    “ Give me that big cock. Give it to me. ”
    “Obviously not Lenny on that tape then,” I said.
    Lenny bashed his fingers against the player, his face getting redder and redder. “The wrong damn DVD. The wrong… damn…”
    And then he stood up, picked up the portable DVD player and tossed it to the ground.
    Martha stepped back. “He isn’t actually gonna—”
    But he already did.
    Lenny’s foot cracked into the portable DVD player, cracked into it as the tinny speakers fizzled out, smashed it up, grunting every time his black shoe broke through the plastic.
    Eventually, there was silence. Silence, and a shitload of broken plastic and metal.
    Lenny stepped away. Brought a hand through his sweaty hair and adjusted his tie. “I er… I’ll go get another player and… and the right tape.”
    “Probably a good idea.”
    He scooted across the room and opened the door.
    “Try not to shag Ancient Jill on your way—”
    “Thin ice, Blake! Thin ice!”
    Martha and I waited around for what felt like forever for Lenny to return. I spent most of my time rolling my eyes at the shitty dated technology stacked up in here.
    “If you’re gonna tag tech from a con, why the hell would you tag an Alba sound system?”
    “Honey,” Martha said. “Not everyone’s as geeky as you.”
    “They should be.”
    “No. They really shouldn’t.”
    Lenny did come back, eventually. He had a slightly less dated black laptop in his hand, as well as