Read Online Imaginary Friends by Nora Ephron - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Nora Ephron
Tags: Drama, General, Women Authors, American, Literary Quarrels, Hellman; Lillian, McCarthy; Mary, Libel and Slander
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It was on the front page of
The New York Times
.
LILLIAN : They called all my old enemies.
MARY : And mine, who were suddenly my friends.
LILLIAN : At some point Norman Mailer got involved.
NORMAN MAILER
enters
.
NORMAN MAILER : If I may—
LILLIAN : Get out of here, Norman—
MARY :
[At the same time.]
Go away.
As
NORMAN MAILER
disappears
.
He wrote an article—
LILLIAN : In
The New York Times Book Review
—
MARY : I knew he would be on my side.
LILLIAN : And I knew he would be on mine.
MARY : But he attacked us both.
LILLIAN : He said you were stupid to have said what you did.
MARY : He said you should drop the lawsuit.
LILLIAN : I stopped speaking to him.
MARY : So did I.
LILLIAN : And I certainly didn’t drop the lawsuit.
MARY : Although you offered to if I took it all back. Your lawyer had lunch with my lawyer—
MARY
walks over to a table with a tea service on it and sits down with her
LAWYER .
MARY’S LAWYER : I had lunch with her lawyer.
MARY : Milk or lemon?
MARY’S LAWYER : Neither. Look, Mary, you don’t want to go to court with this. Just to answer the papers she filed will cost thousands and thousands of dollars. So if you’re willing to say something in the form of a retraction—
MARY : Something like what?
[She passes a tray of cookies.]
MARY’S LAWYER : Something like “I didn’t mean to suggest that Lillian Hellman was a liar.”
MARY : But I did.
MARY’S LAWYER : I know you did. But just say it.
MARY : But it wouldn’t be true—
MARY’S LAWYER : Everyone will understand—
MARY : Every day I get another letter from someone documenting yet another lie. Do you know what Gore Vidal said about her and Dashiell Hammett? He said, “Did anyone ever see them together?”
MARY’S LAWYER : You can’t win the case by proving she’s a liar—
MARY : Nonetheless, I am collecting her lies. I am pinning them, like dead butterflies, on a wall of cotton.
A beat
.
MARY’S LAWYER : So I should call and say you won’t apologize.
MARY : Never ever. I’m not sorry I said it, I’m not. I’m sorry it didn’t sell more copies of my book. I’m sorry it will bankrupt me. And I’m sorry about the sleepless nights—
[She lights a cigarette; then, re: the cigarette.]
—one of my three a day—
MARY’S LAWYER : Some people love sleepless nights. Some people thrive on litigation.
MARY : Presumably they’re people with more than sixty-three thousand dollars in the bank. In case anyone asks, tell them I’m sleeping like a baby. I can’t apologize. I didn’t do anything wrong.
MARY’S LAWYER : But you’d just be saying it to make it go away. Everyone will understand.
MARY : I could never do that. And not that it matters, but they wouldn’t understand. Not in my world.
MARY
stands and walks over to a table. We see a witness stand and a table on the other side of it
.
We had two arguments to make in court. One was that Lillian Hellman was a public figure. If you’re a public figure, you’re expected to take more criticism than if you’re a housewife.
She sits down at the table
. LILLIAN
enters and walks over to the other table
.
LILLIAN : A public figure, according to my lawyer, is a person who assumes roles of special influence in the affairs of society. I don’t try to influence anyone but my friends—
MARY : And the second argument was that you cannot treat hyperbolic language as if it’s intended to be taken literally. But, of course, I did mean for it to be taken literally.
LILLIAN : Exactly. Which is why I sued you.
MARY : Here’s what I don’t understand—didn’t you know she was going to turn up?
LILLIAN : I have no idea what you’re talking about.
MARY
and
LILLIAN
sit down at the tables on either side of the witness stand. And now we hear a gavel pounding
.
ANNOUNCER : The case of Lillian Hellman, plaintiff, against Mary McCarthy, defendant.
