Mixed Blessings

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babies, Miss Graham." She confessed it like a terrible crime, and Pilar felt sorry for her, although she had to admit she found the case fascinating and strange, but what kept coming across to her was their irreversible compulsion to have a baby. "We're too old to adopt legaIly," Eriily explained. "I'm forty-one, and Lloyd is almost fifty. We tried for years, our income wasn't big enough, Lloyd hurt his back and he was out of work for a long time. Now we're doing fine. We sold our car, and we both held down two jobs for a year to save the money to pay Michelle to have the baby. The rest of what we made went on legal fees. We don't have much left," she told Pilar honestly, but Pilar didn't really care. She was intrigued by the case.

    The court had had a social worker's report on them, and even though they were certainly unusual, they had no apparent vices and they both appeared to be decent people, according to those who knew them. They just couldn't have kids and they were desperate to have a baby.

    Desperation made people do strange things, and they had, in Pilar's opinion.

    "Would you settle for visitation rights?" Pilar asked calmly.

    Emily sighed and nodded. "We might, if that's all we could get. But it doesn't seem fair, Michelle gave up two babies when she was barely more than a little girl herself, now she's having another one with the boy she married. She's going to have that baby, why does she have to keep Lloyd's?" Emily asked plaintively, but there was more to it than that, as they all knew.

    "It's her baby too," Pilar said gently.

    "Do you think all we'll ever get is the right to visit?" Lloyd asked finally, and Pilar hesitated before she answered.

    "It's possible. Given the court's position now, that might be a step forward. And in time, if Michelle doesn't behave properly toward the child, or if there's a problem with her husband, then you may be able to get custody, but I can't promise you that, and it could take a very long time, maybe years." Pilar was always honest with her clients.
    "The last lawyer we saw said he might be able to get Jeanne Marie back to us in six months," Emily said accusingly, and Pilar didn't want to remind her that it wasn't a question of "back to them" since the baby had never been with them in the first place.

    "I don't think he was being honest with you, Mrs. Robinson."

    And neither did they apparently, or they'd still be there with him.

    The couple nodded and looked at each other in despair.

    There was a kind of desperate hunger and loneliness about them that ate at one's heart just to see them.

    Pilar and Brad had had friends who were desperate to adopt, and some had even gone to Honduras and Korea and Romania, but none had done anything as foolish as this, or looked quite as forlorn as these people. The Robinsons had taken a chance and lost, and they knew it.

    Pilar talked to them for a while, and told them she would be happy to work on it if they wanted her to. She could research precedents throughout the state, and let them know. But they said they'd like her to wait and they'd call her. They wanted to think it over first. But when they left the office, Pilar knew they wouldn't be calling her again. They were looking for someone to promise them the moon, and she   just wouldn't do it. After they left, she sat thinking about them for a few minutes. The Robinsons had seemed so lost and so desperate, and so hungry for their unknown baby. They had never even laid eyes on her since her birth, and yet to them she was Jeanne Marie, someone they thought they knew and loved. It seemed odd to Pilar, but she was still sorry she couldn't help them. The case intrigued her and she was staring pensively out the window when her associate, Alice Jackson, poked her head in her office door with a grin, and then an intrigued expression.

    "Uh oh, counselor . . . looks like a tough one. I haven't seen you look like that since the P.D."s office, whenever you got a defendant charged

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