Read Online The Cake is a Lie by mcdavis3 - Free Book Online

kelly’s im
she’s sold me some pot before.”
    It wasn’t long after Brandon
and I became friends that I’d caught a break in my other grand
plan. I’d discovered my first pot lead, Jae Yang. Jae was a short
stocky, asian kid with the ego of a giant. When I talked to him it
only took two seconds to figure out all he wanted to do was talk
about himself. I wasn’t a huge fan, you gotta be more tactful than
that. But Jae was top ten in 7 th grader popularity, he even
had some 8 th grade best friends.
    I had P.E. with Jae, and was on his
radar because Jonsen somehow knew Jae’s older sister, Kelly. We’d
hung out at their house a few times. Jae had stared coldly at us
from his kitchen table, eating his bowl of cereal, as Kelly led
Jonsen and me down to their basement. Kelly was three years older
than us. She ultimately resisted Jonsen’s charms, but she had
plenty of fun flirting with him for a while. None of it was what it
seemed, but to Jae, it seemed like Jonsen was the motherfucking
shit, and by association I was someone to know.
    One P.E. class, Jae and I had been
awkwardly standing next to each other, waiting to run wind sprints
across the gym, when for the lack of something better to say, I’d
said, “Yo Jae, how’s Kelly?”
    “ She’s selling weed now,”
He’d replied off handedly.
    “ Ohh yaa, I heard about
that.” I’d lied, super believably.
    I was in. I’d began hatching a master
plan to use Jae’s belief that I was cool to my advantage. Phase one
was getting his Instant Messenger username. After a few educated
inquires I’d got it through a mutual girlfriend, I wrote it down
hastily on one of my binder covers: DeezBfosho4u.
    Staring at the message for the
hundredth time, I finally went for it and pressed send before
nervously closing my eyes to wait for the Xylophone returned
message sound effect. A few minutes passed.
    “ DOdo do.” I waited thirty seconds more,
afraid to open my eyes.
    “ Noooo screw that,” Jae had
responded. Jae had a way of scoffing as if something was unbearably
retarded, I imagined it through the screen as I read all the
“ooo’s.” Uh oh.
    My prior attempt to buy weed had gone
terribly. I’d just walked up to DMF when he was standing alone in
the hall and said, “Hey we should get high sometime.” It was one of
my worst ideas ever. He’d just said, “Uhhhh,” And then started
laughing, as if he was so caught off guard he really didn’t know
what to say. The worst part was the way he looked at me, he
honestly didn’t even know I existed. He’d probably written the
whole incident out of his mind in a second, dismissing it as some
weird, unexplainable occurrence.
    I wallowed in despair in front of my
computer.
    “ DOdo do.”
    “ I got a way better
connection bro,” Jae wrote. “Go through me bro, my sisters way
skimpy, trust me, my guy’s got the fattest sacks.”
    “ Oh ok,” I typed excitedly,
not knowing what “skimpy” or “fattest sacks” meant.
    “ So how much do you want?”
He wrote back instantaneously. I’d clearly stumbled onto Jae’s
favorite topic of conversation.
    “ How much do you sell?” I
tried. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. I was shooting blind at
this point. On the other side of the screen, Jae grinned
smugly.
    He made a big profit, but on
a smoggy Friday morning, Jae sold weed to a naive, innocent
7 th grader who had no business buying weed. We met like two secret
agents on the outskirts of Einstein, he reached out his fist and
dropped the baggy into my waiting hand. Then we went our separate
ways. I immediately shoved the baggy into my underwear. My pulse
beat harder with every step I took deeper into campus. All I wanted
to do was go to the bathroom and look at the weed, but I was too
scared. I went through class looking at the door every two seconds,
certain the vice principle was going show up and call my name. I
didn’t get to savor the satisfaction of having weed in my underwear
while reading out loud in