Read Online The Fat Man by Ken Harmon - Free Book Online Page B

paused. “Promise me you will leave humans alone. All humans. Children and parents.”
    “They need discipline, Santa,” I said. “Things need to be just. Their wants will kill you.”
    “Promise me. If you are harming anyone, I don’t know if I would have the heart to be a part of Christmas anymore. Promise me, Gumdrop,” he said with his back to me.
    If I said “no,” Christmas was off. If I said “yes,” there was a good chance Santa wouldn’t make it through Christmas. I didn’t like my spot, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand the look in Santa’s eyes if I didn’t do what he asked. “I promise,” I said.
    Santa left without another word.
    I never felt so ashamed in my life.
    That is until Dingleberry arrived at my door a few minutes later. He didn’t speak; he sobbed. I poured him a stiff eggnog and let him blubber a few minutes to see if it would get out of his system. I didn’t say anything. I was afraid I’d make it worse—or start blubbering myself.
    Finally, Dingleberry blew his schnoz and took a deep breath. “I guess by the look on your face, what I heard is true,” he said.
    “I’m sorry to say that it is.”
    “Oh, Gumdrop, you did a bad thing,” Dingleberry said. “A bad, bad thing. You hurt people . You used your gift of elf magic to go into people’s homes and hit them and scream at them.”
    “It is not as simple as that,” I said. “And you know why I did it.”
    “Yeah, because you hate the naughty!” he screamed. “You hate anyone who doesn’t do things the way you think they should be done.”
    “Cane put that idea in your head?” I asked. I could tell by Dingleberry’s expression that I was right. “Dingleberry, you know, deep down, that is not true. You know I hate naughtiness. I hate when kids take Santa for granted. I hate that parents don’t teach their kids any better. You know I’m trying to help them, or you did know that. I guess Cane has changed your mind. Some friend you are.”
    It was a lousy thing to say, but I was feeling like everyone was piling on. Why didn’t anyone understand?
    Dingleberry was wounded, but he held it together. Shaking, he stood up and looked me right in the eye. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not a good friend to you. But I am a good elf, Gumdrop, a good elf. I am here to make toys for children, to make them happy whether they’re good or bad. It’s what George would do too. He knows what is right and so do I.”
    “This isn’t one of your stupid comic book yarns,” I said. I was starting to lose my famous temper. “This is real stuff, Ding. You can’t let bad kids and awful parents slide on a lifetime of naughty. The folks on the Nice List would have no reason to be nice. That’s not fair. And it’s not fair that everyone’s kicking me in the pants over this. Why beat me up when you won’t punish a brat? If I were a kid out in the real world, you’d be building me some lamebrain By George adventure set and giving it to me Christmas morning with no questions asked!”
    Dingleberry was shot through the heart, but he didn’t fall like a ton of bricks. He got up and went to the door. “That’s different. They’re kids, Gumdrop. I’m sorry if that seems unfair to you, but it’s all I know,” he said. “So because it’s all I know, I don’t think I can be your best friend. And By George is not fake, and he’s not stupid. He doesn’t make people do things his way. He doesn’t slap them around and snap their head off. He does things the right way and inspires everybody else to do things the right way too. ‘Treat the other guy like you were in his boots.’ That’s part of the By George True Friends pledge. I’m trying to do that, Gumdrop, but right now, I don’t want to be in your boots because all you want to do in them is walk all over people.”
    And then Dingleberry left. I called after him, but he kept going.
     
    I know the song says not to pout, not to cry. But under the circumstances,