Read Online Love & Decay, Episode 11 by Rachel Higginson - Free Book Online Page B

for a tragedy that hadn’t even happened yet.
                  I walked forward and turned my back on Hendrix and Vaughan, then I turned around and looked at their sullen expressions, then I paced to the side. I already felt the control slipping from my grasp and I hated it. I hated that the Allen’s were a part of our lives, that they intruded on this put-together happiness I had to fight to keep. They would take it all away from me if they could- the Parkers, Haley, Tyler and Miller, and I hated Matthias and Kane most of all for that.
                  “Hey,” Hendrix called out in a voice that demanded I turn around and give him my attention. “He only wins if you let him. You know that, right?”
                  “And if I lose everyone I love trying not to let him win?” I asked in a pleading tone.
                  Hendrix shrugged and shared a look with Vaughan, “Don’t you know us better by now? We don’t let anything come between us, Reagan. Not even psychotic assholes that don’t understand the meaning of the word ‘no.’”
                  Instead of relaxing, a tremor shook me at my core. I did know that about the Parkers. I admired that about the Parkers. But that meant this could only end one way and that was in a fight.
                  And I knew it would end in a fight because I wasn’t selfless enough to sacrifice myself. Survival had taught me to be selfish, greedy for life. There were other things I would put before myself, but in the end they all revolved around me. Haley, because she was my sister by now and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I wouldn’t survive the break between us, therefore I needed her for my survival. The Parkers, even Tyler and Miller, because I needed family, I needed companionship and conversation. They were good for me because they kept me human. But they also kept me safe. Yes, I loved all of these people beyond myself, but my interests were all self-centered. Hendrix, because I’d fallen for him so hard I couldn’t separate us now. There was no me or him. There was us. And what we could do together. And I wouldn’t give any of them up by leaving them. If I left them, then there would be nothing left of me . If I surrendered to Kane, what was even the point of the rest of this horrible existence? I needed them.
                  I planned on keeping them, no matter the cost.
                  I’d already given up more than I ever thought I could once before. I’d grieved my parents. I’d grieved the loss of civilized society and the world as I knew it. I’d grieved the decline of humanity and goodness and decency. There wasn’t much left for me to want out of life.
    So, I would fight tooth and nail, until I had nothing left to fight with, until I couldn’t fight anymore to keep those worthy, pure, beautiful and lovely things in my life. I would not give them up to save myself.
    This was not a love story that ended in tragedy.
    This was a tragedy that ended in a love story.
    I held Hendrix’s steady gaze and nodded. “I won’t leave you for him. As long as you’re prepared to fight him on this, or them, or The Colony or whomever comes after us… I will not leave you.”
    Out of my peripheral I watched Vaughan sink into his rocking chair. He blew out a relieved breath and ran a rough hand through his hair. But my eyes stayed firmly on Hendrix and his proud, adoring gaze.
    “We’re going to go clean up,” he told Vaughan while standing to meet me.
    “Be back in time to deal with all this,” Vaughan commanded. “You have two hours at the most.”
    Hendrix didn’t respond, just walked straight to me and kissed me sweetly on the lips without touching any other part of my body with his.
    “I’m serious, Hendrix,” Vaughan said louder. “Two hours or I’m coming to find you.”
    “Sure,” he threw over his shoulder. “Come find us.” And then he