anything to right.
4
ROHAN LOOKED DOWN at my cards and made a sucking noise between his teeth and I knew I had won.
Denny tossed in her hand and bounced her legs excitedly.
‘Shannon, you legend,’ she said.
‘I don’t know.’ I looked up at Rohan. ‘I don’t buy it.’
And I was right: he wasn’t concentrating, even now. Denny gathered the cards and I watched my brother’s face. Tonight the lines were deeper, and every so often he wet his lips, only to dry them again with the back of his hand. He got up suddenly.
‘We’re not having another game?’ I asked.
‘You two play.’
Denny and I watched him leave.
As soon as he was the right distance away Denny jumped up and into his chair. She brought her knees up under her chin.
‘Don’t you just fantasise about food?’ she asked.
I smiled. ‘Yes.’
‘Pizza and ice cream and whole blocks of cheese.’
‘I think about the staple things. Pasta and cereal and bread – bread, big time. Oh, and tea and coffee. Milo.’
‘You’d have that, though? Wouldn’t you? Out in the bunker, I mean.’
‘Not pasta. But yeah – there’s flour, tea and coffee. Big tins of Milo.’
She leant forward, her teeth biting into her bottom lip. ‘Is there chocolate?’
I strung her along, pretending to think. She extended a leg and kicked me.
‘Tell me.’
‘Yes,’ I said.
She fell back in the chair. ‘That’s cruel.’
‘See, you’re better off not knowing.’
‘What else? Tell me every single thing. Walk me through the shelves.’
The shower started up and we both looked quizzically in that direction.
She reached up, her elbows above her head, to grip the back of the chair, and shut her eyes.
‘Right, I’m ready. Hit me with it.’
I peered to be sure her eyes were closed, and then let my eyes drop down and over her body. The nights were warmer; she wore a grubby T-shirt and a pair of black leggings that came halfway up her calves. I’d never known before how much weight loss affected breasts; naively, I guess, I thought they were somehow impervious. I was wrong. Denny was still slim, all three of us had the hard, lean look of boxers before a fight, but her body fat was defiantly up, it was apparent in her breasts. They completed her now, and fit with the rest of her, proportioned with the curve of her hips. Other things also told of her health: the clear white of her eyes, the unbroken texture of her lips, the restless energy in her limbs.
My silence had her opening her eyes. ‘Food,’ she said. ‘Details.’
‘It’s not a supermarket. It’s only small. One of those ship containers.’
‘But it’s in the bluff?’
‘If you look, it’s in front of the bluff – angled and covered with top soil and rock. It’s well hidden, that’s all.’
‘And you must keep it locked?’
‘Oh, God yeah. Rohan’s got it done up like Fort Knox.’
‘He carries the keys, doesn’t he – or you could sneak me in for a look.’
‘It’s worse knowing what is out there.’
‘There must be a spare.’
‘Denny.’
‘Just tell me what’s out there then. It’ll be like pigging out.’
‘I haven’t got every item memorised.’
She smiled. ‘Yes you have.’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t.’
‘All right,’ she conceded, ‘don’t tell me any more tonight. I’ve got chocolate. That’s plenty to go on.’ She sunk down in the chair. ‘Tell me it’s Cadbury and I reckon I’ll come.’
‘Denny.’
She closed her eyes again and breathed out. ‘Come on,’ she murmured, ‘what sort of chocolate?’
I watched her. The fire crackled beside me. More and more she did this, pushed the envelope, but never far enough so that I knew. Strangely, it was when she did touch me that the nature of our relationship was most innocent. When she came up behind me and pushed the shirt from my shoulder I only felt the care in her hands and the will to take out the tightness. But then there were times like this, when no physical contact
4
ROHAN LOOKED DOWN at my cards and made a sucking noise between his teeth and I knew I had won.
Denny tossed in her hand and bounced her legs excitedly.
‘Shannon, you legend,’ she said.
‘I don’t know.’ I looked up at Rohan. ‘I don’t buy it.’
And I was right: he wasn’t concentrating, even now. Denny gathered the cards and I watched my brother’s face. Tonight the lines were deeper, and every so often he wet his lips, only to dry them again with the back of his hand. He got up suddenly.
‘We’re not having another game?’ I asked.
‘You two play.’
Denny and I watched him leave.
As soon as he was the right distance away Denny jumped up and into his chair. She brought her knees up under her chin.
‘Don’t you just fantasise about food?’ she asked.
I smiled. ‘Yes.’
‘Pizza and ice cream and whole blocks of cheese.’
‘I think about the staple things. Pasta and cereal and bread – bread, big time. Oh, and tea and coffee. Milo.’
‘You’d have that, though? Wouldn’t you? Out in the bunker, I mean.’
‘Not pasta. But yeah – there’s flour, tea and coffee. Big tins of Milo.’
She leant forward, her teeth biting into her bottom lip. ‘Is there chocolate?’
I strung her along, pretending to think. She extended a leg and kicked me.
‘Tell me.’
‘Yes,’ I said.
She fell back in the chair. ‘That’s cruel.’
‘See, you’re better off not knowing.’
‘What else? Tell me every single thing. Walk me through the shelves.’
The shower started up and we both looked quizzically in that direction.
She reached up, her elbows above her head, to grip the back of the chair, and shut her eyes.
‘Right, I’m ready. Hit me with it.’
I peered to be sure her eyes were closed, and then let my eyes drop down and over her body. The nights were warmer; she wore a grubby T-shirt and a pair of black leggings that came halfway up her calves. I’d never known before how much weight loss affected breasts; naively, I guess, I thought they were somehow impervious. I was wrong. Denny was still slim, all three of us had the hard, lean look of boxers before a fight, but her body fat was defiantly up, it was apparent in her breasts. They completed her now, and fit with the rest of her, proportioned with the curve of her hips. Other things also told of her health: the clear white of her eyes, the unbroken texture of her lips, the restless energy in her limbs.
My silence had her opening her eyes. ‘Food,’ she said. ‘Details.’
‘It’s not a supermarket. It’s only small. One of those ship containers.’
‘But it’s in the bluff?’
‘If you look, it’s in front of the bluff – angled and covered with top soil and rock. It’s well hidden, that’s all.’
‘And you must keep it locked?’
‘Oh, God yeah. Rohan’s got it done up like Fort Knox.’
‘He carries the keys, doesn’t he – or you could sneak me in for a look.’
‘It’s worse knowing what is out there.’
‘There must be a spare.’
‘Denny.’
‘Just tell me what’s out there then. It’ll be like pigging out.’
‘I haven’t got every item memorised.’
She smiled. ‘Yes you have.’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t.’
‘All right,’ she conceded, ‘don’t tell me any more tonight. I’ve got chocolate. That’s plenty to go on.’ She sunk down in the chair. ‘Tell me it’s Cadbury and I reckon I’ll come.’
‘Denny.’
She closed her eyes again and breathed out. ‘Come on,’ she murmured, ‘what sort of chocolate?’
I watched her. The fire crackled beside me. More and more she did this, pushed the envelope, but never far enough so that I knew. Strangely, it was when she did touch me that the nature of our relationship was most innocent. When she came up behind me and pushed the shirt from my shoulder I only felt the care in her hands and the will to take out the tightness. But then there were times like this, when no physical contact
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