words and feeling how true they were, and then I met Asher and I thought I may have been wrong. But now I wonder. I know he’s still keeping secrets from me. He’s under a geas, someone holds a lien on his soul. I wonder why. The more I think about the enigma that is the death priest, the more I wonder what I really know about him at all. Every day doc tells me that Asher is out to get me. That he is not who I think he is.
Truth is, I don’t really know what I think he is. He’s my obsession, my desire, or at least he was. But I’m beginning to think he fooled me just like doc says. Because if he really loved me like I thought he did, he would never stop searching for me, he would do whatever it took to find me. It’s what I would have done for him. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Which I guess is par for the course. I mean, who could really love something like me, right?
I think I’m done with thinking about Asher. Every time I do, it hurts too much...
~*~
Day 70
H e was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt today. Asher’s skin looked so pale, I hardly recognized him. Dark shadows sat under his eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in years.
I’d been reading my journal, and something wasn’t adding up. The doctor told me Asher was evil and cruel, that he’d abandoned me. That he’d left me to die, that that had been his plan all along. That I’d been nothing but a pawn in his game.
And yet...
“Pandora?” His voice was soft. So soft it made my heart ache.
I wanted to touch him. I’d decided that the night before after I’d woken up from yet another dream. I’d scooted over on the floor of my cage and gazed at him throughout the night, watching as his chest rose and fell, wondering if the scars I kept dreaming about that lined every inch of his body were actually real, or if they were just my imagination playing tricks on me.
I thought that maybe if he came in now I wouldn’t hurt him. I wanted to find out if he was real. Who had been lying to me? The doctor, or Asher?
“Ash?”
I didn’t know why I’d shortened his name that way, but when I did a visible tremor coursed through him and his eyes slammed shut.
It took him a moment before he looked at me again. But there was no softness in his gaze now, only steely determination. I cocked my head.
“It’s time to hold the baby.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to hold the baby. I’ll kill it.” Just like I’d killed the last nine he’d brought to me.
“Come on, Pandora.” He gripped the cage, staring down at me. “You have to remember how much you love them. You’ve sacrificed yourself for them over and over, throughout the centuries. You have to remember that.”
I swallowed hard because somewhere deep down inside I thought I did remember it. I remembered a little girl in South Dakota. I couldn’t recall her name anymore, but she was so pretty. Dressed in pink and smiling up at me.
Then he was shoving another doll through my cage. I wrapped my arms around my knees and stared at it.
I was so filthy, so dirty. I wanted a shower. I wanted out of this cage, but I didn’t trust myself yet. I could finally understand why Ash had put me in here. I was dangerous, not stable. I was so wrong in the head, and tears burned my eyes because this time the little doll wore a pink dress, and it had black curls, and she was chubby just like that little girl in my vision.
I rocked back and forth.
“Pick her up, Pandora. Save her like you did once before.”
I whipped my head around and stared at him. He knew what I was thinking. The moment I thought it I realized why, because he’d been there too.
“I want to love her,” I admitted shyly.
“Then pick her up, little demon.” He knelt down until his face was inches from mine. My fingers twitched with the urge to swipe out at him, but now I knew it was wrong. I wasn’t well.
I ignored the impulse and looked back down at the doll.
“Come
Truth is, I don’t really know what I think he is. He’s my obsession, my desire, or at least he was. But I’m beginning to think he fooled me just like doc says. Because if he really loved me like I thought he did, he would never stop searching for me, he would do whatever it took to find me. It’s what I would have done for him. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Which I guess is par for the course. I mean, who could really love something like me, right?
I think I’m done with thinking about Asher. Every time I do, it hurts too much...
~*~
Day 70
H e was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt today. Asher’s skin looked so pale, I hardly recognized him. Dark shadows sat under his eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in years.
I’d been reading my journal, and something wasn’t adding up. The doctor told me Asher was evil and cruel, that he’d abandoned me. That he’d left me to die, that that had been his plan all along. That I’d been nothing but a pawn in his game.
And yet...
“Pandora?” His voice was soft. So soft it made my heart ache.
I wanted to touch him. I’d decided that the night before after I’d woken up from yet another dream. I’d scooted over on the floor of my cage and gazed at him throughout the night, watching as his chest rose and fell, wondering if the scars I kept dreaming about that lined every inch of his body were actually real, or if they were just my imagination playing tricks on me.
I thought that maybe if he came in now I wouldn’t hurt him. I wanted to find out if he was real. Who had been lying to me? The doctor, or Asher?
“Ash?”
I didn’t know why I’d shortened his name that way, but when I did a visible tremor coursed through him and his eyes slammed shut.
It took him a moment before he looked at me again. But there was no softness in his gaze now, only steely determination. I cocked my head.
“It’s time to hold the baby.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to hold the baby. I’ll kill it.” Just like I’d killed the last nine he’d brought to me.
“Come on, Pandora.” He gripped the cage, staring down at me. “You have to remember how much you love them. You’ve sacrificed yourself for them over and over, throughout the centuries. You have to remember that.”
I swallowed hard because somewhere deep down inside I thought I did remember it. I remembered a little girl in South Dakota. I couldn’t recall her name anymore, but she was so pretty. Dressed in pink and smiling up at me.
Then he was shoving another doll through my cage. I wrapped my arms around my knees and stared at it.
I was so filthy, so dirty. I wanted a shower. I wanted out of this cage, but I didn’t trust myself yet. I could finally understand why Ash had put me in here. I was dangerous, not stable. I was so wrong in the head, and tears burned my eyes because this time the little doll wore a pink dress, and it had black curls, and she was chubby just like that little girl in my vision.
I rocked back and forth.
“Pick her up, Pandora. Save her like you did once before.”
I whipped my head around and stared at him. He knew what I was thinking. The moment I thought it I realized why, because he’d been there too.
“I want to love her,” I admitted shyly.
“Then pick her up, little demon.” He knelt down until his face was inches from mine. My fingers twitched with the urge to swipe out at him, but now I knew it was wrong. I wasn’t well.
I ignored the impulse and looked back down at the doll.
“Come
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