Read Online The Pearly Queen by Mary Jane Staples - Free Book Online

there was anything very exciting about that. It was just housework, and hardly any kind of challenge. But there she was, looking as if she was on top of the world. And she knew how to shop in a market, how to spot a stallholder trying to slip a bruised apple in with good ones.
    â€˜Oh, no you don’t, me lad.’
    â€˜What’s that, missus?’
    â€˜I’ll give you what’s that if you give me a rotten apple.’
    â€˜Eh? Well, blow me, ’ow did that one get in?’
    â€˜You slipped it in. I wasn’t born yesterday, I’ll ’ave you know.’
    â€˜Wish you ’ad been, I’d take you ’ome to me missus. Now, ’ow about a nice bunch of grapes, seein’ it’s ’oliday weekend?’
    â€˜Yes, I’ll have a bunch of grapes. No, not that one, that one.’
    â€˜Grapes, Aunt Edie?’ queried Jimmy.
    â€˜My treat,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜You always were a sport,’ said Jimmy.
    â€˜Now some of them cookin’ apples,’ said Aunt Edie to the stallholder, ‘five big ones.’
    â€˜Best in the market, they are, missus.’
    â€˜They’d better be,’ said Aunt Edie, ‘or you’ll cop it when I next come round. I want some bananas too. Young bananas, not ones dyin’ of old age.’
    She was like that with most of her market shopping. In the butcher’s shop, she had the butcher swearing his legs of mutton were so fresh they were still nearly walking about.
    â€˜Don’t make me laugh,’ said Aunt Edie. ‘Still nearly walkin’ about?’
    â€˜That’s right, missus, they only just stopped.’
    â€˜Did you ’ear that, Jimmy?’ she asked.
    â€˜Yes,’ said Jimmy, ‘now ask him if that sheep’s head over there is still nearly talkin’.’
    â€˜Funny you should mention that,’ said the butcher, ‘it spoke its last words only five minutes ago.’
    â€˜All right,’ said Aunt Edie, eyeing a generous leg of mutton, ‘what did it say?’
    â€˜â€™Ello, sailor, ’ow’s yer grandma?’
    â€˜Just as well it fell dead, then, if it can’t talk sense,’ said Aunt Edie. ‘Kindly weigh that leg for me.’
    â€˜Prime meat, that is, missus.’
    â€˜I’ll bring it back if it isn’t,’ said Aunt Edie.
    Jimmy thought her a real eye-opener. She made shopkeepers and stallholders sit up and perk up. She left them with grins all over their faces.
    â€˜I like you, Aunt Edie,’ he said when they had finished the shopping.
    â€˜Didn’t you like me before, then?’
    â€˜Like you more today.’
    â€˜That’s not a joke?’ said Aunt Edie. Jimmy always looked as grave as an owl when he was joking, and he was grave now.
    â€˜Well, life bein’ serious most of the time,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure I can make jokes.’
    Aunt Edie laughed. ‘That’s a joke itself,’ she said. ‘Well, now we’ve got everything, you can carry it ’ome with you while I – no, wait a bit, you can come to Camberwell on the tram with me. You’re a young man now, and it’s time you gave me the pleasure of escortin’ me. Here, hold the shoppin’ bag for me first of all.’
    Amid the market crowds Jimmy said, ‘D’you mind if I point out that carryin’ a shoppin’ bag can ruin a bloke’s standin’, Aunt Edie?’
    â€˜Well, dearie me, what a shame,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜All right, give it here,’ said Jimmy. ‘I’ll risk me standin’.’
    Aunt Edie laughed. She handed the laden bag to him, and they made their way through the market to the Walworth Road tram stop. She was happy about her purchases, some of which were the kind of bargains one could always get in the market, even on a crowded Saturday morning. Dad had insisted on giving her housekeeping money for the weekend.
    Near the tram