Read Online Love in the Present Tense by Catherine Ryan Hyde - Free Book Online Page B

eyes there. He doesn’t hate me as much. He wants to, but he can’t quite hate me as much and that’s bothering him.
    The lip man says, “Sooner or later you were gonna get arrested. Didn’t I say that, Chet?” Chet I guess is the pretty blond man. “I went through every mug shot of every girl under twenty-one, everywhere in California, every week. It was only a matter of time.”
    I think, it takes an awful lot of hate to do that. That must’ve been a lot of trouble. But the part of me over my shoulder says, no. Don’t say that. Don’t say nothing. It won’t help. And also, dignity. It says, remember that.

    I am sitting in the dirt. In the dark. But there is some moon, and some stars. It has been raining nearly five days, so this night is real clear. The ground is wet and soaks through my clothes. My hands are in cuffs behind my back so I won’t run away.
    Right now the blond man is sitting on a rock and the man with the lip is standing near me holding his gun. I can’t see the lip in this light, but in another way that’s all I can see. I just close my eyes and I see it.
    â€œChrist, Benny,” the blond pretty man says. Nobody has said nothing until now. He says, “She’s just a kid. For Christ’s sake.”
    The lip man says, “He wasn’t your partner.”
    â€œLet’s just take her in.”
    â€œAnd put his family through that? Put his wife and kids through knowing what happened with her? I don’t think so. I think they deserve better. She’s gonna get her story straight right here and now. Or she won’t ever be going in.” All that hate is still right there. But it feels to me like he’s having to work harder now to make it stay.
    I think they are trying to start by getting me really scared so I will do whatever they say. But I don’t know what they will say. So I don’t know if I’ll do it.
    Right now I’m not really thinking anything, being more over my shoulder and calm. Not normal calm, though. Too calm. Kind of scary calm. But I’m not thinking much. After a while I guess I start to sing. I don’t even think about it while I’m doing it. I don’t know I’m singing until the lip guy, he says, “What is that?”
    Nobody has asked me any straight-out questions until now. I was thinking I would not have to talk. Now that he reminds me, it’s the song I used to sing with Leonard at night before he went to sleep.
    But Mr. Lip does not need to know this. This is between me and my boy.
    â€œIt ain’t nothing,” I say.
    â€œAin’t nothing,” he says, like an echo. He is making fun of me. “Don’t you know how to talk?”
    Yes I do but you made me forget again. I practiced hard but you scared me into a place where I forgot.
    â€œIt isn’t anything,” he says.
    Yes, it is. It is everything.
    Blond man looks like he wants to get this over with, whatever it is. I can see his face in the light from the moon. Not all that good, but I can. He is scared and not sure. He doesn’t have nearly enough hate. He is reaching for more but it fails him. I can tell this. I can see.
    â€œJesus Christ, Benny,” he says. “Let’s just take her in already.”
    â€œAnd put his family through that? No fucking way. I don’t think so. Not when all they have is their memory of him. Not when so many good cops worked so hard to make sure they never had to know he died with his pants off. No, she’s gonna get her story straight. And then we’ll see whether or not we’re going in.”
    I can tell by his voice that he’s making it sound as bad as he can to scare me.
    I’m looking up at a star. I can feel the cuffs behind me, and I try to rub my wrists where the cuffs are cutting in and hurting. But I really can’t.
    I’m not over my shoulder anymore. That’s too bad. I thought that would keep up.