Read Online Homewrecker (Into the Flames #1) by Cat Mason, Katheryn Kiden - Free Book Online
Authors: Cat Mason, Katheryn Kiden
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other people are going to think of you. Yes, Gunnar makes you happy and you love him. I get that, and this situation doesn’t change that. But contrary to what Gunnar believes, it isn’t a baby that’s missing from your life right now. But if you go through life denying yourself something vital to your existence, and tell yourself that you don’t need it because you’re afraid of how it will make other people feel, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You’ll be resentful toward Gunnar and yourself for suppressing something you need because you’re afraid of hurting him.”
“I’m not a bad person?”
“Nope, not a bad person.”
“So what do I do now?” I ask.
“Whatever the hell you need to. Wanna keep living with that part of you missing? Go for it. But sooner or later, you’ll crack and fall apart. Think you need to fuck Dixon again and figure out if you need it? Or if it was something you just needed to get out of your system? Do it. Fuck him again and figure it out. Do whatever you want. Who the hell am I to judge anyone?”
“Enabler, much?” I ask, taking a deep breath.
“That may be the case, babe,” she agrees. “The thing is, I’m not gonna sugar coat it for you. You asked my opinion, there it is.”
As I had hoped, I breathe a bit easier after talking with Lynsey. Just knowing that I have her to talk to always makes decisions like this a bit easier, even if I don’t get a definitive answer. Ultimately, the choices make for my life are always left up to me. I may not know what to do yet, and I may still feel like shit for doing it behind Gunnar’s back, but her words continue to bounce around my head and make me feel a tiny bit better to have been able to talk it out some.
By the time I get home Gunnar still hasn’t gotten home from work. The house is quiet— too quiet—and the silence is deafening. The last thing I want to do is continue thinking about everything that happened last night. The memories will flood back vividly if I let them, and right now, I can’t let them. I’ve gone through every single emotion imaginable today leaving me wrecked beyond belief.
Putting my iPod on the deck, I blast my playlist and open all the windows, deciding that I’ll finish cleaning the house and make Gunnar’s favorite for dinner. I scrub the kitchen and bathrooms, mop all the floors, and start putting together a homemade lasagna for dinner. I mix up everything I need to make a loaf of the parmesan herb bread that he loves so much and put it in the oven before I start setting the table.
After I’ve lit candles, I start throwing a salad together just as I hear Gunnar’s truck pull into the driveway. “Hey, babe, how was your day?” he calls, shutting the front door. I hear him drop his stuff to the floor then he’s standing in the doorway smiling at me.
“Same as usual,” I reply, smiling back at him as I toss the salad. “You?”
Walking around the counter, he swipes a carrot from the salad bowl in front of me and pops it into his mouth. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he nuzzles my neck and I jump a bit in surprise. “Team’s workin’ real hard, it was a good practice. Mmmm, something smells good.” Leaning down, he opens the oven and groans. “Did you make me lasagna?”
“Mhm,” I reply when he closes the oven and tightens his grip around my waist. His lips press to the sensitive skin behind my ear, making my eyes close.
“What’s the special occasion?” he breathes.
“I thought since you’ve been working so hard with the team that you may need it,” I lie, feeling two inches tall once more, knowing that it was guilt that had me making all his favorites tonight.
“Mmm… Ten minute shower,” he says, pressing his lips to my shoulder. “Then I’m all yours, baby.”
Gunnar releases me and heads out of the kitchen, switching off the iPod deck as he passes it, effectively leaving me alone with my thoughts as I finish up dinner.
“I’m not a bad person?”
“Nope, not a bad person.”
“So what do I do now?” I ask.
“Whatever the hell you need to. Wanna keep living with that part of you missing? Go for it. But sooner or later, you’ll crack and fall apart. Think you need to fuck Dixon again and figure out if you need it? Or if it was something you just needed to get out of your system? Do it. Fuck him again and figure it out. Do whatever you want. Who the hell am I to judge anyone?”
“Enabler, much?” I ask, taking a deep breath.
“That may be the case, babe,” she agrees. “The thing is, I’m not gonna sugar coat it for you. You asked my opinion, there it is.”
As I had hoped, I breathe a bit easier after talking with Lynsey. Just knowing that I have her to talk to always makes decisions like this a bit easier, even if I don’t get a definitive answer. Ultimately, the choices make for my life are always left up to me. I may not know what to do yet, and I may still feel like shit for doing it behind Gunnar’s back, but her words continue to bounce around my head and make me feel a tiny bit better to have been able to talk it out some.
By the time I get home Gunnar still hasn’t gotten home from work. The house is quiet— too quiet—and the silence is deafening. The last thing I want to do is continue thinking about everything that happened last night. The memories will flood back vividly if I let them, and right now, I can’t let them. I’ve gone through every single emotion imaginable today leaving me wrecked beyond belief.
Putting my iPod on the deck, I blast my playlist and open all the windows, deciding that I’ll finish cleaning the house and make Gunnar’s favorite for dinner. I scrub the kitchen and bathrooms, mop all the floors, and start putting together a homemade lasagna for dinner. I mix up everything I need to make a loaf of the parmesan herb bread that he loves so much and put it in the oven before I start setting the table.
After I’ve lit candles, I start throwing a salad together just as I hear Gunnar’s truck pull into the driveway. “Hey, babe, how was your day?” he calls, shutting the front door. I hear him drop his stuff to the floor then he’s standing in the doorway smiling at me.
“Same as usual,” I reply, smiling back at him as I toss the salad. “You?”
Walking around the counter, he swipes a carrot from the salad bowl in front of me and pops it into his mouth. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he nuzzles my neck and I jump a bit in surprise. “Team’s workin’ real hard, it was a good practice. Mmmm, something smells good.” Leaning down, he opens the oven and groans. “Did you make me lasagna?”
“Mhm,” I reply when he closes the oven and tightens his grip around my waist. His lips press to the sensitive skin behind my ear, making my eyes close.
“What’s the special occasion?” he breathes.
“I thought since you’ve been working so hard with the team that you may need it,” I lie, feeling two inches tall once more, knowing that it was guilt that had me making all his favorites tonight.
“Mmm… Ten minute shower,” he says, pressing his lips to my shoulder. “Then I’m all yours, baby.”
Gunnar releases me and heads out of the kitchen, switching off the iPod deck as he passes it, effectively leaving me alone with my thoughts as I finish up dinner.
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