Read Online Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures by Vincent Lam - Free Book Online

and come to Toronto. We should cool down, she said, see what happens in the next year.
    â€œSlow down, cool down, it’s all you say now.”
    â€œI’m going to answer the phone once every two days. I got call display.”
    A week later, Ming said that Chen had tried to kiss her again, and she hadn’t stopped him. Did Fitzgeraldwant to break up because of her lack of faithfulness, she asked. She would understand. She explained all of this in one very long expectant breath, with no pause. Fitzgerald said that he wanted to come see her.
    â€œOur first plan was the right one, to just be study friends. I wish we hadn’t got so off track,” said Ming.
    â€œI need to see you. You owe it to me.” He felt an urgent need to bed her harshly and memorably if it should be the last time.
    â€œIf you’re going to be angry, it’s better for us to make a break.”
    Fitzgerald said that he needed her to get through everything—the exams, the interviews. Ming warned him not to twist things into being her responsibility.
    â€œDon’t make me into your mother,” said Ming. A long, mutual silence. Then, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m not sure why I said that.”
    â€œIs that what you think this is about?” asked Fitzgerald. He had once told Ming that the loneliness he felt after his mother died was like living in a house frame that would never be clad with walls or a roof.
    â€œLook, that was wrong of me. Pretend I never said it.”
    â€œThat hurts, you know? And then it hurts more that you want to pretend you never said it.”
    â€œYou’re not going to lay a guilt trip on me,” said Ming, suddenly hard again. “I don’t do guilt.”
    â€œNo, you don’t, do you?”
    â€œLet’s stop.”
    â€œWe’re not done talking,” said Fitzgerald.
    â€œWe are done. What else do you have to say?”
    â€œLots.”
    â€œDo you have anything good, anything positive to say, or are we just going to hate each other more? I’m sorry I mentioned your mother, which was wrong. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. That’s all I can say on that subject.”
    â€œWell, you meant more, but now you won’t own up to it.”
    â€œLet’s stop, let’s not hate each other.”
    â€œHate? I thought we loved each other. I don’t know why you’re bringing hate into it. As for my mother—”
    â€œGood night.”
    â€œNo, don’t you, Ming—”
    â€œGood night, Fitzgerald.”
    When he called back, the phone rang until it went to her answering machine. Five minutes later, he dialed and the phone rang until her machine picked up. An hour later, her machine answered still.
    Ming answered his calls every second night. She told Fitzgerald that she still thought he was a beautiful person, as if this was a dreary but proven scientific principle and therefore she could not deny it despite its uncomfortable implications. She maintained that he was the only person she could trust telling “everything” to, which meant the intimate aspects of her tutoring by Karl. Fitzgerald wanted to ask whether he, too, would become an uncomfortable secret, but fearedthat the asking would make it come true. At the end of each call one of them would be crying, and the other angry. In December, Ming said that although it was a “fact” that she loved Fitzgerald “as a person,” they should no longer speak.
    â€œYou need me more than I can deal with, and more than you can handle, frankly.”
    â€œBut if you weren’t trying to run away, I wouldn’t need you so bad.”
    â€œIt’s not my fault. I won’t allow that.”
    â€œWhat about next year, when I come to Toronto?”
    â€œIf you come to Toronto, next year is next year. I suppose anything is possible.”
    In the following weeks, Fitzgerald left monologues on