professor would likely hurt my relationship with
Jackson. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that no guy would be cool with his girlfriend
doing what I was about to do, regardless of the circumstances. I simply didn’t
give him a say in the matter, which would only make it worse. Did I care? Well,
of course. I didn’t purposely seek out ways to sabotage my relationship. I just
wasn’t ready to fully rely on him for any major decisions in my life. Heck, I
thought I was doing pretty well by even acknowledging that he was important
enough for me to keep him informed in advance. It probably wasn’t the best of
strategies for an even worse plan, though.
In the end, however, I
decided it would be a great test for us. I would find out how he would really handle
me taking and keeping control over my life. Even if we stayed together forever,
I would never sign over my entire existence to him. I was a person, not a
handbag. I wasn’t some trendy accessory to make him look good. I had to
maintain my own life and happiness, just as he had to maintain his. Being
together only meant we should be ourselves with each other. With that would
come a lot of compromise. Ideally, I would support him in things that I
wouldn’t necessarily like, just as he was supposed to be doing for me. Would we
actually be able to work together through something he didn’t like? I didn’t
know. I knew I would eventually make a decision that he would hate, maybe even
more than this one. That was a part of life. From my experience with it in the
past, he got mad to the point that I would have to leave to avoid a fight. What
if we had been living together? How would he handle it when there was nowhere for
me to run to? It wasn’t as if I would be able to take a break from pregnancy
and just leave a developing fetus outside the door until he calmed down.
And what would he do if
later on down the road, I got pregnant with our own? I couldn’t figure out if he
was just upset because of the surrogacy or if he was against all pregnancies.
All I knew for sure was that he was mad that I was willing to be pregnant
without even having sex with him. What if that wasn’t all he was mad about?
What if all he wanted was a sexual relationship. What if he didn’t want a
family, like I eventually did?
And why was I starting
to stress myself out over things that wouldn’t matter anytime soon? I wasn’t
ready for sex or a family. I was more or less doing a job. I was to carry a
baby and then give it back. The end. No use reading further into it or my
boyfriend’s reaction to it.
I laughed to myself, as
I got ready for work. If everything went as planned, I’d be a pregnant virgin.
I wasn’t sure if it was hilarious or pathetic. Only one person in history could
pull off a virgin birth without looking pathetic, and it sure wasn’t me. But at
least I’d be pathetic by choice.
Chapter Eleven
Connor
My first class of the
morning started about the same as any other. Well, any other in recent days, anyways. It had been a little over a month since Charlie had gone in for
the insertion part of the IVF process, and I kept my hopes high that it would
successfully implant. The wait was excruciating, but I knew that bothering
Charlie about it wouldn’t speed anything up. She simply didn’t have any news to
give me. I chose to distract myself by turning my classes back around into
something more enjoyable for both me and my students. It was about time they’d
actually learned something, anyways.
Half the class hung on
my every word. Charlie, of course, was part of that half. The other half,
however … Yeah, I wasn’t sure they would even pass at bare minimum. The glazed
over eyes and the minimal attention span didn’t look too promising. But I’d
slacked off up until that point. I’d given passing grades to failing students,
just to keep my ratings up and the number of repeat students down with no added
effort on my part. It was my own fault for setting
Jackson. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that no guy would be cool with his girlfriend
doing what I was about to do, regardless of the circumstances. I simply didn’t
give him a say in the matter, which would only make it worse. Did I care? Well,
of course. I didn’t purposely seek out ways to sabotage my relationship. I just
wasn’t ready to fully rely on him for any major decisions in my life. Heck, I
thought I was doing pretty well by even acknowledging that he was important
enough for me to keep him informed in advance. It probably wasn’t the best of
strategies for an even worse plan, though.
In the end, however, I
decided it would be a great test for us. I would find out how he would really handle
me taking and keeping control over my life. Even if we stayed together forever,
I would never sign over my entire existence to him. I was a person, not a
handbag. I wasn’t some trendy accessory to make him look good. I had to
maintain my own life and happiness, just as he had to maintain his. Being
together only meant we should be ourselves with each other. With that would
come a lot of compromise. Ideally, I would support him in things that I
wouldn’t necessarily like, just as he was supposed to be doing for me. Would we
actually be able to work together through something he didn’t like? I didn’t
know. I knew I would eventually make a decision that he would hate, maybe even
more than this one. That was a part of life. From my experience with it in the
past, he got mad to the point that I would have to leave to avoid a fight. What
if we had been living together? How would he handle it when there was nowhere for
me to run to? It wasn’t as if I would be able to take a break from pregnancy
and just leave a developing fetus outside the door until he calmed down.
And what would he do if
later on down the road, I got pregnant with our own? I couldn’t figure out if he
was just upset because of the surrogacy or if he was against all pregnancies.
All I knew for sure was that he was mad that I was willing to be pregnant
without even having sex with him. What if that wasn’t all he was mad about?
What if all he wanted was a sexual relationship. What if he didn’t want a
family, like I eventually did?
And why was I starting
to stress myself out over things that wouldn’t matter anytime soon? I wasn’t
ready for sex or a family. I was more or less doing a job. I was to carry a
baby and then give it back. The end. No use reading further into it or my
boyfriend’s reaction to it.
I laughed to myself, as
I got ready for work. If everything went as planned, I’d be a pregnant virgin.
I wasn’t sure if it was hilarious or pathetic. Only one person in history could
pull off a virgin birth without looking pathetic, and it sure wasn’t me. But at
least I’d be pathetic by choice.
Chapter Eleven
Connor
My first class of the
morning started about the same as any other. Well, any other in recent days, anyways. It had been a little over a month since Charlie had gone in for
the insertion part of the IVF process, and I kept my hopes high that it would
successfully implant. The wait was excruciating, but I knew that bothering
Charlie about it wouldn’t speed anything up. She simply didn’t have any news to
give me. I chose to distract myself by turning my classes back around into
something more enjoyable for both me and my students. It was about time they’d
actually learned something, anyways.
Half the class hung on
my every word. Charlie, of course, was part of that half. The other half,
however … Yeah, I wasn’t sure they would even pass at bare minimum. The glazed
over eyes and the minimal attention span didn’t look too promising. But I’d
slacked off up until that point. I’d given passing grades to failing students,
just to keep my ratings up and the number of repeat students down with no added
effort on my part. It was my own fault for setting
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