Read Online The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Oscar Wilde
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all. They like to find us quite irretrievably bad, and to leave us quite unattractively good.
L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Rising from R. table, where he has been writing letters.)
They always do find us bad!
D UMBY . I don’t think we are bad. I think we are all good, except Tuppy.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
(Sits down at C. table.)
D UMBY . We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars? Upon my word, you are very romantic to-night, Darlington.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Too romantic! You must be in love. Who is the girl?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . The woman I love is not free, or thinks she isn’t.
(Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks.)
C ECIL G RAHAM . A married woman, then! Well, there’s nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Oh! she doesn’t love me. She is a good woman. She is the only good woman I have ever met in my life.
C ECIL G RAHAM . The only good woman you have ever met in your life?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Yes!
C ECIL G RAHAM .
(Lighting a cigarette.)
Well, you are a lucky fellow! Why, I have met hundreds of good women. I never seem to meet any but good women. The world is perfectly packed with good women. To know them is a middle-class education.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . This woman has purity and innocence. She has everything we men have lost.
C ECIL G RAHAM . My dear fellow, what on earth should we men do going about with purity and innocence? A carefully thought-out buttonhole is much more effective.
D UMBY . She doesn’t really love you then?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . No, she does not!
D UMBY . I congratulate you, my dear fellow. In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. The last is much the worst, the last is a real tragedy! But I’m interested to hear she does not love you. How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?
C ECIL G RAHAM . A woman who didn’t love me? Oh, all my life!
D UMBY . So could I. But it’s so difficult to meet one.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . How can you be so conceited, Dumby?
D UMBY . I didn’t say it as a matter of conceit. I said it as a matter of regret. I have been wildly, madly adored. I am sorry I have. It has been an immense nuisance. I should like to be allowed a little time to myself now and then.
L ORD A UGUSTUS .
(Looking round.)
Time to educate yourself, I suppose.
D UMBY . No, time to forget all I have learned. That is much more important, dear Tuppy.
(Lord Augustus moves uneasily in his chair.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . What cynics you fellows are!
C ECIL G RAHAM . What is a cynic?
(Sitting on the back of the sofa.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
C ECIL G RAHAM . And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything, and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.
C ECIL G RAHAM . I am.
(Moves up to front of fireplace.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . You are far too young!
C ECIL G RAHAM . That is a great error. Experience is a question ofinstinct about life. I have got it. Tuppy hasn’t. Experience is the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes. That is all.
(Lord Augustus looks round indignantly.)
D UMBY . Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.
C ECIL G RAHAM .
(Standing with his back to the fireplace.)
One shouldn’t commit any.
(Sees Lady Windermere’s fan on sofa.)
D UMBY . Life would be very dull without them.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Of course you are quite faithful to this woman you are in love with, Darlington, to this good woman?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all other women in the world become absolutely meaningless to one. Love changes one—
I
am changed.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Dear
L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Rising from R. table, where he has been writing letters.)
They always do find us bad!
D UMBY . I don’t think we are bad. I think we are all good, except Tuppy.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
(Sits down at C. table.)
D UMBY . We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars? Upon my word, you are very romantic to-night, Darlington.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Too romantic! You must be in love. Who is the girl?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . The woman I love is not free, or thinks she isn’t.
(Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks.)
C ECIL G RAHAM . A married woman, then! Well, there’s nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Oh! she doesn’t love me. She is a good woman. She is the only good woman I have ever met in my life.
C ECIL G RAHAM . The only good woman you have ever met in your life?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Yes!
C ECIL G RAHAM .
(Lighting a cigarette.)
Well, you are a lucky fellow! Why, I have met hundreds of good women. I never seem to meet any but good women. The world is perfectly packed with good women. To know them is a middle-class education.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . This woman has purity and innocence. She has everything we men have lost.
C ECIL G RAHAM . My dear fellow, what on earth should we men do going about with purity and innocence? A carefully thought-out buttonhole is much more effective.
D UMBY . She doesn’t really love you then?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . No, she does not!
D UMBY . I congratulate you, my dear fellow. In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. The last is much the worst, the last is a real tragedy! But I’m interested to hear she does not love you. How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?
C ECIL G RAHAM . A woman who didn’t love me? Oh, all my life!
D UMBY . So could I. But it’s so difficult to meet one.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . How can you be so conceited, Dumby?
D UMBY . I didn’t say it as a matter of conceit. I said it as a matter of regret. I have been wildly, madly adored. I am sorry I have. It has been an immense nuisance. I should like to be allowed a little time to myself now and then.
L ORD A UGUSTUS .
(Looking round.)
Time to educate yourself, I suppose.
D UMBY . No, time to forget all I have learned. That is much more important, dear Tuppy.
(Lord Augustus moves uneasily in his chair.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . What cynics you fellows are!
C ECIL G RAHAM . What is a cynic?
(Sitting on the back of the sofa.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
C ECIL G RAHAM . And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything, and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.
L ORD D ARLINGTON . You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.
C ECIL G RAHAM . I am.
(Moves up to front of fireplace.)
L ORD D ARLINGTON . You are far too young!
C ECIL G RAHAM . That is a great error. Experience is a question ofinstinct about life. I have got it. Tuppy hasn’t. Experience is the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes. That is all.
(Lord Augustus looks round indignantly.)
D UMBY . Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.
C ECIL G RAHAM .
(Standing with his back to the fireplace.)
One shouldn’t commit any.
(Sees Lady Windermere’s fan on sofa.)
D UMBY . Life would be very dull without them.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Of course you are quite faithful to this woman you are in love with, Darlington, to this good woman?
L ORD D ARLINGTON . Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all other women in the world become absolutely meaningless to one. Love changes one—
I
am changed.
C ECIL G RAHAM . Dear
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