MARY : I call Muriel Gardiner to the witness stand.
ANNOUNCER : Do you swear to tell the
The New York Times
.
LILLIAN : They called all my old enemies.
MARY : And mine, who were suddenly my friends.
LILLIAN : At some point Norman Mailer got involved.
NORMAN MAILER
enters
.
NORMAN MAILER : If I may—
LILLIAN : Get out of here, Norman—
MARY :
[At the same time.]
Go away.
As
NORMAN MAILER
disappears
.
He wrote an article—
LILLIAN : In
The New York Times Book Review
—
MARY : I knew he would be on my side.
LILLIAN : And I knew he would be on mine.
MARY : But he attacked us both.
LILLIAN : He said you were stupid to have said what you did.
MARY : He said you should drop the lawsuit.
LILLIAN : I stopped speaking to him.
MARY : So did I.
LILLIAN : And I certainly didn’t drop the lawsuit.
MARY : Although you offered to if I took it all back. Your lawyer had lunch with my lawyer—
MARY
walks over to a table with a tea service on it and sits down with her
LAWYER .
MARY’S LAWYER : I had lunch with her lawyer.
MARY : Milk or lemon?
MARY’S LAWYER : Neither. Look, Mary, you don’t want to go to court with this. Just to answer the papers she filed will cost thousands and thousands of dollars. So if you’re willing to say something in the form of a retraction—
MARY : Something like what?
[She passes a tray of cookies.]
MARY’S LAWYER : Something like “I didn’t mean to suggest that Lillian Hellman was a liar.”
MARY : But I did.
MARY’S LAWYER : I know you did. But just say it.
MARY : But it wouldn’t be true—
MARY’S LAWYER : Everyone will understand—
MARY : Every day I get another letter from someone documenting yet another lie. Do you know what Gore Vidal said about her and Dashiell Hammett? He said, “Did anyone ever see them together?”
MARY’S LAWYER : You can’t win the case by proving she’s a liar—
MARY : Nonetheless, I am collecting her lies. I am pinning them, like dead butterflies, on a wall of cotton.
A beat
.
MARY’S LAWYER : So I should call and say you won’t apologize.
MARY : Never ever. I’m not sorry I said it, I’m not. I’m sorry it didn’t sell more copies of my book. I’m sorry it will bankrupt me. And I’m sorry about the sleepless nights—
[She lights a cigarette; then, re: the cigarette.]
—one of my three a day—
MARY’S LAWYER : Some people love sleepless nights. Some people thrive on litigation.
MARY : Presumably they’re people with more than sixty-three thousand dollars in the bank. In case anyone asks, tell them I’m sleeping like a baby. I can’t apologize. I didn’t do anything wrong.
MARY’S LAWYER : But you’d just be saying it to make it go away. Everyone will understand.
MARY : I could never do that. And not that it matters, but they wouldn’t understand. Not in my world.
MARY
stands and walks over to a table. We see a witness stand and a table on the other side of it
.
We had two arguments to make in court. One was that Lillian Hellman was a public figure. If you’re a public figure, you’re expected to take more criticism than if you’re a housewife.
She sits down at the table
. LILLIAN
enters and walks over to the other table
.
LILLIAN : A public figure, according to my lawyer, is a person who assumes roles of special influence in the affairs of society. I don’t try to influence anyone but my friends—
MARY : And the second argument was that you cannot treat hyperbolic language as if it’s intended to be taken literally. But, of course, I did mean for it to be taken literally.
LILLIAN : Exactly. Which is why I sued you.
MARY : Here’s what I don’t understand—didn’t you know she was going to turn up?
LILLIAN : I have no idea what you’re talking about.
MARY
and
LILLIAN
sit down at the tables on either side of the witness stand. And now we hear a gavel pounding
.
ANNOUNCER : The case of Lillian Hellman, plaintiff, against Mary McCarthy, defendant.
MARY : I call Muriel Gardiner to the witness stand.
ANNOUNCER : Do you swear to tell the
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