Read Online Boy Minus Girl by Richard Uhlig - Free Book Online

be.”
    “Can you do that trick where you cut someone in half?”
    “Actually, I prefer quarters and thirds.”
    Somewhere a dog barks.
    “Do you have a magician’s assistant?” she asks, and I shake my head.
    “Well, you do now,” she says, smiling big. “I seriously want you to cut me in half at the talent show.”
    “You really want to be my . . . assistant?”
    She nods.
This is good. I see many hours of rehearsal together. I see her in fishnet tights. This is very good.
    We turn onto Arnold Street, and for the next ten minutes or so Charity tells me all about that Lauren girl, something about how talented she is as a sculptor.
    “Lauren got me interested in art,” she says. “We’d spend hours together at the museums in St. Louis.”
    I nod and try to figure out if, how, and when I should kiss her. Is a French kiss appropriate on a first date? I remember Uncle Ray saying this is a fact-finding mission, but my rapport with Charity is so great I sense I should take this to the next level tonight.
    Now we are standing in front of her house. The streetlight reflects in her blue eyes as she talks on about that Lauren.
    “Why don’t you come in for a little while?” she says. “Meet Grandma and Dad?”
    “Thanks, but I was thinking, y’know, it’s so nice out maybe we should go down to Harker Park for a little while.” I stare into her eyes, allowing the silence to stretch. “It’s quiet there. We can be alone.”
    She stares at me a long moment, standing very still. “Les . . .”
    “Yes?”
    My heart pounds—I feel a big confession coming on. She opens her mouth a crack, takes in a deep breath, then hesitates.
    “What, Charity?” My voice is a pleading whisper.
    “Les . . .” She lowers her eyes and exhales.
    “What, what is it?”
    “I need to tell you something—”
    Suddenly the front-porch lights burst on.
    “Charity?”
    “Yes, Grandma!”
    “Who’s that with you?”
    “Les Eckhardt.”
    “Oh, hello there, Lester!”
    “Hi, Mrs. Conners!”
    “Why don’t you two come in for some chocolate cake and milk?” her grandmother says, and opens the screen door.
    “Can’t we go somewhere and talk?” I whisper to Charity.
    “Um, not tonight,” Charity replies. “Come on in and let’s just have some cake.”
    So close!

Seduction Tip Number 6:
    Eyes Spy

    The Seductive Man knows that the eyes are the first instrument in loving a woman. Go to a mirror. Study your eyes carefully. Are they bloodshot? Are your eyebrows unruly? If so, apply some strategic grooming. Now, trying not to blink too much, move your head back and forth in front of the mirror while maintaining eye contact with yourself. Every twenty seconds or so, try lifting an eyebrow in a suggestive way. Practice this for six minutes every day.

    “Mo-lester, be patient,” Uncle Ray advises, strumming his guitar as he sits on the edge of his bed. “Most women hate to be rushed. In the meantime try getting some experience with an easy lay.”
    “Huh?”
    He plays a little more, then says, “I never put all my eggs in one basket. So, while this is developing with Charity, go have some fun with a slut.”
    “You don’t understand, Uncle Ray, I am seriously in love with this girl. I want her to become my girlfriend.”
    “Son, you’re fourteen years old! Don’t ever confuse love with a need for pussy.”
    “That’s disgusting!”
    “Not necessarily. Besides, a little experience will do you a world of good. You don’t want to be completely green when it comes time to fool around with this Charity, do you?”
    He has a point. Why should I fumble through lovemaking—as I’m pretty sure I would—with the girl I love? Still, it doesn’t feel right chasing after Regina Fallers, our school’s most obvious slut.
    I decide to change the topic: “When’re you going to teach me to drive your car, anyway? Being able to drive will help me with girls, too, right?”
    In a near whisper he says, “What do you say—once