in her own eyes.He wasn’t sure what it was, or why, but he knew that there was something rare and different about her. She had haunted him for the past year in spite of all his efforts to forget her. And now, standing next to her he felt his whole body go taut with the excitement of just being near her.
“I guess I’m excited. And scared.” He seemed to admit it easily to her. “It’s a big job, my family would be disappointed if I didn’t live up to what everyone’s expecting.” But his family seemed unimportant now. Only Crystal mattered to him.
“Will you ever come back to California?” Her eyes looked so sad, as though he was deserting her, and they both felt the loss even before it happened.
“I’d like to come back sometime. But probably not for a while.” His voice was quiet and sad, and for a moment, he was sorry he had come. It would have been easier not to have seen her again. But he wouldn’t have been able not to come. He had known for weeks that he had to see her, and now she was watching him, her eyes wise and sad, the loneliness she lived with most of the time etched into the eyes that watched him. Today was a gift, one that she would always cherish. He had become a dream to her, like the dreams of the movie stars pinned up on her bedroom walls. He was just as distant and unreal, and yet she had actually met him, but he was no more accessible to her than they were. The only difference between him and them was that she knew that she loved him.
“Hiroko’s having a baby in the spring.” She said it to break the spell a little bit, and he sighed and looked away, as though trying to get some air, and force himself to think of someone other than Crystal.
“I’m glad for them,” he smiled gently at her, wondering when she would marry and have babies. Maybe if he came back here one day she would have half a dozenchildren clinging to her skirts, and a husband who drank too much beer and took her to the movies on Saturday nights, if she was lucky. The thought of it almost made him feel sick. He didn’t want that to happen to her. She deserved so much more than that. She wasn’t like the rest of them. She was a dove, trapped in a flock of peahens, and given the opportunity, they would devour and maybe even destroy her. She didn’t deserve that. But he knew that there was nothing he could do to save her. “She’ll be a wonderful mother.” He said it about Hiroko, but for an instant he wondered if he had meant it about Crystal.
Crystal only nodded and pushed the swing slowly with one foot. She was wearing the same white pumps she had worn to Becky’s wedding the year before, but this time she had kept them on, with another precious pair of nylons.
“Maybe you’ll come to New York one day.” He said it to offer himself hope, but they both knew it was less than likely.
“My father went there once. He told me all about it.”
Spencer smiled. His life was so far removed from hers. It made his heart ache again to know that. “I think you’d like it.” He would have liked to have had the chance to show her … maybe if she had been older …
“I’d rather go to Hollywood.” She looked up at the sky dreamily and for a moment she was a child again as he watched her. A child dreaming of Hollywood, and being a movie star. It was as wild a dream as his dream of loving her, although he didn’t say that.
“And who would you like to meet in Hollywood?” He wanted to know who her favorite movie stars were, what she talked about, whom she dreamed of. He wanted to know all of her, perhaps in the hope of growing disenchanted. He had to forget this girl, once and for all, before he left California. She had haunted him all year,more than once he had thought of driving up to see Boyd, but when he had, he knew it was only because he wanted to see Crystal. And afraid of the fine madness she seemed to induce in him, he had purposely not come, until now … this last time before he left. But it
“I guess I’m excited. And scared.” He seemed to admit it easily to her. “It’s a big job, my family would be disappointed if I didn’t live up to what everyone’s expecting.” But his family seemed unimportant now. Only Crystal mattered to him.
“Will you ever come back to California?” Her eyes looked so sad, as though he was deserting her, and they both felt the loss even before it happened.
“I’d like to come back sometime. But probably not for a while.” His voice was quiet and sad, and for a moment, he was sorry he had come. It would have been easier not to have seen her again. But he wouldn’t have been able not to come. He had known for weeks that he had to see her, and now she was watching him, her eyes wise and sad, the loneliness she lived with most of the time etched into the eyes that watched him. Today was a gift, one that she would always cherish. He had become a dream to her, like the dreams of the movie stars pinned up on her bedroom walls. He was just as distant and unreal, and yet she had actually met him, but he was no more accessible to her than they were. The only difference between him and them was that she knew that she loved him.
“Hiroko’s having a baby in the spring.” She said it to break the spell a little bit, and he sighed and looked away, as though trying to get some air, and force himself to think of someone other than Crystal.
“I’m glad for them,” he smiled gently at her, wondering when she would marry and have babies. Maybe if he came back here one day she would have half a dozenchildren clinging to her skirts, and a husband who drank too much beer and took her to the movies on Saturday nights, if she was lucky. The thought of it almost made him feel sick. He didn’t want that to happen to her. She deserved so much more than that. She wasn’t like the rest of them. She was a dove, trapped in a flock of peahens, and given the opportunity, they would devour and maybe even destroy her. She didn’t deserve that. But he knew that there was nothing he could do to save her. “She’ll be a wonderful mother.” He said it about Hiroko, but for an instant he wondered if he had meant it about Crystal.
Crystal only nodded and pushed the swing slowly with one foot. She was wearing the same white pumps she had worn to Becky’s wedding the year before, but this time she had kept them on, with another precious pair of nylons.
“Maybe you’ll come to New York one day.” He said it to offer himself hope, but they both knew it was less than likely.
“My father went there once. He told me all about it.”
Spencer smiled. His life was so far removed from hers. It made his heart ache again to know that. “I think you’d like it.” He would have liked to have had the chance to show her … maybe if she had been older …
“I’d rather go to Hollywood.” She looked up at the sky dreamily and for a moment she was a child again as he watched her. A child dreaming of Hollywood, and being a movie star. It was as wild a dream as his dream of loving her, although he didn’t say that.
“And who would you like to meet in Hollywood?” He wanted to know who her favorite movie stars were, what she talked about, whom she dreamed of. He wanted to know all of her, perhaps in the hope of growing disenchanted. He had to forget this girl, once and for all, before he left California. She had haunted him all year,more than once he had thought of driving up to see Boyd, but when he had, he knew it was only because he wanted to see Crystal. And afraid of the fine madness she seemed to induce in him, he had purposely not come, until now … this last time before he left. But it
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