tighter, and I found relief from my loneliness in the arms of many nameless men and women.
Something had to change.
I went to the prison one last time to see Tom, planning to say goodbye, but I couldn’t. I stood outside, staring at the yellow brick walls that separated me from him, but I didn’t go in. I loved him too much and like a coward, I left town without saying the words that needed to be said. I boarded a plane to Boothbay Harbor, Maine. I went to live with my dad’s sister, got clean from the drink and drugs, and my broken and used body began to heal. I went to college, and was accepted to veterinary school. My life turned quiet. The drugs and sex became a distant memory, but Tom, his steely gray eyes, his sleek blonde hair, and the way his rock hard body held me close to his, were never far from my mind. I knew if I ever stepped foot in Las Verdes again, I would lose myself in Tom Sully and the dark and dangerous world of the Verde Demons.
But the past has a way of creeping into the present when you least expect it.
I’m on my residency shift at Boothbay Veterinary Hospital and I get the call I’ve been dreading: my father is dying and wants to see me is all my mother says. I pack a bag and board the first flight out of Maine. Thoughts of my sick father mingle with everything I had run away from seven years ago.
I land in Las Verdes where it’s over a hundred degrees in September. My Maine skin isn’t ready for it. The heat drains me immediately, but I head straight from the airport to the hospital with the setting sun at my back. My mother had gone home already and I’m relieved not to have to face her just yet.
In the quiet halls of the ICU, the nurse tells me Sheriff Watts is sleeping and I am not to disturb him.
“Please,” I beg. “I’ve just landed.”
She looks at me inquisitively. “Are you the daughter?” she asks.
I hesitate, not ready to reveal that I’m that daughter. “Yes,” I say and wait for a look of disappointment to crease her face, but it does not come.
“He’s been waiting for you,” she says grimly. “Come on.”
I follow her down the hall toward my father’s room.
“I’ll let you have a few minutes with him, but you really must come during regular visitor hours tomorrow,” she says.
Through the glass door, I see the shell of him. A frail and weak and aged version of the man who fought to keep me on the straight and narrow, with tubes and wires anchoring him to this world.
“What if he wakes up?” I ask.
“He won’t, honey. He was agitated, and we had to give him something to rest.”
“What made him so upset?” I ask, turning to the nurse.
The nurse sighs and looks at her watch, clearly not wanting to help me anymore. “Someone named Tom Sully was released from prison last week.”
My breath catches. The man who I had run from, the man who helped to put my father in that hospital bed, was–free. My mind races; I should have stayed away. Only regret waits for me here. I look at my father’s dying face and see the wrinkles that my wild life with the Verde Demons caused in him. That saying, the one that says you can’t go home again? It’s wrong. You can go home again and find the same darkness as the day you left. It never changes, never falters. It’s always there waiting for you to come home.
I turn and leave without going inside.
“Wait,” the nurse calls from behind me. “Aren’t you going to visit with him?”
“No,” I say over my shoulder as I quicken my pace. “He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
Outside the hospital, I leave my rental car in the parking lot and start walking through the streets of Las Verdes toward my parents’ house on the edge of town. The cooling oven temperature of a desert day turning to night surrounds me. When I reach my parents’ house, I keep going. My wedge heels cut into my skin, but I don’t care. The image of my father lying in that hospital bed lingers in my mind as I step out on to
Something had to change.
I went to the prison one last time to see Tom, planning to say goodbye, but I couldn’t. I stood outside, staring at the yellow brick walls that separated me from him, but I didn’t go in. I loved him too much and like a coward, I left town without saying the words that needed to be said. I boarded a plane to Boothbay Harbor, Maine. I went to live with my dad’s sister, got clean from the drink and drugs, and my broken and used body began to heal. I went to college, and was accepted to veterinary school. My life turned quiet. The drugs and sex became a distant memory, but Tom, his steely gray eyes, his sleek blonde hair, and the way his rock hard body held me close to his, were never far from my mind. I knew if I ever stepped foot in Las Verdes again, I would lose myself in Tom Sully and the dark and dangerous world of the Verde Demons.
But the past has a way of creeping into the present when you least expect it.
I’m on my residency shift at Boothbay Veterinary Hospital and I get the call I’ve been dreading: my father is dying and wants to see me is all my mother says. I pack a bag and board the first flight out of Maine. Thoughts of my sick father mingle with everything I had run away from seven years ago.
I land in Las Verdes where it’s over a hundred degrees in September. My Maine skin isn’t ready for it. The heat drains me immediately, but I head straight from the airport to the hospital with the setting sun at my back. My mother had gone home already and I’m relieved not to have to face her just yet.
In the quiet halls of the ICU, the nurse tells me Sheriff Watts is sleeping and I am not to disturb him.
“Please,” I beg. “I’ve just landed.”
She looks at me inquisitively. “Are you the daughter?” she asks.
I hesitate, not ready to reveal that I’m that daughter. “Yes,” I say and wait for a look of disappointment to crease her face, but it does not come.
“He’s been waiting for you,” she says grimly. “Come on.”
I follow her down the hall toward my father’s room.
“I’ll let you have a few minutes with him, but you really must come during regular visitor hours tomorrow,” she says.
Through the glass door, I see the shell of him. A frail and weak and aged version of the man who fought to keep me on the straight and narrow, with tubes and wires anchoring him to this world.
“What if he wakes up?” I ask.
“He won’t, honey. He was agitated, and we had to give him something to rest.”
“What made him so upset?” I ask, turning to the nurse.
The nurse sighs and looks at her watch, clearly not wanting to help me anymore. “Someone named Tom Sully was released from prison last week.”
My breath catches. The man who I had run from, the man who helped to put my father in that hospital bed, was–free. My mind races; I should have stayed away. Only regret waits for me here. I look at my father’s dying face and see the wrinkles that my wild life with the Verde Demons caused in him. That saying, the one that says you can’t go home again? It’s wrong. You can go home again and find the same darkness as the day you left. It never changes, never falters. It’s always there waiting for you to come home.
I turn and leave without going inside.
“Wait,” the nurse calls from behind me. “Aren’t you going to visit with him?”
“No,” I say over my shoulder as I quicken my pace. “He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
Outside the hospital, I leave my rental car in the parking lot and start walking through the streets of Las Verdes toward my parents’ house on the edge of town. The cooling oven temperature of a desert day turning to night surrounds me. When I reach my parents’ house, I keep going. My wedge heels cut into my skin, but I don’t care. The image of my father lying in that hospital bed lingers in my mind as I step out on to
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