four blocks but it felt like miles. The day had gotten away from her and she realized that she hadn’t heard from Pam. She wouldn’t say anything to her about Cindy Thomasini. It was irrelevant. Sandra would protect Pam from any more horrendous news about her husband. About Jack. She realized that after what she had done to Pam, she had deserved to hear from Cindy about her affair with Jack. Revenge is mine, sayeth the Lord . She felt separated from God. But wasn’t that when faith played a major role? The tiniest faith was all it took. Faith the size of a tiny mustard seed . She needed that right now. Needed to believe that the baby would be safe, that she wouldn’t die young and leave the baby an orphan and that Pam would continue to be her friend.
Her front door loomed ahead and it seemed to take forever to get there. She didn’t notice the car parked in front of her building where no parking was allowed until the door opened and a tall, handsome police officer unfolded himself out of it. Her heart did a little summersault. Tom Adams.
“Don’t scream,” he said and walked up to her.
“Get lost,” Sandra said. “I have nothing to say to you.” She kept walking toward the front door.
“Just give me a minute, will you please?” Tom Adams had long legs but was having to skip along beside her to keep up. “I’m sorry!”
“Don’t you have some parking tickets to write?” She reached her door and struggled with the key, shaking him off when he attempted to help her unlock the door.
“If you’d wait a minute, I can get it for you,” he said.
“Go to hell!” she yelled. “Go back to Brooklyn or wherever it is you live. You are the last person on earth that I want to hear anything from right now, do you understand me?”
Without another word, he took the bag of groceries from her and pulled her against his body with his free arm. She allowed the intrusion.
“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Tom said.
“Believe it, jerk,” she said. And then she started crying. “And I hate you!”
She let the tears flow down her cheeks, wetting his shoulder. She gave him the key and he opened the door for her. When they got into the apartment, they didn’t speak as they put the groceries away. She forgot about the enema until it was too late. He picked it up and read the label aloud. They laughed.
“It’s not that funny,” she said.
“Yes it is,” Tom replied.
He filled the teakettle while she got the new coffee pot out from under the counter; she hadn’t thought she would ever need it again. He prepared tea for her while she made coffee for him, neither saying a word. Then he followed her down the stairs to the back patio; they would sit in the shade of the surrounding buildings and drink their beverages. They still hadn’t spoken more than a few words beyond the bickering. She thought about the note he had left her the last time they were together, just a week or so before. In it, he told her he didn’t think he could handle her past and knew that it was ridiculous to expect her to pretend that it didn’t exist. So he was bowing out of her life. She remembered the way it had affected her; what else could happen? she had thought. Good riddance. But now that he was here, now that she felt him and could see him, she realized that if he did that to her a second time, it would leave a mark. She looked at him intently.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” was all she said.
“I won’t. I promise. Forgive me?”
“Yes, I think I will. And not just because you are so damn cute. I need you, unfortunately. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the most desirable woman around right now.” She had nothing to lose by being self-deprecating. If he couldn’t tolerate it, the sooner he left again, the better. “You’re the only one who will put up with me.”
He squeezed her hand. “I love you, Sandra.” There, he had said it. Once he had said it, he couldn’t take it back. He was
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