could put their feelings into words. All she could do was look at him, impeccably put together as he had been a year before, his dark hair perfectly groomed, his face tan, and his eyes searching for something she didn’t yet understand, yet she knewshe couldn’t bring herself to move away from him. She wanted to stand near him for a lifetime, breathing his scent, and feeling his eyes on her. The sultry afternoon suddenly seemed much hotter. He felt as though his insides had just melted, and yet he had to remind himself that she was only a child. But they both knew what he wanted to tell her was that he loved her. Except he couldn’t of course. He barely knew her. It was distressing to realize that the girl he’d fought to keep out of his mind all year was even more haunting than he had remembered.
“How’s school?” Her eyes seared him as she asked. She was part child, part siren, and now after only a year, she seemed to be all woman.
“I just finished my bar exams.” She nodded, but her eyes asked him a thousand questions that neither of them would have been able to answer. And although he felt like molten lava inside, everything about him suggested strength, as though nothing could ever frighten him, nothing except what he felt for her, this child he barely knew. But she could see none of that on his face as he watched her hair floating in the gentle breeze of summer. “What about you?” He wanted more than anything to reach out and touch her.
“I’ll be sixteen the day after tomorrow,” she said quietly, and he felt his heart sink. For a moment, just a moment, he had hoped that he had remembered wrong, and she was older. And yet there had been a change in the past year. She seemed so grown up, so womanly in her blue dress. More woman, yet still child, and he wondered again at what madness drew him to her. It wasn’t only to see Boyd that he had come back today. He had come to see her, too, hoping that she’d be there, wanting to see her one more time before leaving California. But there was no point torturing himself. At sixteen, she wasstill a baby. And yet … her eyes told him she felt all the same things he did. At twenty-eight, it was insane to feel this for a sixteen-year-old girl. “Will you have a birthday party?” He spoke as though to a child, and yet everything he saw told him she was a woman, as she laughed and shook her head.
“No …” It was impossible to explain to him that she had few friends, that the girls hated her because of her looks, although she herself didn’t understand it. “My dad said he might take me to San Francisco next month.” She wanted to ask him if he would be there, but she didn’t. Neither of them could say any of the things they wanted. They had to pretend not to care, not to understand what they were feeling for each other, despite the gap in years, and the vast difference their lives put between them.
And as though reading her mind, he answered the question she hadn’t dared to ask, about where he was going now. “I’m going back to New York in a few days. I’ve been offered a job by a law firm on Wall Street.” He felt foolish explaining it to her. “That’s part of the financial world,” he smiled, and shifted his weight against the tree that seemed to be holding him up. He wasn’t sure at that precise moment if his trembling knees would hold him. “It’s supposed to be big stuff.” He wanted to impress her, but he didn’t have to work at it. She was impressed by him anyway, by a lot more than just Wall Street.
“Are you excited?” She looked at him with wide-open eyes, as though wanting to see deep into his soul, and he was almost afraid she might, and he himself wasn’t sure what she’d see there, probably a man frightened by what he felt for this girl … this girl who was no longer a child and not yet a woman, and who stirred him as no woman ever had before her. He wasn’t sure whether it was just her looks, or the mystery he saw
“How’s school?” Her eyes seared him as she asked. She was part child, part siren, and now after only a year, she seemed to be all woman.
“I just finished my bar exams.” She nodded, but her eyes asked him a thousand questions that neither of them would have been able to answer. And although he felt like molten lava inside, everything about him suggested strength, as though nothing could ever frighten him, nothing except what he felt for her, this child he barely knew. But she could see none of that on his face as he watched her hair floating in the gentle breeze of summer. “What about you?” He wanted more than anything to reach out and touch her.
“I’ll be sixteen the day after tomorrow,” she said quietly, and he felt his heart sink. For a moment, just a moment, he had hoped that he had remembered wrong, and she was older. And yet there had been a change in the past year. She seemed so grown up, so womanly in her blue dress. More woman, yet still child, and he wondered again at what madness drew him to her. It wasn’t only to see Boyd that he had come back today. He had come to see her, too, hoping that she’d be there, wanting to see her one more time before leaving California. But there was no point torturing himself. At sixteen, she wasstill a baby. And yet … her eyes told him she felt all the same things he did. At twenty-eight, it was insane to feel this for a sixteen-year-old girl. “Will you have a birthday party?” He spoke as though to a child, and yet everything he saw told him she was a woman, as she laughed and shook her head.
“No …” It was impossible to explain to him that she had few friends, that the girls hated her because of her looks, although she herself didn’t understand it. “My dad said he might take me to San Francisco next month.” She wanted to ask him if he would be there, but she didn’t. Neither of them could say any of the things they wanted. They had to pretend not to care, not to understand what they were feeling for each other, despite the gap in years, and the vast difference their lives put between them.
And as though reading her mind, he answered the question she hadn’t dared to ask, about where he was going now. “I’m going back to New York in a few days. I’ve been offered a job by a law firm on Wall Street.” He felt foolish explaining it to her. “That’s part of the financial world,” he smiled, and shifted his weight against the tree that seemed to be holding him up. He wasn’t sure at that precise moment if his trembling knees would hold him. “It’s supposed to be big stuff.” He wanted to impress her, but he didn’t have to work at it. She was impressed by him anyway, by a lot more than just Wall Street.
“Are you excited?” She looked at him with wide-open eyes, as though wanting to see deep into his soul, and he was almost afraid she might, and he himself wasn’t sure what she’d see there, probably a man frightened by what he felt for this girl … this girl who was no longer a child and not yet a woman, and who stirred him as no woman ever had before her. He wasn’t sure whether it was just her looks, or the mystery he saw
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