Read Online Glue by Irvine Welsh - Free Book Online

grunts somethin, it’s like eh’s clearin ehs throat. — Aye, eh sais eftir a bit, — families. That’s whaire aw the problems come fae. Bit what kin ye dae, eh? You tell me, eh goes, spreadin ehs hands oot, the rolled fag stuck in one mitt.
    Thir’s nowt ye kin say tae that. So ah jist nods n goes, — Ah’m jist makin yir niece n her friend a wee cup ay tea. Ye want yin?
    — Fuck the tea, eh lights the fag and points at the stack ay cans oan the table. — Huv a beer. Goan. Help yirsell.
    — Ah will later oan, Alec, a wee beer n a blether likes, but ah dinnae want tae be rude tae ma company up the stairs, ah explains tae him.
    Alec shrugs n looks away as if tae say, aw the mair for me. Thir’s somethin aboot this auld fucker, ah like the cunt, n ah will huv a bit ay a chinwag wi him later. Aye, keep um sweet soas ah kin keep oan gittin up Maggie n Gail roond here. N they aw say up the Busy that eh does a loat ay duckin n divin aroond. Useful cunts tae ken, they sort ay fellays: contacts n that.
    Ah gits through intae the kitchen, nearly fawin n breakin ma neck oan a bit ay loose lino. Ah starts tae bile the kettle. It’s no a plug-in yin, so ye huv tae dae it oan the gas. Eftir a bit ah head back upstairs wi a pot ay tea, where these dirty wee cows are waitin for ays. Maggie’s sittin wi a cassette case, writin the tracks ontae the caird fae this album she’s been tapin. She’s makin a meal ay it; it’s an excuse no tae talk tae Gail.
    — Tea up, ah goes. Then, as Maggie looks up at ays, ah sais: — Dinnae ken whit yir worried aboot Maggie, that Alec boy’s sound.
    — Aye, but you dinnae ken um like ah do, she warns ays again.
    Gail’s still harpin oan aboot her knickers. — This is daein ma heid in, she sais.
    She’ll no be needin thum if she’s gaunny be hingin aboot wi me, that’s fuckin well guaranteed.
Sally and Sid James
    Ah wake up in the bed, sweatin like fuck, n ah realise ah’m oan ma ain. Ah looks n sees the two ay thaim, lyin sleepin oan the flair. It aw comes back tae ays; in the night ah managed tae git in the middle ay thum, thinkin aboot threes up, like in the films. Ah tried tae gie thum a wee frig, the pair ay thum at the same time, but they both goat a bit funny. Neither ay thum would lit ays up thum eftir that, too shy in front ay the other yin. So ah’ll jist need tae keep daein them separately for a while, then thi’ll be intae a threes up. Guaranteed.
    Aye, ah tried it oan aw night, but they widnae huv it, so eftir tryin tae kick ays oot ay bed, n thir wis nae fuckin chance ay that, they baith gave up n went oantae the flair tae kip. So ah jist hud a good fuckin wank tae masel n drifted oaf tae sleep. It wis a wee bit ay a frustratin night but a good kip suited ays cause it’s the fitba the day n the dancin the night. Spice ay life.
    It wisnae easy tae git oot ay bed in the mornin but, the root ah’ve goat oan, wi they two jist lyin thaire dozin oan the flair. Ah hus another wee wank ower thum, catchin maist ay it oan the carpet, though a bit went on the airm ay Gail’s blouse. Then ah creeps doonstairs n sees Alec, still in the same armchair, watchin that
Tiswas
.
    Her wi the barry tits is oan it. — That Sally James, a fuckin ride, eh? ah goes.
    — Sally James, Alec slurs.
    It could be fuckin well Sid James for aw that auld cunt kens.
    The whisky boatil’s empty now, n ah think maist ay the cans are n aw. — Ye want some tea? eh asks.
    — Well Alec, ah wis wonderin if that wee offer ay a drink wis still oan?
    — Huv tae be the pub, eh goes, pointin tae the pile ay empties oan the coffee table.
    — Sound by me, ah tell um.
    So we head doon the road taewards the Wheatsheaf. It’s a bramer day n ah’m lookin forward tae the fitba. Thir’s been a loat ay talk aboot gittin a wee mob thegither fae the scheme the day, wi Doyle n aw that bunch. Maist ay the boys in oor scheme support Herts, it bein this end ay toon, but thir’s a good few Hibees sprinkled aroond. If