actress, who eyed Nick with interest, a sentiment he didn’t return.
She was twenty years older than he was, and drank way too much at dinner. There was
an Italian couple, and a British writer Nick had heard of but not read, and a very
pretty French woman named Monique, who mentioned that she was widowed. Her husband
had been German, and they had a schloss in the Tyrol. And there were two other German
couples of no particular interest whose only attribute seemed to be that they had
a great deal of money, but they were neither fun nor attractive.
After dinner, they all moved upstairs to one of the bars on the upper deck for coffee,
cigars, and liqueurs. A band started playing, and there was dancing. And just as they
began playing, Toby asked his father’s permission to slip away, which Nick granted.
And after Toby left, Nick danced with Monique, and was still dancing with herwhen the captain and some of the others left. The bar was full of passengers, and
everyone seemed in good spirits and very lively, and although it had been a hard day
for him, Nick’s spirits improved as he chatted with the attractive French widow, who
was an exceptionally good dancer and very pretty. There was a surreal feeling to all
of it for him, as he hung suspended between two worlds. And for a moment or two, in
the glamorous context of the boat, he could pretend that nothing bad had happened,
but he knew it had, and it weighed on him heavily between drinks. He was working hard
to flee the truth. The young French woman sensed that something was wrong in his life,
but was polite enough not to ask.
“Are you visiting friends in America?” she asked discreetly, and he nodded. He had
no intention of telling her that he and his sons were joining a circus, and had fled
Germany to save their lives. “So am I,” she said, with a small sigh. “Germany is so
dreary these days, with all those rallies and marches and speeches. My husband died
six months ago, and I need a change. I’m going to Boston to visit my sister. She lives
there with her husband. She seems to like it. They married last year, and they’re
expecting their first baby, so I thought I’d go over to see her.” She said she lived
near Munich, and had no children. And judging by the jewelry she was wearing, Nick
sensed that her husband had left her a vast fortune. She mentioned once while they
were dancing that her husband had been forty years older than she was, and she looked
to Nick to be about thirty.
She was a lovely woman, and they danced several waltzes and foxtrots, and she was
particularly impressive doing the tango. She and Nick looked very striking on the
floor, and several people stopped to watch them, and afterward she and Nick laughed.
It had been fun. It was obvious that Monique found him attractive. He found her equally
so, but he was in no mood or position to start ashipboard romance with anyone. His life was a shambles, and he was enough of a gentleman
not to inflict that on anyone, although she looked like she was willing. They sat
and talked for a while afterward, and at two in the morning, he walked her to her
cabin, while she told him how much she had enjoyed the evening.
“So did I,” he said, smiling at her. He hadn’t expected to enjoy the first night so
much, but she had boosted his spirits. And he always liked to dance, and was good
at it.
“I met your little boy today,” she said, when they stopped outside her door. “He’s
adorable.”
“Yes, he is, thank you,” Nick agreed warmly. “I think he met everyone on the ship
today, including all the sailors. He’s having fun.”
“So am I,” she said, looking wistfully at Nick. “I loved dancing with you tonight.
I haven’t been dancing in months.”
“You’re a wonderful dancer,” he said sincerely. She wished he wanted more from her
than that, but she could see he didn’t. There was something profoundly sad
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