Read Online Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office : A Memoir by Jen Lancaster - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Jen Lancaster
Tags: United States, General, Humorous fiction, Personal Memoirs, Biography & Autobiography, Biography, Business & Economics, Women, Careers, Job Hunting, Unemployed women workers, Jeanne
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July 10, 2001
Subject: No Lunch For You
Yo, Meliss—
Change of plans—can’t meet for lunch today. Apparently I’m needed in Cleveland TOMORROW, so I’ve got to spend this afternoon getting ready. Sorry for canceling on such short notice.
Let’s catch up soon,
Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest
312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 13, 2001
Subject: FYI
Melissa,
Cleveland DOES NOT ROCK.
How does Thursday, July 19 look for dinner? I’m thinking chopped chicken salad and buckets o’ margaritas at Banderas.
Si, si?
El Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 18, 2001
Subject: Mexican Cuisine
Hola,
First the good news…tomorrow I’ll be having authentic Mexican food.
And now the bad…unless you’re going to be in Tucson, too, we won’t be eating it together. Dreadfully sorry and all that.
Jen
P.S. Have I mentioned how excited I am to go to the hottest place on the face of the earth in the middle of the freaking summer?
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 31, 2001
Subject: Scratch That
Howdy,
Correction: Tucson is NOT the hottest place on the face of the earth.
Minneapolis, MN is.
It was 100 degrees there yesterday. I’m pretty sure I saw a bird spontaneously combust.
Who knew?
Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: August 13
Subject: This Is Getting OLD
Greetings and salutations,
Since it’s fairly obvious we’re never going to catch up in person, I may as well brief you via email. What a miserable couple of days I’ve had. Left for Dallas on Monday and took a long, HOT cab ride to Midway. The AC worked in the front seat, but not in the back. Unfortunately I wasn’t sitting in the front seat and driving—a shame really, as my cabbie was busy eating lunch with a fork while talking on the phone.
After a long, HOT wait in the one un-air-conditioned part of the newly rehabbed airport, I boarded the plane and sat there for 1.5 hours—again with no AC—until we took off. At one point, I think I fainted.
So imagine my pleasure at coming back to the Great Midwest Swamp. It’s actually worse here, and it was 98 degrees in Dallas, but not humid. I demanded my cab driver last night crank the air conditioning which he did, but he only left the partition open a crack. I sweated like it was my job the whole way home. I guess what I don’t understand is WHY THE HELL COULDN’T HE OPEN THE FREAKING PARTITION? Was he afraid of the well-dressed white woman with luggage going home to her upscale neighborhood? And why does no cab driver help me with my suitcases any more?
Did I mention that I worked/traveled for 18 straight hours on Monday, then worked/traveled for 16 hours yesterday, and spent a solid 10 of those hours giving back-to-back presentations? I am
Subject: No Lunch For You
Yo, Meliss—
Change of plans—can’t meet for lunch today. Apparently I’m needed in Cleveland TOMORROW, so I’ve got to spend this afternoon getting ready. Sorry for canceling on such short notice.
Let’s catch up soon,
Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest
312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 13, 2001
Subject: FYI
Melissa,
Cleveland DOES NOT ROCK.
How does Thursday, July 19 look for dinner? I’m thinking chopped chicken salad and buckets o’ margaritas at Banderas.
Si, si?
El Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 18, 2001
Subject: Mexican Cuisine
Hola,
First the good news…tomorrow I’ll be having authentic Mexican food.
And now the bad…unless you’re going to be in Tucson, too, we won’t be eating it together. Dreadfully sorry and all that.
Jen
P.S. Have I mentioned how excited I am to go to the hottest place on the face of the earth in the middle of the freaking summer?
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: July 31, 2001
Subject: Scratch That
Howdy,
Correction: Tucson is NOT the hottest place on the face of the earth.
Minneapolis, MN is.
It was 100 degrees there yesterday. I’m pretty sure I saw a bird spontaneously combust.
Who knew?
Jen
**********
Jennifer A. Lancaster
Manager, Interactive Products, Midwest 312-555-2790
“This communication is for discussion purposes only and does not create any obligation to negotiate or enter into a binding agreement with Corporate Communications Conglomerate, Inc.”
----
----
CORP.COM.EMAIL
To: SweetMelissa
From: [email protected] Date: August 13
Subject: This Is Getting OLD
Greetings and salutations,
Since it’s fairly obvious we’re never going to catch up in person, I may as well brief you via email. What a miserable couple of days I’ve had. Left for Dallas on Monday and took a long, HOT cab ride to Midway. The AC worked in the front seat, but not in the back. Unfortunately I wasn’t sitting in the front seat and driving—a shame really, as my cabbie was busy eating lunch with a fork while talking on the phone.
After a long, HOT wait in the one un-air-conditioned part of the newly rehabbed airport, I boarded the plane and sat there for 1.5 hours—again with no AC—until we took off. At one point, I think I fainted.
So imagine my pleasure at coming back to the Great Midwest Swamp. It’s actually worse here, and it was 98 degrees in Dallas, but not humid. I demanded my cab driver last night crank the air conditioning which he did, but he only left the partition open a crack. I sweated like it was my job the whole way home. I guess what I don’t understand is WHY THE HELL COULDN’T HE OPEN THE FREAKING PARTITION? Was he afraid of the well-dressed white woman with luggage going home to her upscale neighborhood? And why does no cab driver help me with my suitcases any more?
Did I mention that I worked/traveled for 18 straight hours on Monday, then worked/traveled for 16 hours yesterday, and spent a solid 10 of those hours giving back-to-back presentations? I am
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