Read Online I Am No One You Know by Joyce Carol Oates - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Joyce Carol Oates
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accident.”
“Steering my car into a, what do you call it—abutment? On Route 1, by an overpass—”
“That would do it.”
“That would! That would do it! And nobody would freaking fucking know. ”
Abruptly the line goes dead. Steven, on his feet, not knowingwhere he is, colliding painfully with a chair, cries into the receiver, “Owen? Owen? Owen!”
But he doesn’t call Owen back.
“D ADDY, SEE? ”
When Holly returns with Caitlin and Brandon and their new purchases, Steven hugs them eagerly as if they’ve been gone for days. As if they’ve been in danger. His little family! He would die for them, he knows. Yet for their sake he must hide the ferocity of his love. Caitlin is wearing a new purple quilted jacket with a hood, peeping out at Daddy as he lifts her in his arms to kiss her. And Brandon is sporting new hiker’s boots—“Look, Daddy. Cool, huh?”
Through that evening, through the mostly sleepless night that follows, Steven relives the remarkable exchange between his brother-in-law and himself, disbelieving his own words. Did he really say such things? He’s astonished. He’s sick with apprehension. He’s elated, exhilarated. Die, why don’t you. Give us a break.
A terrible thing to say to another person. Especially your own brother-in-law. “Family.”
Steven smiles. Maybe the truth is terrible? And someone must utter it for once.
It’s Holly’s custom to take the phone off the hook each night when she and Steven go to bed, not wanting a ringing phone to wake the family, and in the morning when Steven checks, with some apprehension, he hears only a dial tone. No messages recorded during the night.
He’s relieved. It hasn’t happened yet. Holly is Owen’s next of kin, named in his wallet identification in case of accident. But there has been no “accident” involving Owen during the night, evidently. Steven tells himself that Owen will probably just forget their conversation. Probably he’s already forgotten. The man is too narcissistic, too shallow and cowardly for suicide.
Days pass, and a week. And no word from Owen. And no word of Owen. And no emergency call from a medical worker or police officer. Casually Holly mentions that Owen must be away, he hasn’t called in a while. Her dinner-hour preparation isn’t interrupted, she’s relieved and yet, Steven knows, she’s beginning to worry about Owen.He tells her that Owen is fine, he’s spoken with him recently, briefly. And remember the numerous times when Owen has ceased to call? Once he’d gone to Morocco with a friend, away for a month without a word to Holly.
Then one evening when Steven returns from the city, Holly tells him happily that Owen finally called, and dropped by the house; in a “very upbeat mood”; he stayed for only a few minutes because he was driving to see a friend in Manhattan. Fine, Steven says. Didn’t I tell you nothing was wrong. Steven isn’t disappointed, in truth he’s relieved. Of course he hasn’t wanted Holly’s brother to die…But then Holly goes on to say, “Owen volunteered to drop Brandon off at Scott’s house, he’s staying the night,” and now Steven stares at her, for a stunned moment unable to react. Then he says, choosing his words with care, “You let Brandon ride with Owen? In his car?” Holly says, “It’s just across town, honey. You know where Scott lives.” Steven says, dry-mouthed, “Alone with Owen? In his car? ” Holly says uncertainly, “Well—why not? I mean—”
Holly sees a look in Steven’s face he can’t hide. She says:
“But—what is it? Do you—know something about Owen? What do you know about Owen? ”
A moment’s panic. Holly is thinking: pedophilia?
Quickly Steven assures her it’s nothing. Only just that he’s disappointed—Brandon won’t be with them at dinner.
T HERE!—THE PHONE ringing.
But it’s only a solicitor. Steven hangs up rudely.
Now he’s waiting for the phone to ring. Or waiting for the phone
“Steering my car into a, what do you call it—abutment? On Route 1, by an overpass—”
“That would do it.”
“That would! That would do it! And nobody would freaking fucking know. ”
Abruptly the line goes dead. Steven, on his feet, not knowingwhere he is, colliding painfully with a chair, cries into the receiver, “Owen? Owen? Owen!”
But he doesn’t call Owen back.
“D ADDY, SEE? ”
When Holly returns with Caitlin and Brandon and their new purchases, Steven hugs them eagerly as if they’ve been gone for days. As if they’ve been in danger. His little family! He would die for them, he knows. Yet for their sake he must hide the ferocity of his love. Caitlin is wearing a new purple quilted jacket with a hood, peeping out at Daddy as he lifts her in his arms to kiss her. And Brandon is sporting new hiker’s boots—“Look, Daddy. Cool, huh?”
Through that evening, through the mostly sleepless night that follows, Steven relives the remarkable exchange between his brother-in-law and himself, disbelieving his own words. Did he really say such things? He’s astonished. He’s sick with apprehension. He’s elated, exhilarated. Die, why don’t you. Give us a break.
A terrible thing to say to another person. Especially your own brother-in-law. “Family.”
Steven smiles. Maybe the truth is terrible? And someone must utter it for once.
It’s Holly’s custom to take the phone off the hook each night when she and Steven go to bed, not wanting a ringing phone to wake the family, and in the morning when Steven checks, with some apprehension, he hears only a dial tone. No messages recorded during the night.
He’s relieved. It hasn’t happened yet. Holly is Owen’s next of kin, named in his wallet identification in case of accident. But there has been no “accident” involving Owen during the night, evidently. Steven tells himself that Owen will probably just forget their conversation. Probably he’s already forgotten. The man is too narcissistic, too shallow and cowardly for suicide.
Days pass, and a week. And no word from Owen. And no word of Owen. And no emergency call from a medical worker or police officer. Casually Holly mentions that Owen must be away, he hasn’t called in a while. Her dinner-hour preparation isn’t interrupted, she’s relieved and yet, Steven knows, she’s beginning to worry about Owen.He tells her that Owen is fine, he’s spoken with him recently, briefly. And remember the numerous times when Owen has ceased to call? Once he’d gone to Morocco with a friend, away for a month without a word to Holly.
Then one evening when Steven returns from the city, Holly tells him happily that Owen finally called, and dropped by the house; in a “very upbeat mood”; he stayed for only a few minutes because he was driving to see a friend in Manhattan. Fine, Steven says. Didn’t I tell you nothing was wrong. Steven isn’t disappointed, in truth he’s relieved. Of course he hasn’t wanted Holly’s brother to die…But then Holly goes on to say, “Owen volunteered to drop Brandon off at Scott’s house, he’s staying the night,” and now Steven stares at her, for a stunned moment unable to react. Then he says, choosing his words with care, “You let Brandon ride with Owen? In his car?” Holly says, “It’s just across town, honey. You know where Scott lives.” Steven says, dry-mouthed, “Alone with Owen? In his car? ” Holly says uncertainly, “Well—why not? I mean—”
Holly sees a look in Steven’s face he can’t hide. She says:
“But—what is it? Do you—know something about Owen? What do you know about Owen? ”
A moment’s panic. Holly is thinking: pedophilia?
Quickly Steven assures her it’s nothing. Only just that he’s disappointed—Brandon won’t be with them at dinner.
T HERE!—THE PHONE ringing.
But it’s only a solicitor. Steven hangs up rudely.
Now he’s waiting for the phone to ring. Or waiting for the phone
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