A Fallow Heart

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Authors: Linda Kage
extra toilet paper rolls,” she suggested, though her concentration was already back on the letter. Being called princess didn’t even faze her.
    Emma Leigh had given her the nickname years ago when Jo Ellen told their grandpa she wanted to be a princess when she grew up. At first, Em had been degrading when she’d said it, but these days, it was closer to a term of affection in her book. Still, the label usually made Jo Ellen seethe.
    Today, she was too busy wondering what she should write to care.
    Dear Cooper, Did we have sex?
    There, that sounded simple enough, straight forward, to the point, and way too brave for her to even think about writing on a piece of paper. She set her ink to the page, certain something would come if she simply started, but she doodled out a happy face instead of a salutation. Then she gave the face a body, arms, legs. Groaning, she ripped her picture from the pad and crumpled it as well.
    It had been nearly three weeks since that night and it still bothered her every hour of every day. Even the beginning of school hadn’t deterred her thoughts from her horrid actions with a guy who was most certainly not her boyfriend. What was worse, she couldn’t produce the nerve to tell Travis about it, which bothered her even more. She loathed being so weak and cowardly, too scared to own up to her mistakes.
    “You’re getting a little low,” Emma Leigh announced, once again breaking into Jo Ellen’s thoughts as she emerged from the bathroom with a bundle of maxi pads in hand. “But don’t worry, I left you enough to last through the week.”
    “Thanks.” Jo Ellen stared at another clean sheet of paper. Suddenly, she frowned and lifted her face. “Wait a second.” Her words stopped her twin in the doorway. As Em turned back to cock her a questioning glance, Jo Ellen squinted. “Why do you need my pads?”
    Em rolled her eyes. “Well…I’m doing this art project for a class, see, and I thought they’d make an amazing focal piece.” When Jo Ellen opened her mouth, Emma snorted. “What do you think I need them for? Hello. I’m having my period.”
    “But…” Jo Ellen blinked, confused. “How can you be having your period? I haven’t started yet, and I always start a day before you.”
    Em drew in a long breath and leaned against the doorway as if impatient about Jo Ellen detaining her for such a lame conversation. “Maybe I’m early.” She gave a careless shrug.
    Jo Ellen shook her head adamantly. “No. You’re never early. I’m—” The next word stuck in her throat. Realizing what this could mean, she gasped.
    Emma Leigh caught on a second later. Her eyes sprang open wide, and she pushed away from the doorframe. “Ohmigod, you’re late ?”
    “No,” Jo Ellen spit out the denial, but her body felt so cold. She could only imagine how her expression must appear, but a white-faced Emma Leigh charged back into her room and plopped onto the corner of her bed, looking as scared and pale as Jo Ellen felt.
    “Are you saying you might be—”?
    “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
    “But—”
    “It’s just stress,” Jo Ellen assured both her twin and herself. “I’m only late because of all the stress.”
    “What do you have to be stressed about?” Em cried.
    Oh, maybe the fact she’d cheated on her boyfriend and she wasn’t even sure exactly how far she’d gone with his archrival, or maybe because she was disappointed with herself on every level possible.
    “It’s our senior year,” she evaded, thinking quick. “We need to make a decision about college and applying to different universities, not to mention ACT tests and SATs and—”
    “Oh, my God.” Emma Leigh groaned. “You are such a worrywart.” She swiped a hand across her forehead. “Thanks a lot for scaring the shit out of me. I thought you were pregnant or something.” When Jo Ellen just stared at her, petrified by that word, Emma froze. “You’re not pregnant. Are you?”
    Slowing

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